To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

No. There’s a lot on here of in law drama and I often think live and let live but this is one to draw line.
She’s not her baby.
You have chosen to have her christened and already done that (different church not catholic?)
Your dh needs to say to mil you won’t be attending with baby.
I’d also contact priest and say thanks but no thanks, baby has already been christened.

My dad is a church for weddings, christenings and funerals type - sent me to Sunday school as a kid, but more so him and my mom could get a few hours peace on a Sunday morning - they certainly didn't go to church while I was there.

DH and I are total atheists. When I was pregnant, we had a discussion about getting the baby christened. I said we weren't going to and my dad was really put out. He kept saying that we should, it was the right thing to do, but couldn't really articulate why.

In the end we compromised by having a 'naming day' tied into her first birthday, where we had a big family party and asked some family friends to officiate, do a couple of readings and then grandparents and us made some promises to look after her (as if we wouldn't anyway). It was all a bit twee really, but it kept him happy.

He did (half jokingly) suggest that he would take her and get her christened at one point and it was made very, very clear that if he did that then he would never see her, or us again - I think he was quite taken aback by how much I reacted to the suggestion and he never raised it again.

If he has been as religious as your MIL my 'hell no' reaction would have been 1000 times stronger - especially if he told me it had already been arranged. I certainly wouldn't have been leaving my baby alone with him!

This is ridiculous! No Catholic priest would ever agree to do this in the first place. I can't imagine what your MIL is thinking; the silly woman must be telling a whole web of lies.

Would you please have a chat with Father Liam. Explain your feelings and how it all came about.
The only RC Priest I know would be extremely reluctant to get caught up in a family tussle. He would not like to be manipulated by MIL

This should have been a hard no from the beginning. Totally weird.

My (very catholic) maternal Grandfather dictated my Christian name - he didn't like the one my parents (both practicing Catholics) had chosen - seemingly objected to the shortened version, but i feel sure it was more to do with the fact it wasn't a saint's name!)
A new name was chosen together with a middle name. He spent his entire life hyphenating my 2 names on every birthday or Christmas card he ever sent. There has never been a hyphen on my birth certificate. I have 2 separate names. But this is 1960's level of control. Absolutely crazy that your MIL is trying this stunt in 2025. It sounds to me very much like she having a covert Catholic baptism. Was she miffed that you had a CofE one?

Glad you're saying a hard no, OP.
There's a film called Kidnapped on iplayer about the famous case of a Jewish boy, baptised without his parents knowledge, then abducted by the Pope!
Never give religious zealots an inch!

I’m an Anglican now but come from a Catholic family and if they tried this I would be incredibly pissed off! You get to name your baby, not MIL and certainly not MIL’s priest 🤯

What the point is and what needs to be said to both your MIL and Father Liam is in your own post. If you aren't absolutely blunt, clear and firm your boundaries will never be respected. And letting the priest know the actual situation helps him not to be co- opted into her bizarre power fight. He may wish to counsel jer after learning of your situation.

"I’ll be ringing Father Liam tonight and making it clear that 1) we are the child’s parents, 2) she has already been christened in the Church of England, and 3) any kind of blessing/naming ceremony is not to involve our daughter. I’ll also be telling MIL very directly that we won’t be there and neither will DD. She can pray by herself if she wants — our child is not a prop."

@Bobcomp

If she's doing a 'Presentation and Blessing of a Child' as this 'blessing, you should know that it includes a promise to raise the child as a Catholic.

They're common in Hispanic culture as a pre-cursor to Baptism.

Your child, your choice, your rules………do not let this woman take command of this re-naming event! Before you know it she’ll be taking the child to confirmation classes and ordering her white dress, veil, shoes…………!

OP, I think your points are clear but you might want to reinforce what your daughter's correct name is so even if she only gets a 'mention' from Fr Liam, it's by the correct name.

A Catholic priest will not rebaptise the child because Catholics recognise Anglican baptism. He won't do it again. He might be prepared to give a blessing, but he won't use water and oil.

I imagine he will refuse to do anything once the OP has spoken to him.

She'll have had to pay for this. There is no such thing as a Catholic "blessing". Its an actual baptism.

You need to stop her now. Next it will be sending her to Catholic school or a nunnery etc. Or something else where she takes the lead without notice.

no.

Just to add that a Catholic Priest may not view an Anglican Christian as real so depending on where the priest comes from theologically, he may think your daughter hasn't been baptised and does need to be done properly. Your MiL may feel the same

You both need to stand together and tel her to No if this is not want you want

I'm glad your husband is now on board.

You both chose the baptism that you wanted for your child.

As did MIL with her kid(s).

I feel as though I’m out in a limb here but based on what MIL arranged for us after we got married I wouldn’t object to the child being blessed if that’s all she’s asking for. The name thing I couldn’t agree to though - although I do have at the back of my mind that at some point in their religious journey catholics can choose a Saints name.
My MIL is of the same faith as the OP’s MIL, and like her deeply religious. It must have upset her greatly that we didn’t choose to marry in church, but fair play to her she never once tried to persuade us to do so and she happily went along with all our arrangements.
When we returned from holiday she asked whether she could arrange for the priest to bless our marriage, and although it seemed a bizarre idea to me I felt that as she’d accepted our non church wedding without question it was a small price to pay if it made her happy.
It was a very informal blessing carried out in the garden of her home - and I’m really glad she arranged it for us. Yes there was a prayer or two but the priest chose his words well
None of our children have been christened and after raising the issue
when our first child was born she’s never mentioned it again or asked if they could blessed. If she had I wouldn’t have objected. She does however often buy them age appropriate religious books and that’s fine by me - my memories of Sunday School, when I was young are few and far between

Definitely time for a day trip on that Sunday, nice early start, off to the seaside or a park.
I would absolutely be having a meeting with the priest and making quite sure he understands that none of her daft ideas ever happen unless you specifically agree to it.
Im afraid if you don’t stamp down on this, it will be only the beginning… Your DH needs to be “right by your side” where your child is concerned.

Is your MIL quite ‘alright?’ OP?

wrong

wrong, as in the Catechism of the Catholic Church makes it clear that you cannot be re-baptised if you have already had a christian baptism

My four are all Baptised and I was never asked to pay a penny.

Oh god, we went through something very similar with my MIL when she wanted our DC blessed in the Greek Orthodox church without our knowledge or consent. That was 14 years ago & I still bristle when I think of it. Stand your ground!

"although I do have at the back of my mind that at some point in their religious journey catholics can choose a Saints name."

this is at confirmation/first communion and they CHOOSE it, some batshit relative doesn't choose it for them

This is 100% correct. An Anglican marriage isn't recognized by the Catholic Church so a christening absolutely won't be, either.