To charge my MIL for childcare since she’s stopped helping halfway through the summer holidays?

[CookyPsych]

Bit of a WWYD/AIBU combo here really. MIL offered to do 3 days a week childcare over the summer hols to help us out as I’ve gone back to work FT. All smiles and “of course I’ll help” back in June. Great. We sorted everything round that.

Fast forward 2 wks in and she’s suddenly “too tired” (she’s 62 and quite fit tbh) and now only wants to do one day. No discussion, just dropped it on us Monday morning. DH is useless and doesn’t want to “rock the boat” 🙄

Cue me panicking and having to scrabble round for emergency nursery cover and begging favours off other mums. It’s cost us £300 already and that’ll keep rising. We wouldn’t have booked her in if MIL had stuck to what she agreed. Feel like we’re being taken for mugs.

WIBU to ask MIL to contribute to the cost? I’m not expecting full whack but surely if she pulled out of what she offered halfway through, she should at least chip in?

DH thinks I’m being harsh but I’m just knackered and stressed and feel like she’s left us in the lurch. Honest opinions pls before I actually say anything to her.

250 replies and nothing from the OP...

I totally agree with this^^

Yes it would have been better if she had let you know earlier, but you would have still had to pay if she hadn’t looked after your dc for two weeks! She’s actually saved you some money.

Also, she may be ill! Or have something else going on in her life that you don’t know about.

If she hadn’t agreed then you would still have the cost regardless so no you can’t ask your MIL to pay for childcare because she isn’t up to doing it for free.

Totally agree

Maybe she can smell your entitlement a mile off and thought she'd bring you down a peg or two.

Absolutely not yabu if you think it's her responsibility to pay she is entitled to change her mind about providing you with FREE childcare!

You asked for honest opinions and now you've had them - of course your MiL can't be obliged to contribute to your costs. She is already saving you money by being prepared to do one day a week. And she is the best judge of what she can manage.
Maybe you need to replan / ask your employer if you can work part-time - the financial burden should fall on you, not her. And do be appreciative of what she can offer.

Did you contribute to her childcare costs when her youngsters were small? No? Then there’s no equivalence. Why should she have to pay for your childcare?

You’re getting a whole day for free - be grateful for that.

Because she’s had her arse handed to her

Tiring and also very expensive to entertain children 3 days a week.
If she was unwell one day would you expect her to pay for childcare?
Not anyone's responsibility but the parents ,what was your original plan when you decided to work full time ?

This....

This

This has to be a joke post. Wind them up and let them go…

Wow! I somehow think the OP won't be returning to this one.

What a wicked MIL making you take responsibility for your own child.

child care can be exhausting and I can completely understand why she does not want to do 3 days a week. however if I was in her shoes I would have done it for the summer as promised and then told you not to rely on it in future.

No you cannot ask her to chip in with the cost.

Your child your responsibility. If you want to work full time sort your own child out.

You can't charge her but never rely on her again. Once the holidays are done, never ask for childcare again. And don't do her any favours.

You cannot charge someone for not doing you a favour!

I can’t believe you are actually asking this question. You are so incredibly entitled it’s unreal. Of course you can not charge her. Your children are your responsibility.

She obviously had the intent to look after them, but she's now finding it exhausting.

If this was my mum or MIL I'd be concerned that either a} they weren't well, and had something underlying like anaemia, depression or worse, it b} my kids were little shits and she was not capable of keeping them under control or safe.

Whichever, your DC deserve childcare, where they will be safe and stimulated and wanted. Not feeling like they are a drain.

And the award for CF of the year goes to @CookyPsych

Some things in life are just better to pay for. Childcare being one of them. I apply this to anything I have higher expectations of so wouldn’t have taken her up on it. 3 days is a lot as well! It’s tight of her not to give notice, but she isn’t your employee so I do think YABVU (in terms of money, i agree with feeling annoyed).

100% agree - op could have sorted something and is now in a rubbish position. You can’t charge her OP, but never rely on her again. Never. Yes it’s understandable that she might be tired or have health issues but it’s incredibly poor to make offers that you can’t back up with action. Let DH do the majority of the clean up in this one too. His mother after all.

This is made up right?!! 😂😂😂

Yes please go ahead and send her the bill. Then come back and report what happened next. I’ll be very curious to know what her reaction will be!