To charge my MIL for childcare since she’s stopped helping halfway through the summer holidays?

[CookyPsych]

Bit of a WWYD/AIBU combo here really. MIL offered to do 3 days a week childcare over the summer hols to help us out as I’ve gone back to work FT. All smiles and “of course I’ll help” back in June. Great. We sorted everything round that.

Fast forward 2 wks in and she’s suddenly “too tired” (she’s 62 and quite fit tbh) and now only wants to do one day. No discussion, just dropped it on us Monday morning. DH is useless and doesn’t want to “rock the boat” 🙄

Cue me panicking and having to scrabble round for emergency nursery cover and begging favours off other mums. It’s cost us £300 already and that’ll keep rising. We wouldn’t have booked her in if MIL had stuck to what she agreed. Feel like we’re being taken for mugs.

WIBU to ask MIL to contribute to the cost? I’m not expecting full whack but surely if she pulled out of what she offered halfway through, she should at least chip in?

DH thinks I’m being harsh but I’m just knackered and stressed and feel like she’s left us in the lurch. Honest opinions pls before I actually say anything to her.

Its not fair to charge her, though it would be a lesson in terms of trusting/relying on her again.
Your DH should be working with you to find a solution though, I hope he's also calling in favours and checking leave options with his employer?

Sure, go ahead and say something to her if you want to lose the remaining day she's agreed to and any future babysitting. You should have budgeted for childcare when you chose your working hours.

Of course you can't charge her! It was a well meant offer, she likely found it more exhausting than she anticipated.

Its a pity you are now short notice to sort out but life happens. My childcares fallen through cos Mils got a terrible diagnosis through and is too ill, I'd rather be in your shoes.

It really crap of your MIL to change her mind right at the last minute, leaving you scrabbling for child care. I'd be really pissed off too. It sounds like she wanted all the praise and kudos for offering but had no intention of actually doing it.

Your DH should certainly be helping you to scrabble around to find alternative care for your child as it was his mum that let you down.

Leave your DH to deal with it.

no you can’t ask her to pay.

No, you can't charge her. It would be slightly insane even to ask.

I understand how annoying it must be for your MIL to rescind her offer. She may have fully intended to do the 3 days a week, but the reality turned out to be much more difficult than she had originally imagined. In any case, it's up to you and your DH to make childcare arrangements and pay for them.

You can’t charge her, but she’s really let you down badly and you have every right to be annoyed

Dh needs to manage this one

Why the fuck are you cleaning up his mother's mess??

Suddenly too tired but young and fit- op I’m 45 and already thinking how the feck do older people run about after kids/ look after babies!!! She bit off more than she could chew but that doesn’t mean she owes you money! You got free childcare for that time

Yep. Agree.

I think it’s fine to get DH to tell her the consequences of backing out but definitely not asking for money. Not quite sure why you are doing the running around though.

No you shouldn’t ask her or expect her to offer to pay. Whilst it’s not ideal timing she has still saved you 2 weeks of childcare costs and 1 day a week for the remainder. She clearly offered with good intentions, but has found it too much.

What fucking selfish planet are you on?

I'm 49 and would love to have my granddaughter, but I've been hit with a barrage of health issues in the last year and I wouldn't be safe to have her due to fainting.

If you'd tried to charge me, you'd understand in no uncertain terms what a spoilt horrible brat you are.

You absolutely cannot ask. What you can do is tell her that you're very disappointed that she let you down so late and what the financial implications are. Hopefully she will see how unfair she has been and offer to chip in.

I also wouldn't take her up on an offer to help in the future.

Your MIL is rude and cheeky for saying she would do it and then deciding not to (assuming her health hasn't actually deteriorated in some way), but I don't get why this is costing you a penny more than it would if she hadn't said she'd do it in the first place? Like child care is your responsibility not hers.

I am in my 60's, love my grandchildren and consider myself fit. I simply cannot BELIEVE how tired I am after one day of looking after them, and they are no trouble. I would never have believed my energy levels and stamina would tail off so soon.

At least she HAS told, you, and told you as soon as it was too much for her. Would you rather she had continued, and maybe her standards of care slipped as she got more tired?

Your post comes across as though you think she just changed her mind on a whim. I bet it wasn't.

And if you suggested a charge do you really think she would pay? What contract do you have with her? None this is why if you need guaranteed childcare you have to pay. Is it more than 1 child would mil potentially look after 1 child the 2nd day? If not I suggest dependents leave between you and dh to sort it out

Exactly this

Unless your MIL was actively involved in the conception of your children, they are your responsibility not hers.

Slightly different though isn’t it because you couldn’t have offered in the first place and then changed your mind, you know already it’s not something you’re capable of (at the moment, and I hope that’s something that will change for you in the future and that you can get your health into a better place).

OP you’d be a proper CF to ask her to chip in on childcare costs - I can understand your panic at the last minute nature of plans changing but your childcare bill is no one’s responsibility but the child’s parents.

You can’t charge her. She was doing you a favour. You’d have to pay for childcare anyway. I just wouldn’t rely on her again. Why are you scrabbling around? Let DH sort. If he’s taking unpaid leave I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t change her mind and offer to have them.
Even if she’s fit having children 3 days a week is tiring. You’ve not said ages or how many. It sounds like she’s tried but it’s too much for her.

If this is serious you need a swift attitude adjustment.

Frustrating to be let down, but you can’t ask her to pay. I don’t think telling her that it has cost you a lot of money is a good idea either. She already knows that so the only outcome from such a conversation is more upset and bad feeling.

She’s not your child’s parent, HTH

You do know they’re your kids right?
Yes it’s crap she’s dropped you in it by letting you down but if she hadn’t of agreed to help you’d have to find childcare and pay someone anyway?