FGS wrong wine wrong pizza

[Missrosie123]

Just as the title says really. A busy day. I was going to do a Deliveroo order for pizzas and my favourite wine. DH insists on going to the shop. Comes back without the wine. Goes back for it and gets right brand but wrong type. Come to cook pizzas. Asked for two. He got both the same. The one type of pizza I don’t eat.
Im being pathetic as I’ve not even said anything. I can’t cope with his inevitable ‘I’m so rubbish at everything’ downward spiral where I then have to pick him up. Sick of carrying the mental load for everything. He is a good man and a good dad, it’s just not enough.

I would be furious tbh. When it’s a difficult day you want at least to get the evening right. I would go myself and wouldn’t let him forget it. 🤣

Who forgets wine?

This was what I was going to say.

Thanks all. I really needed to vent and to get a feel for if it was just me and I was being unreasonable. Your responses have really helped.

I think the poster who said the pizza and the red wine are red herrings nailed it. It’s many more issues than this in our relationship. This is just the one that broke the camels back today. I have a lot to think about.

I'm afraid I would very pass agg go to the shop and get the correct things, then settle down and enjoy them, leaving the alternatives untouched. I know this doesn't put me on a pedestal of virtue but I'd be fuming and determined to demonstrate that I'm perfectly capable of managing better without his interference, via actions rather than words.

He is a good man and a good dad He can't even get pizza and wine right.
it’s just not enough. It is enough to make you tread on egg-shells.

Meanwhile in the real world......its pizza and wine. It's not the end of the world.

Psychologists always say the biggest indicator of impending divorce is contempt. You are contemptuous of your DH. I would be too, this is not a criticism! If he does the ‘I’m useless I can’t do anything right’ routine that to me would be more off putting than getting my wine order wrong. It’s tiresome and unattractive.

Why does something have to be the end of the world? It’s not Is This The End of The World.

He’s got her dinner she doesn’t like and can’t eat instead of the dinner she was capable of sorting herself but he stopped her. And she can’t say anything because he’s weaponised his mental health against her. She’s hungry and it’s the last straw.

At least you can get a refund with Deliveroo!.....

It's not the end of the world but it's pizza she doesn't like and wine she doesn't want. Why is your bar so low?

I would say something. If DP wants something from the shop and I agree to go then I get it, because I’m not a dick. I would make sure it was correct otherwise it’s a waste of time and money.

I would probably be passive aggressive though and say I can only see your pizzas I can’t see mine because you don’t seem to have what I asked for and you know I don’t like this.

My husband would A) be aware of what pizza I like, and B) couldnt choose wine to save himself but would invest the 3 seconds it takes to ASK me.

I totally feel you OP - he was only thinking of himself.

This sounds like adhd

Zoe try fat t a

That didn’t take long 🙄

Of course YANBU OP, he should know and care what you like and don’t like. It’s not good enough.

I'd be annoyed too. My DH manages to get me the right pizza and wine because he knows me.
I also know what he likes. It does smack if strategic incompetence a bit. Surely he can call or msg if he's had some kind of wife amnesia and had totally forgotten what you would like.

When he came back without the wine, I just would have done the delivery order.

Ask him to write it in his phone or something. He sounds like a manchild.

Is your DH a martyr? I see so many friends with husbands like this. Insist on taking the hard route (shop instead of delivery), fuck it up then blame their partner. I couldn’t live with someone like that. It’s exhausting. Hope you find your way out op

The issue isn’t the dinner, it’s the fact the Op can’t say a word of criticism without sending her partner into a self pitying spiral, and she’s had enough of it.

You cannot be managing another adult’s emotions OP. He needs to sort himself out, or else.

My best friend's husband is like this. He does nowt around the house, and when he is shamed into doing something (and inevitably gets it wrong) he puts on a pathetic voice and tells her that she's always "chipping away at him"

This and my own experiences are largely why I was done with men 5 years ago. I might have to do everything myself, but at least I get it right.

Not knowing what pizza your partner eats is not ADHD.

I can’t cope with his inevitable ‘I’m so rubbish at everything’ downward spiral where I then have to pick him up. This should not be inevitable; he very likely can listen and take notes so he gets the items requested. If he can't, he should let you order delivery as you'd originally planned.

This, this, thisity this!!!

Ask him what he would have done if his boss had asked him? He must be a reasonably competent employee, so if he can do what's asked at work, then why not at home? Also I doubt he would enter the inevitable ‘I’m so rubbish at everything’ downward spiral at work because there is no one there to pick him up.

If he's self-employed then he wouldn't behave that way either.

Nip it in the bud.

I'd have said something then depending on outcome either ordered a replacement or gone out to a pizza place.