To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

placemarking as I’d love to know what on earth MIL was thinking with this debacle!

She's two stops past Barking! I'd be making a call to the catholic priest advising him of the situation and that as mum and baby won't be attending he may as well cancel.

🤣🤣🤣 not an overreaction at all! Do you know any devout Catholics?

Not a fucking chance I'd allow this

I'm not sure if you're talking about me because I described myself as a "devout Catholic" just to reply to someone's question about using saint names 🫣. Just wanted to give my perspective as a person in the modern day church (and also say that MIL literally can't get baby confirmed as some people suggested earlier). As far as I know, everything I said was true though. Totally didn't want to create any debate on what does/doesn't happen.

Just to reiterate my point of view - MIL is totally in the wrong! And even if she was right, her actions are pretty unnecessary. I just wanted to comment to get notified when the OP updates again ...

I hope my daughters-in-law read posts like this, they make me sound angelic 😁

It does sound a bit odd. Tbh, the priest probably thinks so too. Personally I would just let her get on with it as long as there were no implications re the name and she didn’t expect us to go.

Really!@! Well the second word would be "off" and the word preceeding it would begin with "f" and I don't swear that often. Who the hell does she think she is?? As for "harmless" from your DH, tell him to get a grip and tell his mother she's had her kids, done as she pleased with them she does not get to take yours and get her "baptised" in any bloody church. For me that would be the start of nc with MUL and no way would she be left alone with my child.

Err, this woman needs to be reminded that it's your child, not hers. I would be furious if my mil did that to me. To go behind your back making arrangements and then expects you to be OK with it...She will be one of them that will call you child by the name she wants...lt is not OK, far from it....

Remember to return cards, gifts, and anything else offered to your daughter in your non-chosen name, too. Remind the giver of the name on her birth certificate.

Tell her to butter out in no uncertain terms! Your child, you choose the name and imposing her beliefs by way of the blessing is outrageous!

So pleased to hear that you've got the power of Father Liam behind you now, though that's going to be a difficult conversation for him. I suspect that once she was baptised using her middle name your MiL would start saying that it was her proper name and using it all the time.

I'm sure you'll have more tussles with her over the years though: church school, confirmation, first communion etc. Stick to your guns!

A simple "No thank you" . I wouldn't justify why as you dont need to.
But if she insists, then be honest say "Willow" isnt coming and this is making both myself and your son feel uncomfortable.

My GD were christened and confirmed, my own children were not. But DiL was brought up catholic and her concession to her mainly Irish family was having it all done C of E rather than not at all. I'd never interfere though!
Really looking forward to hearing the reaction from MIL after Father Liam says his piece.

Which the OP DID, several pages ago.

You don't have to read the whole thread, but it's not difficult to read the OP's posts.

She’s unhinged, you sound overly reasonable! Do you rely on her for childcare? I would change that pronto if so.

Your MIL may expire on the spot when the priest has a stern word with her. I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation!

'You're welcome to come...but it's mainly for the family'!! You are the family OP. I think this is outrageous behaviour and I be calling a halt to the whole thing. I do wonder if the priest is aware that the child has already been christened and this is entirely your MiL's idea. I'd be letting him know that this is not going to happen and telling your MiL to back off. Your DH sound under her thumb. Is he?

My DM is Catholic, I'm agnostic, I'm sure she's secretly christened my DS (just by herself, though she probably would arrange a ceremony herself)

She went over your head, knowing you wouldn’t approve hence her arranging it without your knowledge. So as your daughter’s parents you both have the final say. Just sit her down, with your husband (who must be on the same page) and explain its not what either of you want for your daughter. If she’d asked you before she arranged it, the answer would have been the same. You can say you’re sorry that she wasted her time but it’s your decision not to allow it. Religion is a personal choice and you understand how she feels (but it’s your child, not hers). You don’t have to get into a lengthy conversation about it, otherwise she will feel got at. Just say a firm and fair ‘no’ then make damned sure you take your daughter out with a friend for the day on that date.

Her intentions are very dishonourable and underhand, she would certainly start using the unofficial middle saintly name.

Just out of interest was your daughter Christened in a CofE church or a Catholic one? You win either way. If a catholic christening, well it’s already been done. If a C&E church, you can’t have the two mixed up together. Good luck!

Sorry I should have read on before reacting! I was just astounded.

From a theological perspective, the Catholic church doesn't consider people to have been baptised unless they have been baptised Catholic. That's why there's the conversion course for adults followed by baptism + confirmation often at Easter.

If you might ever want to send your child to a Catholic school, there's an argument for going along with your mother in law's plans (and treating it as an 'in' to work towards Catholic baptism).

Otherwise, a kind thing to do would be to speak to the priest as it sounds like your child's grandmother could do with some pastoral support. That's at the same time as either telling her no or putting limits around it eg. using your child's name.

Historically unbaptised babies who died (as happened a lot more in the past) couldn't be buried in consecrated ground putting them in the same 'category' as people who killed themselves. The priest may be more able than you to get to the bottom of what your MIL is worried about if it's something like that rather than her being horribly controlling.

Don't think you should feel the need to justify this – there could be countless reasons.

If you baptise a child, it leaves the path open for THEM in the future to decide where to take their faith (or not). Faith and spirituality is so personal and can ebb and flow throughout life, so to have made this decision leaves an open door for your child and doesn't necessarily mean you needed to have had a superlative faith yourself/ves.

You as parents can choose Baptismal name for your daughter - including using her first name as her Baptismal name.

Also is it a Blessing or a Baptism? Speak to the priest direct as her parents.

I dont know if this has already been touched upon. But.. who is she planning to name as your childrens godparents? This is a necessary part of a baptism service in the Catholic church at least it is where I am from.

I agree with other posters. If you allow this she will have the green light to change her clothes at her house. Take her to the hairdresser etc. Also once it becomes time for school this baptism may come rear it's ugly head in the dorm if a request for the child to attend Catholic school. I attended and my children currently attend so I'm not against this. Merely pointing out that this ain't a cute harmless bonding experience it's the beginning of her trying to control your child's life