To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

I’m glad you’ve decided not to go along with this ridiculous charade OP. DP’s parents pushed hard for us to have DS1 baptised. They had assumed it was a foregone conclusion until we said we had no intention of it. DP was all for going ahead, even though we’re both atheists, because he said it would make his mum happy and give her a day out. I mean, come on. I think DP was trying to play it down because, really, his mum thinks we’re all going to hell. Maybe he thought that presenting it as a day out would change my mind and keep the peace. I just stood my ground and he came round to agreeing with me. We’re in NI and, as far as I’m concerned, I’m sick of appeasing people and their religious views, when they refuse to respect my choice not to believe. Giving in to this nonsense would have sent out the wrong message. When I was pregnant, a priest just ‘dropped in’ while we were visiting and he blessed my bump🤣 Just out of nowhere! DP’s ma must have been getting her points marked up with God before the baby even arrived.

Just NOOOO! Your husband should really be taking this more seriously - at the very least you both should have been involved and baby’s name should be the one on the birth certificate. You need to sit down with MIL and state your parameters if you are prepared to go ahead with this fiasco.

I'd speak with Father Liam about this, and say that you aren't happy with this, and there is no way he should be encouraging it. He should be guiding her to accept her role as grandmother and understand the responsibilities and BOUNDARIES of that role.

Did your MIL think it was actually ok to plan to take your two month old baby to be baptised/renamed/blessed with a name other than your choosing under a different religion than your own choice, without you being there and with the baby having already been properly Christened?

Or does she think Fr Liam can do all this without the baby actually being present….in the baby’s absence?

I can’t understand either scenario. Both are deranged.
Your MIL sounds very disturbed.
I would be scared of her deranged thinking.

Hooooooooo boy are you gonna have problems in the future if you don't nip this ludicrous shit in the bud now.

This is incorrect. The RC church accepts Anglican baptisms and believes in the unity of trinitarian Christian denominations.

I do wish people with no understanding of what the Catholic Church teaches would stop posting misleading information like this. Did you not know that Catholics can marry non-Catholics? A Catholic wishing to marry an Anglican inside an Anglican church would need a dispensation, the marriage would be valid!

Never under any circumstances leave your DC alone with this woman. She has shown that she cannot be trusted and has no boundaries.I would only ever meet her in a neutral place if she wants to spend supervised time with your child, and sadly I wouldn't trust your DH to intervene to protect your DC from her madcap antics either, so no sending him around to her house with the baby either.

I am surprised that any priest agreed to this without speaking to the parents either. I wonder what lies she told him.

Not only is this wrong but your example was also wrong. The Catholic Church recognises Anglican marriage, for Anglicans. What it doesn't recognise is Anglican marriage for Catholics.

edit- pp made a valid point about dispensations

Well done for standing up to this OP.

in classic mumsnet style I have to say also - you have a husband problem. It’s really common when babies come along that men start to realise that their family dynamic was odd. This is where he needs to step up and form and support his own family - eg you and baby. It might be uncomfortable for him but it was not ok that he ever thought this was ok.

Weird you would have your daughter christened if neither of you are religious in the first place. We shut all that down as soon as some relatives asked if we were getting our son christened, no we aren't because we are not religious. Nothing more was mentioned.

There is no way a catholic priest should be blessing or christening a child without its parents consent.

Call Fr Liam and tell him you do not consent to your child being blessed or baptised by him and if this continues you will be talking to his bishop.

This is so she can secretly bring your child to mass.

The religion bit is weird and would annoy me but the name would make me far more cross. I grew up with a grandmother who insisted on spelling my name the way she thought it should be spelt (from her country or origin) not the way my parents spelt it, it drove me up the wall!

It is absolutely incorrect. Marriage is a completely different thing to baptism.

The RC church accepts all baptisms as long as they follow the trinitarian formula and water is used whether by pouring or immersion.

It's wild how some users love to make shit up when a quick Google search will tell you otherwise.

Crazy. If child is to be christened or baptised then it is with the name you have legally chosen. Personally as I was brought up catholic whilst I’d not be bothered about this I know it would mean a lot to older relatives and I’d be fine - but only with the name we had chosen. She will probably be under pressure from the church and friends but it still doesn’t matter. If she hadn’t changed the name and asked very kindly you might even have considered it but not now.

I’m catholic and I’m very surprised the priest has agreed to this without speaking to you. And once the baby has been baptised it’s not really the done thing anyway. It’s a bit odd.

I wonder what lies she's telling OP...

Blimey! I’m normally of the “let them crack on” mentality myself, but this is just so far beyond the realms of what’s reasonable that even I would have to put my foot down. Ultimately one little ceremony in itself doesn’t sound like a big deal, but she’s completely overriding your control as parents. How dare she?! I’m so glad you DH has seen that this is not a harmless little thing to keep her happy, this is her trampling all over your rights over your own child and would set a dangerous precedent if allowed to carry on. It needs to be made very clear to her that she’s gone too far. Much as I hate being confrontational, I’d be correcting her every time she used the wrong name.

Do please come back and tell us what the vicar says.

That line she’s crossed is sooooo far away it can’t be seen. Totally unreal behaviour!!

My guess is that he's an unwitting accomplice in the GM's bizarre plot.

Absolutely not! Not one part of that is ok and there is no way I'd let my child alone with her for longer than 5 minutes in fear she'd pop off and do it alone.
She has to respect your boundaries. It's your bloody baby not hers!

Be aware that there may also be some odd 'rules' about use of a name given in certain ceremonies - I know my grandad had that ... he was confirmed with a different name and started to use that as his formal name. So it may be, in crazy MILs eyes, that this is a way to change the name.
Hope all goes well speaking with the priest.

Absolutely not ok & slippery slope if you allow MiL to think this is uncomfortable. Simply say you are uncomfortable and it's not going ahead.

She sounds fucking mental.