To charge my MIL for childcare since she’s stopped helping halfway through the summer holidays?

[CookyPsych]

Bit of a WWYD/AIBU combo here really. MIL offered to do 3 days a week childcare over the summer hols to help us out as I’ve gone back to work FT. All smiles and “of course I’ll help” back in June. Great. We sorted everything round that.

Fast forward 2 wks in and she’s suddenly “too tired” (she’s 62 and quite fit tbh) and now only wants to do one day. No discussion, just dropped it on us Monday morning. DH is useless and doesn’t want to “rock the boat” 🙄

Cue me panicking and having to scrabble round for emergency nursery cover and begging favours off other mums. It’s cost us £300 already and that’ll keep rising. We wouldn’t have booked her in if MIL had stuck to what she agreed. Feel like we’re being taken for mugs.

WIBU to ask MIL to contribute to the cost? I’m not expecting full whack but surely if she pulled out of what she offered halfway through, she should at least chip in?

DH thinks I’m being harsh but I’m just knackered and stressed and feel like she’s left us in the lurch. Honest opinions pls before I actually say anything to her.

Nobody is fooled by these “breezy”, fake positive aggressive approaches.

It’s not a good idea to show people how little you think of their intelligence, especially when you want something from them (for free).

Is the OP a troll or just a nutcase with a sense of entitlement??

Maddest thread I’ve seen on MN for a while

Maybe she should charge you for the childcare she’s already done?
You’re not entitled to free childcare and it’s not her responsibility.

Nope you can’t charge her!! This is on you. Three days is too much. Grandparents can be notoriously unreliable. You will learn very quickly to pay for childcare. Then there are no surprises.

You shouldn’t have been so greedy. 3 days of unpaid childcare is ridiculous. You could have agreed to one day and just paid for the rest. That would have been sufficient.

It doesn’t matter that she offered. she clearly has no idea what it would entail. It’s her prerogative to change her mind.

Your DH should also be scrambling around for childcare.

Why isn't your DH begging favours from other dads?

I would step back massively from her as it is a complete dick move on her part. I would be furious if my mum or MIL did this.

Moving forwards whenever she offers childcare politely decline. If she pushes, explain that as you both work FT and have children you don’t have the headspace to deal with last minute changes.

I wouldn’t charge her. But she’d be left in no doubt what my feelings were!

I note the OP has posted once.

I've been in this situation at Easter and I paid for a holiday club and that was short notice . She's done her time and doesnt owe you anything . Yes its left you in the lurch and as a mum who also works full time I sympathise. But she's your child and you and your DH are responsible. I can't believe your suggesting charging her !

Would you still suggest this if it was your mother who had let you down ?

Well you could, but she might then charge you for the one day a week she’s doing

I apologise in advance because I have not rtft only your op. And I really don’t mean to be unkind or rude because I understand that you are stressed and tired but I have to say that you are a premium CF. Poor MIL.

Your sense of entitlement is breathtaking. Grow up and stop expecting other people to save you money, because ultimately that’s what you’re steaming about. You’re lucky she’s doing one day. Charge her? 🤦🏼‍♀️

🍿 🍸

Most entitled thread of the evening 😂

If you are tired at the end of the day after looking after your child then imagine a 62 years old woman. She’s tried and she can’t do it. Same happened to me my mother was too tired and I understand she was sacrificing her days off for me. At the end I got nursery place and everything was fine. Why would you charge her anything she’s giving you free time without charging you. I don’t want to be mean to you but you are being very unreasonable.

This caught me out once too. Sucked it up and never asked for help again. There seems to be no understanding on how impossible it is to find child care last minute. If they were honest and said its too much can see if there are any other arrangements you co7od make for some of the days to lessen the load then yes reasonable but the last minute pulling of the rug is awful.

This amuses me no end .
I am 59 look after two grandchildren 2 days a week and it is EXHAUSTING
I often wonder when I read these posts what the OP will be doing at 62 .
Will you be looking after your grandchildren or enjoying a well earned rest.

I can't believe you have even thought about charging her. If she hadn't offered you'd have had to pay it yourself anyway. She's left you in the lurch but she tried to help and is still willing to do one day a week be thankful for that at least. Why do you think she should pay for YOUR childcare?

If my childcare for the summer was £300 I would be happy, ours is way more than that, and we have 1 day a week MIL help. Do I expect more = no. Are you able CF = absolutely!

Suck it up but don't rely on her for essential childminding again, she must be struggling which can't be helped.

She really should have either stuck with the plan for this year (its only 6 weeks) or given you much more notice to arrange something else....Are you sure everything is ok with her? Could she actually be unwell and not wanting to upset everyone.

Jesus you are lucky she’s offered at all. Both sets of parents live near and don’t work and help fuck all with my 6year old. Think yourself lucky!!

I completely understand why you are frustrated, but the thing with family is that they are effectively helping out rather than it being a contractual agreement. Whilst I know it makes things hard for you at the moment, it’s completely fair enough for your MIL to say actually 3 days is too much for me. You absolutely cannot charge her. It sounds to me like it’s more your DH who has left you in the lurch as it’s not just for you to sort.

When you get into your 60s, even if you’re still in reasonable health, and you try to look after your young grandkids, you’ll realise it’s altogether more difficult, tiring & stressful than you’d imagine!

You would be incredibly rude to ask your mother in law for money. Don’t risk damaging you & your husband’s relationship with her. And stop being so downright entitled.

If it's costing you more than you earn then take some unpaid leave. Share it between you at your DH.

I think that your MIL had good intentions but the work took her by surprise and she had to prioritize her own health. None of us can do what we were doing at 25 anymore.

Does your side of the family help?

Practice some kindness and a little thankfulness that she is able to do a day a week.

Similar actually happened to us which meant we’d missed the cut off to apply for the funded hours… maybe a similar situation

It's awful she's unreliable but no, you can't ask her for money. Take it as a lesson learnt, you don't rely on her in future. I've been in this situation and it's rubbish, now we pay for reliable childcare and it's much less stressful.