To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

@Bobcomp tell her to sod off!!! she is not taking your child into her church for anything and you have already had her named. it is not up to her what name your child is given, no matter how bloody religious she is!! I would be contacting her priest and telling them this is not happening under any circumstances!

Ahhhhhhh okay! So in OPs update it’s a ‘blessing’ but sounds like in the blessing the middle name will be used and it’s not a baptism. That makes more sense around how it happened. And she’s pretending for herself that it’s a baptism as she’s a hardcore Catholic.

in which case, let her crack on with the blessing, but do not allow the middle name to be used as the first, and do contact Fr Liam just to make sure you know the plan

you don't have to see the point. Its not your child.

Dh is Catholic and my children were baptised in chapel, we had to attend pre baptismal family meetings with the priest and also choose Godparents. She's just gone ahead and arranged it herself without your agreement? Unhinged.

Also this I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name. Will 100% happen if you allow this nonsense to go forward.
Tell her no.

Reminds me of an episode in Young Sheldon where both grandmother's try to christen the baby. The mother says a very clear no.

Yeah this is bonkers. But does remind me of a story told by one of my Catholic uni mates about a priest he knew that secretly slipped either Mary or John into the baptismal names of children whose parents had chosen insufficiently traditional names for his liking.

OP, I can't see any problem with her priest blessing the baby - that's kind of nice. But Father Liam needs to use the baby's actual name. And you need to be present. Hopefully Father Liam is the type of priest who has Seen It All and will help your MIL come round to this.

YANBU. Your MIL is actually insane. Are there any other Catholic relatives who might be able to tell her from a position of ecumenical credibility (as far as she's concerned) that she's actually insane?

Your DD is YOUR baby. She is not so accessory that your MIL can do what she likes with.
I’m so glad you are going to speak to Father Liam!

The slippery slope of MIL trying to take over has begun. Who the fuck does she think she is not calling your DD by her name?
You and your DH need to put your foot down now - this will be an absolute going forward as she will think she has more control than she should have!

Love your comment about how she can do it symbolically - your family don’t need to be part of that.

Your husband needs to tell her, along the lines of:

"You are massively overstepping here, mum. Our child has been baptised in accordance with our beliefs. Our child will not be re-baptised in your church with the name you prefer. We will be following up with Father Liam to make sure he understands that we have not given permission for you to do this and explain that this would be entirely inappropriate for him to do this without our knowledge or permission."

Straight no from me. Just not her place at all. And I wouldn’t leave her alone with the baby either.

ummm OP. I'd be fairly sure she knows what she's doing....but it may be that the priest does not.
You know your husband best of course but I'd be making clear that, at least where your MIL's religious expectations are concerned, he's either going to have to learn not to conflict dodge or he can let you deal with it. Dealing with his mother will give him one upset womam in his hands, leaving you to deal with it will give him two. His choice.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless

That's your problem, right there

Sometimes these priests in the "traditional" Catholic churches sail close to the wind as far as Canon Law is concerned. They interpret it how they want

Indeed, @cgiwaly- and not just in the catholic church - but while it's important not to assume anything about Liam, this is why a conversation with him is needed to clarify exactly what he and MIL think they've arranged

If it’s all just “symbolic” and “no big deal” like she says, then she can symbolically not do it

A sensible attitude, @Bobcomp, though I suspect you'll find she considers it a much bigger deal once you resist
That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it though, if only to prevent this escalating in future

Its a No from me.

And all contact with my child would be supervised

Ah OK it makes more sense now that it's not a proper baptism but your MIL in her deluded fuckery is pretending that it is.

I think your plan of contacting the priest is a good one and if it was me I'd be asking to get the blessing cancelled. I'd also be urging the priest to give the MIL a reminder of what her role is regarding the religious upbringing of the child (i.e. none!) but that's just cos I'm petty AF.

Wow OP. Just wow!!

Agree with so many, absolutely speak to the Priest. No way can this happen without parental consent and I’d wonder what he’s actually been told. I’d almost be tempted to call her bluff and let her know you’re speaking to him… I bet you’d see the colour drain from her face.

Do not let any of this happen, and have a word with DH to find his backbone as this could just be the start of it - will she be demanding a Catholic school? A communion? Draw a line under this now - you are her parents and you make these decisions, not her.

If it was me and I was being especially petty I’d also be getting some personalised cardigans, head bands etc with her name loudly and proudly showing and ensure she wore these items every time MIL is around

I agree with other posters that direct contact with Father Liam would be a good move.
He will probably be taken aback when he realises what your MIL is trying to embroil him in; probably news of your DD's entirely valid Anglican baptism has not been passed to him.
I have an acquaintance who left his ministry in the Church of England (he was Anglo-Catholic) to become a Roman Catholic priest, and another friend wryly commented that he was moving "from the church of do as you please, to the church of do as you're told!", as Anglicanism, reflecting its political history, can present in many different forms. For example, the local bishop can decided to move an RC priest to another parish without consultation, since there he will have no family to be considered.
If Father Liam doesn't move back when he knows the full facts, it should be relatively easy to find out who his boss is, but I think it's highly unlikely you'll need to do more than put him in the picture.

Honestly, every new comment just makes me more certain that this is a hard NO.

For anyone asking: MIL is calling it a “blessing” but using phrases like “a proper one” and “naming her properly before God” — which makes it sound very much like she’s treating it as a redo of DD’s christening. She won’t outright say “baptism” but it’s clear she sees this as spiritually corrective because ours wasn’t Catholic.
Also yes, it absolutely includes her using DD’s middle name as if it’s the “true” one. That bit is non-negotiable for her — which is the whole problem, really. This isn’t about faith, it’s about control dressed up as religion.

I’m now thinking it’s not even just about her beliefs. I think she’s embarrassed in her church circle that the baby wasn’t christened “properly” and this is a weird, performative way to reclaim that in front of her community. It’s not a private moment of prayer — it’s a little show where she gets to feel like matriarch.

The more I think about it, the more unhinged it seems that she could even arrange this without us — no prep classes, no parental signatures, no godparents, just… a booking and an assumption. It’s wild.

I’ll be ringing Father Liam tonight and making it clear that 1) we are the child’s parents, 2) she has already been christened in the Church of England, and 3) any kind of blessing/naming ceremony is not to involve our daughter. I’ll also be telling MIL very directly that we won’t be there and neither will DD. She can pray by herself if she wants — our child is not a prop.

DH is on board now. I think reading through some of your comments and seeing it laid out this clearly helped him realise it’s not harmless fluff — it’s actually disturbing that she’d try to override us like this.

Thanks again, seriously. I feel much more confident going into this conversation.

Oh hell no! Firstly, the child is already christened. Secondly (and I will eat my hat if she doesn't) Your mother in law will forever call the child by the name her priest christens her with and will encourage the family to do the same.

Totally bonkers and well done you for not standing for this. Absolutely talk to Father Liam, he will be mortified!!

Well done x it takes a village etc but when that village includes nut job in laws Mumsnet is pretty good too x

Sheesh!

Definitely make sure you speak to the priest.

If we want to give the benefit of the doubt who am I kidding! it might be because the certificate you had was CoE and not the full Catholic rite - but even so, it should be your choice as parents, not hers!

If you get no joy with the priest you can go above his head to the diocese; his Bishop will likely look seriously askance at a baptism rite being performed without the permission of the parents when there’s no legal reason for this.

But if it’s scheduled for a Sunday, take off somewhere with child. Leave DH to be re-baptised if it’s just his mum being bloody idiotic and completely gaga ‘herself’ and not that much of a problem to him.

And ask him what he did with the balls he quite obviously possessed around 12 months ago, as he needs to use ‘em to stand up to his mum.

Please update us once you’ve spoken to Father Liam. Very curious what he says about this.

From a practising Catholic and a grandmother - NO!!!

“naming her properly before God”

Was God busy for the first one then ?

Maybe look into worshipping an omnipresent one - saves on travel.