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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To complain to HR… about HR?

195 replies

ApricotFlan · 15/07/2025 23:26

Sorry, this might be a bit of a long one!

For a while now, the buzz at work has been that my head of department, Angela, was on borrowed time. Yesterday it was confirmed the rumours were true. Angela had been into her boss’s office and then went out seemingly for lunch, but never came back. Our team was then called into the boardroom and told that Angela had been made redundant, effective immediately.

Because there had already been gossip, Angela’s boss - now OUR boss until further notice - decided it was better that any speculation happened away from the office. He gave my line manager his corporate card and told him to take us all to the pub, so that any discussions would happen there.

This morning I and two of my colleagues arrived at around 9.15. We have a flexible start and end time, with the option to do anything from 8 - 4 to 10 - 6, and the rest of the team had arrived early. My colleague Louise told me that the Head of UK HR had pulled them all in and given them a dressing down for going to the pub, saying it looked like we were “celebrating”, and that Angela has most definitely NOT been made redundant and was in a process. Louise and the others had naturally told her that we’d simply done as we’d been told, and that it was our boss who’d said Angela had been made redundant. When Louise asked why my colleagues and I weren’t being included in the meeting, Head of HR had admitted she’d forgotten about us 🙄

Anyway, Head of HR appears and asks me and my two colleagues to come to the boardroom. I’m expecting an apology for forgetting us and a reiteration of the redundancy process, seeing as she now knows a) we were following orders and b) that it was our boss who’d told us about the redundancy.

No. We got the exact same spiel about how bad it looked that we’d gone to the pub, couldn’t we see that it looked like we were celebrating - even a mawkish “Think how poor Angela would feel!” We were told again that she had absolutely NOT been made redundant and was in a process.

I said, “Sorry, I’m confused - Louise said she explained we were TOLD to go to the pub, and that Angela had been made redundant.” Head of HR got flustered saying “Well yes; she did, she did.” I then asked why we were there if she knew all this. She got huffy and said again that the point was that Angela had NOT been made redundant and that this should not be said in the office. I repeated that no one had said this other than management.

Later on in the day, Head of HR had said to Louise, “I didn’t offend you all earlier, did I?” Louise, to her credit, had said that yes, frankly she did, and that the issue had actually been with our boss.

I am torn on what to do. If any other manager had treated me like this and been so inept, I would be straight on to HR. But it IS HR who have made the almighty fuck-up. I cannot comprehend how the supposed head of the UK function would a) haul the team in without even speaking to their boss, b) forget three members of said team even exist and c) STILL give the team members they forgot the original lecture, when their mistake had already been corrected! The incompetence is breathtaking.

Despite it being the UK Head of HR at fault, I do have options. One would be to complain to my boss and get him to take it up with them. The other is to go to the Global Head of HR. It’s a big move, but I just cannot fathom how this all went so badly wrong, and why I’m being hauled in to answer for the mistakes of management . Should I take this further?

OP posts:
Omeara · 16/07/2025 09:02

I thought workplace behaviour such as this had been left in the 80s.

Your new boss needs to be sent on some courses, starting with dignity and respect, pretty quickly.

i hope they have handled this ‘redundancy’ process properly but it’s not looking likely, they may well have a tribunal coming their way.

HR have handled it badly, not quite as badly as your boss, but I don’t see you’ve got anything to gain by complaining.

Handbagcuriosity · 16/07/2025 09:05

Not sure what your point of posting is as the way you respond gives the impression you very much think you are in the right and won’t listen to anyone who says otherwise.

You do all sound pretty unprofessional. Poor Angela! Why don’t you complain direct to the HR lady and see what she says in response? Why go over her head? What do you actual want to have happen?

To be honest no one should have been told anything other than Angela is no longer in the team as of x date, please respect her privacy by not discussing. Your manager has messed up the most but can see why the HR lady has spoken to you all as it does come across as a celebration.

Your manager should have dealt with the situation way better and HR lady was probably flustered as she wasn’t expecting your manager to have done such an epic screw up job of dealing with Angela’s situation and gossip in the team

Mangledrake · 16/07/2025 09:08

ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 09:01

Can you not see how your actions could come across here? Angela would have a valid complaint against you for bullying her.

For leaving the office? Explain how that is “bullying”?

By leaving the office to speculate elsewhere, in a public place, on a company card, on information about another employee that should have been confidential -and the free drinks implies a celebration.

I can see why you participated - in fact I presume this was a compulsory activity? But HR really need to be able to confirm that everyone involved now knows this must never happen again.

This was an appalling decision by your line manager - appalling enough that it should have been challenged on the spot if people had understood the issues at stake. They didn't then but they do now.

MauriceTheMussel · 16/07/2025 09:08

ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 08:59

Except it’s nowhere near unanimous, is it?

Shall I ask our HR department if they’re hiring? You’d fit right in.

You over-reacted to what HR said to you.

You’re over-reacting here.

Something has to give. You need to learn to, as the first poster said, let it go.

blackberrycob · 16/07/2025 09:09

OP, if you raise a complaint what would the subject matter be? Are you annoyed that the Head of HR spoke to you and colleagues about going to the pub on expenses to discuss Angela’s departure? What outcome are you looking for? For what it is worth as an ex Head of HR, it sounds as if the situation has not been handled well by anyone. Your new boss certainly behaved in a totally unprofessional way by sending you all to the pub, Angela’s departure although gossiped about by staff should never have been discussed by senior management and HR have tried in a very clumsy/ineffectual way to “handle” the situation. That being said, I do not think you have grounds for a complaint. HR can talk to employees about behaviours and just because your new line manager told you to go to the pub does not actually absolve you of personal responsibility and judgement.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 16/07/2025 09:14

ApricotFlan · 15/07/2025 23:35

Meaning?

Meaning. HR made a mistake and seem to have acknowledged it now. No-one died so just forget about it.

Have you got so little work to do that you have the time to write a MN post about this?

KrisAkabusi · 16/07/2025 09:19

ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 09:01

Can you not see how your actions could come across here? Angela would have a valid complaint against you for bullying her.

For leaving the office? Explain how that is “bullying”?

Angela could say at a tribunal " The whole company attitude was toxic, from both seniors and juniors, to the extent that the day I left, unable to take it any more, the company paid for a party for the whole department to celebrate my leaving".

Can you not see how the actions could be spun this way and why HR are trying to mitigate the potential damage from this bizarre sequence of events?

ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 09:23

IMustDoMoreExercise · 16/07/2025 09:14

Meaning. HR made a mistake and seem to have acknowledged it now. No-one died so just forget about it.

Have you got so little work to do that you have the time to write a MN post about this?

I posted at 11 last night. Funnily enough, I wasn’t at work then. Neither am I now - as was a key point of my opening post, I have a flexible start time. Okay with you?

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 16/07/2025 09:27

HR (proverbial dung beetle) are trying to manage the manager's FUp. You don't know if Angela has complained and this is as a result of that. Just ignore it.

Neemie · 16/07/2025 09:41

I don’t get why some mumsnetters see HR as being on some neutral higher plain who will sort out all your problems if you complain to them. They are just a bunch of administrators who work for the company, not for you. We have such a rapid turnover in our HR dept, I assume they are either on terrible pay or they have a bullying issue in their team.

Tantomile · 16/07/2025 09:48

Still going OP ...

Rosecoffeecup · 16/07/2025 09:56

You should probably just get on with your job tbh. What a load of fuss over nothing.

Cluckycluck · 16/07/2025 10:01

I really don't get how people are saying to let it go.

Does everyone not realise that letting small shit like this go is how incompetence grows?

Yes, it is a relatively small issue but things like this shouldn't happen and errors need to be corrected. HR are not immune to making mistakes but if no complaints are made no corrections can take place and noone learns from the errors.

It is not mitigating problems, it is passing blame. If the manager and HR had dealt with Angela's 'redundancy' correctly in the first place then they wouldn't need to mitigate.

@ApricotFlan Send an email to the head of HR. Confirm everything that has been said directly to her in writing so there is a trail to ensure the correct information is on record should anything ever come of it.

ShortColdandGrey · 16/07/2025 10:10

The point is it looks really bad that someone was told they had lost their job and then not long after that her whole team went to the pub. Can you not see how bad it looks? Yes, HR should have gotten the full story before they went in all guns blazing, but you are not the victim here. Poor Angela who you have all been gossiping about had been sent home possibly sacked, and then heard her whole team had gone to the pub to celebrate. How do you think that made her feel?

Cluckycluck · 16/07/2025 10:21

ShortColdandGrey · 16/07/2025 10:10

The point is it looks really bad that someone was told they had lost their job and then not long after that her whole team went to the pub. Can you not see how bad it looks? Yes, HR should have gotten the full story before they went in all guns blazing, but you are not the victim here. Poor Angela who you have all been gossiping about had been sent home possibly sacked, and then heard her whole team had gone to the pub to celebrate. How do you think that made her feel?

The point is this situation is not OPs or the teams doing. It is a situation that has been caused by the incompetence of the manager and HR.

Angela's feelings are not OPs responsibility. OP didn't sack her, OP didn't send the team to the pub. OP did what she was told to do by her manager and went to the pub. It was an exceptionally poor choice for the manager to tell staff to do this but not staffs fault for following managers orders. It could be they were sent to the pub so Angela could have a chance to collect her things from the office without having to face previous colleagues but either way it was poor choice of the manager and not OPs fault.

If Angela's sacking was justified then really the only person responsible for her hurt feelings is Angela herself.

insomniaclife · 16/07/2025 10:27

as this is AIBU, yes you are - and good heavens but you sound like hard work.

Calamitousness · 16/07/2025 10:34

@ApricotFlan definitely raise this with your boss. If I was him I’d want to know and I’d take it further. HR basically made him look a fool. Whether he did something wrong is up to him to decide. It may be he repeated what his boss told him. But why should we tolerate being treated like children. Nope.

Mangledrake · 16/07/2025 10:35

Cluckycluck · 16/07/2025 10:21

The point is this situation is not OPs or the teams doing. It is a situation that has been caused by the incompetence of the manager and HR.

Angela's feelings are not OPs responsibility. OP didn't sack her, OP didn't send the team to the pub. OP did what she was told to do by her manager and went to the pub. It was an exceptionally poor choice for the manager to tell staff to do this but not staffs fault for following managers orders. It could be they were sent to the pub so Angela could have a chance to collect her things from the office without having to face previous colleagues but either way it was poor choice of the manager and not OPs fault.

If Angela's sacking was justified then really the only person responsible for her hurt feelings is Angela herself.

It is possible they were creating space for Angela to collect her belongings etc - that's a good point.

The way the manager framed it was just terrible, and OP and colleagues seem to have taken it all at face value rather than see the problems. HR do need to make sure everyone involved sees the problem to avoid repetition and get to grips with a culture that could easily skew to bullying.

That doesn't mean they are blaming the OP and her colleagues for the initial decision. They need to make sure they understand the problem anyway and that no sane company can condone this behaviour. I'm not sure that has worked.

You could send a quick email saying, re yesterday's outing to the pub, I want to confirm that we were acting on instructions from our manager in leaving the office and participating. But I would drop the business about being left out by HR - that was remedied on the spot and not a big deal. And I would think carefully about how to communicate anything without seeming to defend the outing itself - nuance gets lost and this would be a terrible hill to die on.

Mangledrake · 16/07/2025 10:40

Calamitousness · 16/07/2025 10:34

@ApricotFlan definitely raise this with your boss. If I was him I’d want to know and I’d take it further. HR basically made him look a fool. Whether he did something wrong is up to him to decide. It may be he repeated what his boss told him. But why should we tolerate being treated like children. Nope.

Sometimes HR do need to tell people they've done something wrong. OP is indignant that they asked her to think how Angela would have felt, but any corporate values / dignity at work / anti-bullying policy will involve considering other people's feelings.

Where I think HR have failed here is that OP still didn't seem to realize that everyone concerned had been part of a disastrous PR / HR scenario by seeming to celebrate someone's departure publicly, with free drink. You can blame her boss for that and I'm sure HR do and will, but everyone involved needs to understand that it's bullying - there can't be a next time.

ShortColdandGrey · 16/07/2025 11:09

Cluckycluck · 16/07/2025 10:21

The point is this situation is not OPs or the teams doing. It is a situation that has been caused by the incompetence of the manager and HR.

Angela's feelings are not OPs responsibility. OP didn't sack her, OP didn't send the team to the pub. OP did what she was told to do by her manager and went to the pub. It was an exceptionally poor choice for the manager to tell staff to do this but not staffs fault for following managers orders. It could be they were sent to the pub so Angela could have a chance to collect her things from the office without having to face previous colleagues but either way it was poor choice of the manager and not OPs fault.

If Angela's sacking was justified then really the only person responsible for her hurt feelings is Angela herself.

So we should all just follow our bosses actions blindly? "Hey everyone Angela has been sacked, but we don't want you gossiping about it in the office so off you pop to the pub. Oh, and take the business card to pay for it" 😂If this had happened in my work place I and others would have questioned it and thought our boss was out of order. It doesn't matter if her sacking was justified the behavior from their boss and them was highly inappropriate and no wonder HR was angry

Rosecoffeecup · 16/07/2025 11:11

ShortColdandGrey · 16/07/2025 11:09

So we should all just follow our bosses actions blindly? "Hey everyone Angela has been sacked, but we don't want you gossiping about it in the office so off you pop to the pub. Oh, and take the business card to pay for it" 😂If this had happened in my work place I and others would have questioned it and thought our boss was out of order. It doesn't matter if her sacking was justified the behavior from their boss and them was highly inappropriate and no wonder HR was angry

Exactly this. Did not a single person think hmm this is a bit distasteful, let's just get on with our jobs instead

C8H10N4O2 · 16/07/2025 11:17

This is 2025 in the UK division of a large multinational? And someone senior in the firm knows so little about their management responsibilities that they share confidential information relating to a colleague’s departure then hand over a corporate card to go and gossip about it in the pub? Really? Then you are surprised that HR are unhappy about a scenario which puts the firm at risk?

All quite incredible.

Shnuzzbucket · 16/07/2025 12:38

ApricotFlan · 15/07/2025 23:30

Yes, seriously. If you don’t have anything useful to say on the subject, pipe down.

Stand back everyone.

Thread police detected.

ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 12:53

ShortColdandGrey · 16/07/2025 10:10

The point is it looks really bad that someone was told they had lost their job and then not long after that her whole team went to the pub. Can you not see how bad it looks? Yes, HR should have gotten the full story before they went in all guns blazing, but you are not the victim here. Poor Angela who you have all been gossiping about had been sent home possibly sacked, and then heard her whole team had gone to the pub to celebrate. How do you think that made her feel?

Hopefully it might make her take stock and see what a terrible manager she has been. If you’re leaping to the conclusion that everyone has gone off to celebrate, that should tell you something about how you were perceived as a manager - in addition to how your former employers rated you as a performer.

OP posts:
Nicebush · 16/07/2025 12:55

Sounds like a bit of a mess but just let it go and forget about it now.