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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To complain to HR… about HR?

195 replies

ApricotFlan · 15/07/2025 23:26

Sorry, this might be a bit of a long one!

For a while now, the buzz at work has been that my head of department, Angela, was on borrowed time. Yesterday it was confirmed the rumours were true. Angela had been into her boss’s office and then went out seemingly for lunch, but never came back. Our team was then called into the boardroom and told that Angela had been made redundant, effective immediately.

Because there had already been gossip, Angela’s boss - now OUR boss until further notice - decided it was better that any speculation happened away from the office. He gave my line manager his corporate card and told him to take us all to the pub, so that any discussions would happen there.

This morning I and two of my colleagues arrived at around 9.15. We have a flexible start and end time, with the option to do anything from 8 - 4 to 10 - 6, and the rest of the team had arrived early. My colleague Louise told me that the Head of UK HR had pulled them all in and given them a dressing down for going to the pub, saying it looked like we were “celebrating”, and that Angela has most definitely NOT been made redundant and was in a process. Louise and the others had naturally told her that we’d simply done as we’d been told, and that it was our boss who’d said Angela had been made redundant. When Louise asked why my colleagues and I weren’t being included in the meeting, Head of HR had admitted she’d forgotten about us 🙄

Anyway, Head of HR appears and asks me and my two colleagues to come to the boardroom. I’m expecting an apology for forgetting us and a reiteration of the redundancy process, seeing as she now knows a) we were following orders and b) that it was our boss who’d told us about the redundancy.

No. We got the exact same spiel about how bad it looked that we’d gone to the pub, couldn’t we see that it looked like we were celebrating - even a mawkish “Think how poor Angela would feel!” We were told again that she had absolutely NOT been made redundant and was in a process.

I said, “Sorry, I’m confused - Louise said she explained we were TOLD to go to the pub, and that Angela had been made redundant.” Head of HR got flustered saying “Well yes; she did, she did.” I then asked why we were there if she knew all this. She got huffy and said again that the point was that Angela had NOT been made redundant and that this should not be said in the office. I repeated that no one had said this other than management.

Later on in the day, Head of HR had said to Louise, “I didn’t offend you all earlier, did I?” Louise, to her credit, had said that yes, frankly she did, and that the issue had actually been with our boss.

I am torn on what to do. If any other manager had treated me like this and been so inept, I would be straight on to HR. But it IS HR who have made the almighty fuck-up. I cannot comprehend how the supposed head of the UK function would a) haul the team in without even speaking to their boss, b) forget three members of said team even exist and c) STILL give the team members they forgot the original lecture, when their mistake had already been corrected! The incompetence is breathtaking.

Despite it being the UK Head of HR at fault, I do have options. One would be to complain to my boss and get him to take it up with them. The other is to go to the Global Head of HR. It’s a big move, but I just cannot fathom how this all went so badly wrong, and why I’m being hauled in to answer for the mistakes of management . Should I take this further?

OP posts:
pearcrumblee · 16/07/2025 08:04

“Head of HR had said to Louise, “I didn’t offend you all earlier, did I?” Louise, to her credit, had said that yes, frankly she did, and that the issue had actually been with our boss.”

Sounds like she knows now.
Let it go.

Internaut · 16/07/2025 08:04

You all need to ask for formal confirmation that this incident is not on your respective records.

Sladuf1 · 16/07/2025 08:05

@thepariscrimefiles yes, the “process” the Head of HR explained to the colleagues that Angela is in is almost certainly without prejudice/settlement agreement negotiations.

TY78910 · 16/07/2025 08:07

I do think it’s a bit of a non-issue, it’s Angela that would have raised it as having upset her.

I don’t think it’s “HR” Who told you to go to the pub, more a person that happens to work in HR, Who, of course you can complain about / raise a grievance about Because there is always someone more senior that would oversee the complaint.

However, I would just (as the first poster said) Let it go.

Wolfpa · 16/07/2025 08:10

ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 07:58

If a conversation was to be had, it was to be had with our senior manager. To shift the blame is just punching down - and to go into the conversation having clearly not spoken to him first was negligent.

How do you know they haven’t been spoken to?

What was going through your mind when you were told to go to the pub?

MauriceTheMussel · 16/07/2025 08:10

I wouldn’t piss of HR, tbh.

Nothing will actually come of it that’s useful anyway. Roll your internal eyes at them. This will be tomorrow’s news today.

657904I · 16/07/2025 08:12

ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 07:58

If a conversation was to be had, it was to be had with our senior manager. To shift the blame is just punching down - and to go into the conversation having clearly not spoken to him first was negligent.

You sound like a child.

Your manager didn’t force the gossip out of your mouth, you are responsible for your own actions. If you said something that could be deemed as bullying Angela (especially given you don’t like her), your senior manager isn’t responsible for what you said or did. You didn’t have to engage in unprofessional behaviour or conversations. You are ultimately responsible for your own words/behaviour particularly at a pub off site.

You would seriously struggle to state you being pulled up for your actions in the pub, is “shifting blame from your manager”. You being told that your actions were not appropriate is not negligent - that’s actually you shifting the heat away from your behaviour. I can’t stress enough, how bizarre your team’s actions are. You’re not the victim here.

ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 08:17

How do you know they haven’t been spoken to?

Because otherwise why did it come as a surprise that we’d actually been told to do this? If HR had spoken to the senior manager they would have known.

OP posts:
ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 08:18

You sound like a child.

I’m not going to tell you what you sound like.

You’re not the victim here.

Who is the “victim” in your view?

OP posts:
allthegoodusernameshavegone · 16/07/2025 08:20

Youremylobster86 · 15/07/2025 23:40

I would just let it go OP, not sure what you want to happen?

This ^

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 16/07/2025 08:24

@ApricotFlanis completely correct. The new manager was at fault. Either that, or the disappearance of the old manager was not well explained to her. It looks like HR are getting rid of the old manager via a redundancy route, so are still technically in consultation.

Insulting people doesn’t change the facts.

Ddakji · 16/07/2025 08:24

Both your boss and HR are at fault here, your boss much more so in my opinion, so I would tell your boss what happened and leave it to them to slug it out.

Is your boss normally so unprofessional?

Wolfpa · 16/07/2025 08:25

ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 08:17

How do you know they haven’t been spoken to?

Because otherwise why did it come as a surprise that we’d actually been told to do this? If HR had spoken to the senior manager they would have known.

It could be a different person in HR who spoke to them.

Do you really not see how your actions reflect on you?

ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 08:32

It could be a different person in HR who spoke to them.

A more junior person spoke to the senior manager, then either a) they didn’t tell the Head of HR the outcome of the conversation or b) the Head of HR didn’t bother to ask before steaming in (twice, having forgotten a chunk of the team even exists)?

You’re really clutching at straws here and I’m baffled as to why.

OP posts:
Groundhogday2025 · 16/07/2025 08:35

ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 08:17

How do you know they haven’t been spoken to?

Because otherwise why did it come as a surprise that we’d actually been told to do this? If HR had spoken to the senior manager they would have known.

Maybe because they would assume a senior manager wouldn’t be so incompetent to take you all to the pub to engage in negative, bullying and gossipy behaviour at company expense.

The inept one in all of this is your manager. HR are clumsily trying to do damage control for your manager’s incompetence.

This is way above your pay grade so you really need to let this go. Your manager has opened the company up to an untold amount of risk by spreading false information. HR was absolutely right in what she was saying in that regard.

If you like your manager then let it go or you are just exposing their role in all of this, and if it gets back to the one in the redundancy process your manager could very easily find themselves involved in an employment tribunal (not to mention open to disciplinary action themself). Your feathers have been a bit ruffled but there are much further reaching consequences for not letting it go.

ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 08:36

Maybe because they would assume a senior manager wouldn’t be so incompetent to take you all to the pub to engage in negative, bullying and gossipy behaviour at company expense.

Well, we all know what “assume” does.

OP posts:
Groundhogday2025 · 16/07/2025 08:38

ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 08:36

Maybe because they would assume a senior manager wouldn’t be so incompetent to take you all to the pub to engage in negative, bullying and gossipy behaviour at company expense.

Well, we all know what “assume” does.

But the real ass is the manager, and they are making you all look like asses in the process. Let it go.

Puppalicious · 16/07/2025 08:40

The victim (if there is one) is Angela, and I agree with everyone else that your boss telling you all to go the pub to gossip is out of this world unprofessional. It doesn’t reflect well on anyone involved and I would imagine HR will be considerably more worried about the legal and financial implications of this on the “process” with Angela rather than any (fairly minor) complaint you might make.

FirstNationsEnglish · 16/07/2025 08:45

If it's not on record, it never happened. If you feel that it should be recorded, I would simply email your manager and the 'Head of HR' who met with you, with FACTS only.

"My understanding of our meeting on [date] with [name of Head of HR] and [names] present is:

[name] stated that Angela had been made redundant and was leaving immediately.
[name] stated to keep speculation away from the office.
[name] gave [name] the corporate credit card to take the team to the pub."

That way you have covered yourself and have a 'time line', just in case.

Alternatively, yes it's been a huge incompetent tits-up by all managers involved; they have realised that and made efforts to smooth things over, and yes, it's annoying, but nothing can be achieved by taking things further, other than you potentially putting a target on your back.

PrincessOfPreschool · 16/07/2025 08:46

You’re really clutching at straws here and I’m baffled as to why.

And you're accepting zero responsibility even though you've already admitted to HR what you did, albeit someone more senior gave you 'permission' to do it.

MauriceTheMussel · 16/07/2025 08:48

Entire thread: unanimous with “shut up! Let it go!”

OP: <argues>

Mangledrake · 16/07/2025 08:54

All of this has opened the company up to claims of bullying, unfair dismissal, and a likely tribunal and/or large payout.

HR are doing damage limitation, and part of that is telling everyone involved that the behaviour was inappropriate and must not be repeated. If another manager goes mad and suggests a similar activity, you'll all know to raise objections next time, and will be able to enlist support from HR.

It's annoying that your manager started this and I'm sure HR will pursue the issue with him separately, but speaking to you all about what was wrong with this behaviour was very necessary.

657904I · 16/07/2025 08:55

ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 08:18

You sound like a child.

I’m not going to tell you what you sound like.

You’re not the victim here.

Who is the “victim” in your view?

How much career experience do you have? I appreciate that you’re not senior - but this whole situation is a HR nightmare and it is shocking just how entrenched in your position you are.

Can you not see how your actions could come across here? Angela would have a valid complaint against you for bullying her. It sounds like your team was insubordinate and upwards bullying was at play, because her colleagues evacuating to the pub during working hours to gossip about her possible exit, with drinks on the company card; is the kind of outrageous incident that can get her compensation at court.

In comparison, the same cannot be said for you. Carry on acting hard done by though, in fact I encourage you to put your complaint in given how convinced you are of being squeaky clean.

ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 08:59

MauriceTheMussel · 16/07/2025 08:48

Entire thread: unanimous with “shut up! Let it go!”

OP: <argues>

Except it’s nowhere near unanimous, is it?

Shall I ask our HR department if they’re hiring? You’d fit right in.

OP posts:
ApricotFlan · 16/07/2025 09:01

Can you not see how your actions could come across here? Angela would have a valid complaint against you for bullying her.

For leaving the office? Explain how that is “bullying”?

OP posts: