To charge my MIL for childcare since she’s stopped helping halfway through the summer holidays?

[CookyPsych]

Bit of a WWYD/AIBU combo here really. MIL offered to do 3 days a week childcare over the summer hols to help us out as I’ve gone back to work FT. All smiles and “of course I’ll help” back in June. Great. We sorted everything round that.

Fast forward 2 wks in and she’s suddenly “too tired” (she’s 62 and quite fit tbh) and now only wants to do one day. No discussion, just dropped it on us Monday morning. DH is useless and doesn’t want to “rock the boat” 🙄

Cue me panicking and having to scrabble round for emergency nursery cover and begging favours off other mums. It’s cost us £300 already and that’ll keep rising. We wouldn’t have booked her in if MIL had stuck to what she agreed. Feel like we’re being taken for mugs.

WIBU to ask MIL to contribute to the cost? I’m not expecting full whack but surely if she pulled out of what she offered halfway through, she should at least chip in?

DH thinks I’m being harsh but I’m just knackered and stressed and feel like she’s left us in the lurch. Honest opinions pls before I actually say anything to her.

Why isn't DH doing the scrabbling round, it's his mum who has dropped you in it.

No you can’t ask
well you can but I don’t think it would go too well

you're very snippy about her only being 62 and tired
Childcare is flipping knackering and she’s entitled and allowed to change her mind

your employer may offer emergency parental leave
maybe your DH needs to step up

Christ. The number of people who expect free childcare truly amazes me. No you can't ask your MIL to pay. Just pay for childcare like plenty of other people do. Yes its annoying that she's changed her mind but your children are your responsibility FFS.

If she hadn't offered to do it, you still would have had to pay for childcare though.

It's annoying that she has changed her mind without notice, but it hasn't actually cost you anything except the stress of trying to find another solution at the last minute.

Your child and your bill.

Your mil is doing you a favour.

Shamefully ungrateful, entitled behaviour, OP.

No you really can’t charge her. You know you can’t. You and your DH will have to juggle annual leave and leave without pay or paid-for care.

Of course you can't charge her! It's shitty she's left you in the lurch and I would be pissed off too, but she's still doing you a big favour. For free.

Idont think you can tbh I’d be remembering this though when she wants favours in the future. I’m not saying I’d never do anything but only when it suited me and would give a hard swerve if I was busy or tired.

Your MIL is unreasonable to cancel this late on but I don’t see how she’s taking you for a mug?

Even though she’s messed you around and you have every right to be annoyed, she’s still saving you paying for a day of childcare a week and it is ridiculous to think that she has any responsibility for your childcare bills. She doesn’t.

No, you can’t charge her. It’s not her responsibility to pay for childcare. You could ask if she doesn’t mind contributing if she’s well off but that’s about it.

Has her dropping out last minute meant that childcare you could have booked if you’d known sooner now become unavailable or more expensive. I can see why you’re annoyed of course!

Why is it only you “scrabbling around” for childcare and begging favours? Why not your DH? No wonder he doesn’t think it’s a big deal - it’s not affecting him!

Are there no holiday clubs you can use for school aged ones?

Good luck with that !

It’s annoying but you can’t charge her. That would be appalling rude of you. If she hadn’t offered at all you would still have had to pay for childcare

Please don't, you'll ruin relations with MIL forever.

You have learned a hard lesson and it is so tough for you, I'm sorry.

Don't ask mil again for any childcare favours above the one day a week.

I mean, of course you can’t. That would be absolutely insane.

She’s let you down, and that’s infuriating. And now you know never to trust her with such things in the future. An irritating and expensive way to learn that fact, but good god you can’t ask for the cash.

You’re not out any more money than you would have been if she hadn’t offered. Chalk it up, don’t rely on her again, but absolutely do NOT ask her to pay for childcare for YOUR children.

I also don’t see how “taken for a mug” applies here btw

Very good point!

Of course you can’t! You’re lucky to have had any free childcare. This is why you can’t rely on favours. Organise paid childcare like everyone else.

My MIL did the same over 20 years ago, just decided it’s too much with zero notice. I had to hand my notice in as no childminders etc. It damaged our relationship especially as a few years later she started looking after other grandchildren. My ex husband didn’t have a backbone and said nothing! We were also paying her so I feel your pain. Charging her I don’t know but as I said damaged our relationship big time

She's not financially responsible for your kid. I get her backing out is tough, but that could happen with non family care too and you wouldn't expect them to carry your financial responsibility.

Yes send her the bill and see how quickly you also need to find childcare for the Mondays too!

Sounds like she's left you in the lurch, not DH. You need to make this more his problem. Don't go paying for the extra care yourself. I can see you're having to arrange cover as DH is too pathetic to take any responsibility, make sure that DH pays his share.
You can't ask MiL to contribute, but you can let her know that you are pissed off at her unreliability, and the fact that it's causing you a heap of problems. She won't care though, because DH is not being inconvenienced.
Going forwards, you know where you stand with her now. Don't rely on her again, and don't knock yourself out to accommodate her.

Of course you can’t ask! Your child isn’t her responsibility. What would you have done if she had said no to watching child?

I agree with those who say you can’t charge her but don’t believe her in future if she offers help. I’d get your husband to sort any remaining childcare that is needed. It’s his mum that has let you down. He’ll need to sort it or take a few days off

I can see why you’re frustrated and this is one of the reasons I’ve never even considered asking grandparents for regular childcare. You absolutely can’t expect her to pay though. Surely it’s not costing you any more than if she’d just said she’d do one day a week from the start - and she is still doing one day and saving you money so I wouldn’t rock the boat or that might disappear too!