To charge my MIL for childcare since she’s stopped helping halfway through the summer holidays?

[CookyPsych]

Bit of a WWYD/AIBU combo here really. MIL offered to do 3 days a week childcare over the summer hols to help us out as I’ve gone back to work FT. All smiles and “of course I’ll help” back in June. Great. We sorted everything round that.

Fast forward 2 wks in and she’s suddenly “too tired” (she’s 62 and quite fit tbh) and now only wants to do one day. No discussion, just dropped it on us Monday morning. DH is useless and doesn’t want to “rock the boat” 🙄

Cue me panicking and having to scrabble round for emergency nursery cover and begging favours off other mums. It’s cost us £300 already and that’ll keep rising. We wouldn’t have booked her in if MIL had stuck to what she agreed. Feel like we’re being taken for mugs.

WIBU to ask MIL to contribute to the cost? I’m not expecting full whack but surely if she pulled out of what she offered halfway through, she should at least chip in?

DH thinks I’m being harsh but I’m just knackered and stressed and feel like she’s left us in the lurch. Honest opinions pls before I actually say anything to her.

All the pps are right : why is this “your problem”? Presumably dh is happy that you’re contributing financially to the home. He has to take the rough with the smooth. Just make it HIS problem. Dont even offer to help.

I’m sorry you had to learn this the hard way, but parents and ILs helping with child care is never a good idea IMO for this exact reason, they can and do pull out at any moment.
I don’t think you should ask her for money, but don’t ask her for help or accept any offers of childcare help again. It’s just easier to pay for it, you know where you are then.

What a joke.

What would you have done if MIL hadn't have offered in the first place?

as a result of last minute booking of childcare, it has cost us double per hour what it would have cost back in June’ ?

why has the cost of child care doubled?

You cannot be serious?

if you tried that, in your MiLs position I'd say no - and announce her proposed charge for the day that she has offered.

Also your husband should be sorting this out, not you

Did MIL offer or was it like my DS abd DDIL who just told me "oh you will do one day for us" I was knackered and bored ridgid. Glad it didn't go on too long

Of course you shouldn't demand she pays. Why not make your parents pay if you think childcare is grandparents responsibility equally to parents.

And why doesn't your husband sort something out seeing as it's his mum who pulled out?

Were you going to be paying her?
If not, why not? Because she's 62 and 'fit', she's got nothing better to do with her time than care for your children for free? Most 62 year olds work full time. And have lives of their own.

So she clearly doesn't want to and that is completely fair enough.

No, you definitely can’t ask for money towards childcare.
Annoying that she’s put you in a really shitty situation, but at least now you know she can’t be relied upon for future childcare.

You cant charge her. 😂 Just in future when she offers refer back to this.

What would you have done if she hadn’t offered to help in the first place? You can’t charge her but don’t use her for childcare in future.

Does she have the money?

Yes my mother was doing childcare for my niece and nephew after school 5 days a week at age 70. It knackered her but my SiL is a bit thick and didn’t see how it tired my poor mother out. My mother felt an obligation to help as my SiL is not a very good at coping.

I would have been so grateful for any offer of help that 'only' being able to save 20% thanks to the generosity of a relative would still seem like a win. I realise that MIL's timing is shit, but I wouldn't bring finances into it at all. Of course it's going to cost £300+. That's part of the cost of having a child. They're fucking expensive.

If I was your MIL and recieved that bill I'd be sending you another bill for all the free childcare provided.

It's shit she let you down but I cannot see any way in which it could be even slightly reasonable to bill her for your childcare.

It's absolutely brattish to throw a tantrum and try to charge MIL for changing her mind.

I feel like so many GPs offer it in the moment without actually realising what a commitment it is. My friend has now said she will have her grand daughter the same amount of time but she is very spontaneous and used to being free. I know it’s not going to be very long before she says it’s too much and drops down leaving her daughter in law in the lurch too.

Jesus wept. I get it's annoying. But the entitlement here is beyond staggering.

She doesn't owe you financial compensation for cancelling a favour. Ridiculous.

For fun, ask for half the money and see how fast that 1 free day a week disappears.

Your attitude is vile.

If you ask her to contribute, I suspect you'll be needing 2 days childcare not one.

Your child, your bill, your problem!

At least you're still getting one free day, that's loads.

If you want to destroy your relationship go right ahead.

It's annoying certainly but you are not 'being taken for mugs'. 3 days of childcare is a lot. She had good intentions but realised it was too much I guess.

So she has already done 6 days of childcare for you so far? Yes it’s annoying to be left in the lurch at short notice but she’s already done you a big favour and will continue to do a day a week

You can be disappointed she let you down - but you definitely definitely can not try and charge her for the cost of covering that time.