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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

978 replies

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 14:25

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

OP posts:
NimbleDreamer · 15/07/2025 15:58

Snorlaxo · 15/07/2025 15:58

Please update us once you’ve spoken to Father Liam. Very curious what he says about this.

Yes I also want to know how this conversation goes 😅

CaptainCorellisXylophone · 15/07/2025 15:59

That's a VERY hard no.

Rituelec · 15/07/2025 15:59

This is actually insane.

Boundaries NOW

MissDoubleU · 15/07/2025 15:59

I’m so glad to hear your DH is on board now. This is his child, his own baby - not a doll for his mother to play with and make her feel good about herself. Her ego needs to be left at the door regarding her. You are the parents and you don’t need to placate her on anything.

CreosoteGirl · 15/07/2025 16:01

The Catholic Church recognises the validity of a baptism in another christian denomination, provided the Trinitarian formula is used. Any Catholic priest who suggests an alternative Baptism is simply wrong. I would speak to the Fr Liam myself and establish what your MIL has asked him to do.

SaintGermain · 15/07/2025 16:01

Tell her she’s welcome to have whatever kind of blessing or service she wants but you and your child will not be attending.

Your husband needs to put his foot down firmly with her now before other completely inappropriate things spring into this woman’s mind that she wants to involve your child in.

DisabledDemon · 15/07/2025 16:01

I'm Catholic and I think she's batshit! Of course she can't take your daughter off for a religious ceremony where you're invited to come along. For Catholics, christening (or baptism - the terms are often interchangeable but christening tends to apply to infants)* is of deep significance - if she's dressing it up as a simple 'welcome', she's being more than economical with the truth.

What next? Will she be expecting the full First Communion, complete with mini wedding dress?

If your daughter, when she's old enough to decide, wants to look further into the Catholic faith, OK but this smacks of control issues.

(*I'm sure you know this but others may not.)

Nopicturesallowed · 15/07/2025 16:02

You're welcome to go but its mainly for the family? Who are you then? Surely the mother of a baby is as close to family as you can get?
As someone raised Catholic with Christened babies, the name might not be recorded on a birth certificate but it will be on the Christening certificate. If you ever decide to put your child in a Catholic school, they will ask for the certificate, so could be viewed as an official document in that sense.

GonnaeNoDaeThatJustGonnaeNo · 15/07/2025 16:02

It’s just a blessing. Let it go. It will make her happy.

Zempy · 15/07/2025 16:03

DH needs to be onside too…

Charmofgoldfinch · 15/07/2025 16:04

You absolutely cannot let your MIL go ahead with the blessing or the name change, no matter how informal she says it is. It is so disrespectful to how you and your DH have chosen to raise your child. If she cannot respect your wishes regarding your child’s upbringing then I would be considering how much time and input your MIL gets with regards to DD.

PullTheBricksDown · 15/07/2025 16:04

we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”

This is the bit that would have tipped me. 'The family' - well who are you then, chopped liver? Glad to read you will be setting the priest straight. In my experience they may well dip into subterfuge but if directly confronted they'll back away from obvious rule breaking like this.

CreosoteGirl · 15/07/2025 16:04

cgiwaly · 15/07/2025 15:30

Fr Liam sounds dodgy as fuck. Even if he doesn't know about the first baptism which is possible (MIL should surely know ypu can't be baptized twice), he shouldn't be offering to do any blessing or whatever the hell it is without speaking to the parents.

When you phone him, if he says anything other than oh, I'm terribly sorry, I didn't realize the child has been baptized already, we can't baptize a child twice OR I'm sorry I didn't realize you hadn't consented to the blessing, ring or email the bishop's office.

Sometimes these priests in the "traditional" Catholic churches sail close to the wind as far as Canon Law is concerned. They interpret it how they want.

In my experience, these priests are faithful and obedient and reliable. Any Catholic priest knows that they cannot "rebaptise".

triballeader · 15/07/2025 16:05

FYI the CofE is reformed catholic in its origin rather than truly Protestant.
It has two recognised sacraments, Baptism aka as Christening by some and the Eucharist. I would therefore be very surprised if a priest would see a sacrament done in a place of worship in the name of God, of Christ and of the Holy Spirit as anything other than a recognised baptism.

As others have said there are far more hoops to jump through for a Catholic Church Baptism than a CofE one. I recommend quietly contacting the Catholic Priest and letting him know of what your MiL has said is happening and that your baby has been baptised in a church. I guess is there is what the priest said to her and what she may have chosen to cherry pick out of that and then repeat.

Epli · 15/07/2025 16:05

I was your daughter in a similar set up with a very religious Catholic grandmother who my conflict avoidant DF gave in a lot when it comes to religious 'education'. It did not end with christening, there will be other requests and even though I myself did not want to go to church since I turned 12, I was forced to and my grandmother insisted I went to confession and so on.
Then when I got older it was about going out and voicing a very loud opinions on how I dressed (thankfully at this time IDNGAF). Then it was about my staying overnight at my boyfriend's flat at the age of 21. She was a manipulative c* who used religion as a mean to control people. Say no early and made boundaries clear, otherwise you will have a lifetime of this.

Eddielizzard · 15/07/2025 16:05

She's batshit. You're in for a bumpy ride for a bit, but hold firm with your boundaries and you'll save a whole load of headache in future.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/07/2025 16:06

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 15:55

Honestly, every new comment just makes me more certain that this is a hard NO.

For anyone asking: MIL is calling it a “blessing” but using phrases like “a proper one” and “naming her properly before God” — which makes it sound very much like she’s treating it as a redo of DD’s christening. She won’t outright say “baptism” but it’s clear she sees this as spiritually corrective because ours wasn’t Catholic.
Also yes, it absolutely includes her using DD’s middle name as if it’s the “true” one. That bit is non-negotiable for her — which is the whole problem, really. This isn’t about faith, it’s about control dressed up as religion.

I’m now thinking it’s not even just about her beliefs. I think she’s embarrassed in her church circle that the baby wasn’t christened “properly” and this is a weird, performative way to reclaim that in front of her community. It’s not a private moment of prayer — it’s a little show where she gets to feel like matriarch.

The more I think about it, the more unhinged it seems that she could even arrange this without us — no prep classes, no parental signatures, no godparents, just… a booking and an assumption. It’s wild.

I’ll be ringing Father Liam tonight and making it clear that 1) we are the child’s parents, 2) she has already been christened in the Church of England, and 3) any kind of blessing/naming ceremony is not to involve our daughter. I’ll also be telling MIL very directly that we won’t be there and neither will DD. She can pray by herself if she wants — our child is not a prop.

DH is on board now. I think reading through some of your comments and seeing it laid out this clearly helped him realise it’s not harmless fluff — it’s actually disturbing that she’d try to override us like this.

Thanks again, seriously. I feel much more confident going into this conversation.

A wise approach, @Bobcomp, but providing Liam turns out to be a sensible type and you feel you can trust him you could, if you prefer, leave him to tell MIL it won't be happening

I don't mean not to say anything of course, but if you choose you could simply say that as DD's parents you've sorted it all out yourself, which would also send a worthwhile message for the future

BruceAndNosh · 15/07/2025 16:06

If your daughter is named Crimsyn-Rose Bernadette, you can guarantee that your MIL will call her Bernadette after her "proper" blessing

Hesma · 15/07/2025 16:07

Im a Catholic and that is mental. She needs to butt the f* out

sunseasex · 15/07/2025 16:08

No way would that be happening!!

TheFormidableMrsC · 15/07/2025 16:08

TY78910 · 15/07/2025 15:45

Ahhhhhhh okay! So in OPs update it’s a ‘blessing’ but sounds like in the blessing the middle name will be used and it’s not a baptism. That makes more sense around how it happened. And she’s pretending for herself that it’s a baptism as she’s a hardcore Catholic.

in which case, let her crack on with the blessing, but do not allow the middle name to be used as the first, and do contact Fr Liam just to make sure you know the plan

No no no. This will be the tip of the iceberg of MIL overstepping in the most appalling way. If she gets away with this, it’ll just be the start.

OP, I am Catholic (long lapsed) and I’ve seen some batshittery, including my Nan throwing holy water over visitors she didn’t feel were holy enough. She never forgave her DIL (my mum, a non Catholic) for marrying my Dad who was a grown ass man when he asked her to marry him. Of course it was my Mum’s fault for saying yes. I could go on and on. I’m so glad you’re not allowing this and putting your foot down. Make sure Fr Liam is absolutely clear that there will
be no baby or parents at this event and you do not consent. Also, be very clear to your MIL that she calls your child by her name and nothing else. Iron cast boundaries going forward.

Ebidebslim · 15/07/2025 16:09

Unfortunately, I have experience of a MIL who did not think we would be married “in the eyes of God” unless we had the Priest from her RC Church bless us at our CofE wedding - she practically hyperventilated in the church as he was late …… anyway roll on a few years and our firstborn was Christened in a CofE church at 4 weeks old - with me breast feeding at the back of the church …. Just to make sure she got the message…. Luckily by then she had other grandchildren to indoctrinate.
Do not give her an inch as she will take a bloody mile …….

BungleWasBrill · 15/07/2025 16:10

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 15/07/2025 14:30

Sorry, is she expecting you to hand over your child for this blessing and not to go? Just say no, your child has already been baptised. She’s welcome to have whatever “grandparent” event she wants but you’ve already baptised your child so it’s done. Say you’re happy to email the priest and explain the confusion, you’ve already done this and have no interest in having another blessing with MILs preferred name.

I agree with you and the other posters, the MIL is completely out of order here.

If it's "just a personal thing" for her, then she doesn't need the priest or the church, surely?

The priest shouldn't have agreed to it, either. MIL is overstepping, and he is enabling her to overstep. Not on.

drspouse · 15/07/2025 16:11

I'm surprised the priest is allowed to do this. Foster parents, for example, aren't allowed to get a child baptised - if you are an adoptive paren but the adoption hasn't yet been finalised, you have to wait till that happens for baptism.
It's like she's re-registering the birth with the name she wants.

Twiglets1 · 15/07/2025 16:11

I would consider it daft but harmless but then I'm completely atheist and all religion seems nuts to me.

If it upsets you though, your husband has to step up and tell his mum that you as a couple don't want this to happen.

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