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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

978 replies

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 14:25

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

OP posts:
Popcornready · 16/07/2025 18:31

Major overstepping of boundaries, personally a massive no. Firstly for a religious reason that you don’t follow second changing your child’s name absolutely not. If and a big if she has suggested it with your child’s chosen name I’d of being annoyed but maybe a little more empathetic toward her but this is a massive red flag 🚩 what’s next if you allow this ??

RetirementIsGreat · 16/07/2025 18:32

I would also have DH that if MIL refers to DD with middle name instead of first name, she won't see her DGD until she uses first name.

Dugongs · 16/07/2025 18:33

If it's "no big deal" to her, she can deal with it not happening then !!!!!

It's also asserting your authority before you become a doormat for her demands and interference with the way you and your husband bring up your child

WaterOfADucksBack · 16/07/2025 18:34

Oh you got it sorted sorry I didnt read thread. Well done

MiloMinderbinder · 16/07/2025 18:35

You cannot be “re-born” - baptized - twice. It is a madness in theological terms. Attempting a second christening is acting in contempt of the Christian faith. Also, this is entirely up to the parents, nobody else. Certainly not MIL

Kerensa70 · 16/07/2025 18:38

Oh this is horrible! Please don’t allow this. This is your precious daughter and your time. It’s just so rude, she’s had her time to choose names for her babies.

godmum56 · 16/07/2025 18:39

independentfriend · 16/07/2025 18:26

From a theological perspective, the Catholic church doesn't consider people to have been baptised unless they have been baptised Catholic. That's why there's the conversion course for adults followed by baptism + confirmation often at Easter.

If you might ever want to send your child to a Catholic school, there's an argument for going along with your mother in law's plans (and treating it as an 'in' to work towards Catholic baptism).

Otherwise, a kind thing to do would be to speak to the priest as it sounds like your child's grandmother could do with some pastoral support. That's at the same time as either telling her no or putting limits around it eg. using your child's name.

Historically unbaptised babies who died (as happened a lot more in the past) couldn't be buried in consecrated ground putting them in the same 'category' as people who killed themselves. The priest may be more able than you to get to the bottom of what your MIL is worried about if it's something like that rather than her being horribly controlling.

This is absolutely not true. The Catholic Church does recognise baptism into other Anglican churches providing that the commonalities are met. These are use of water, invocation of the Trinity and the intention of the celebrant who need not be ordained. This is the official stance of the Global Roman Catholic Church.

Lesleyhill22 · 16/07/2025 18:41

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 18:43

Quick update:

I’ve just spoken to Father Liam.

He was polite but clearly caught off guard. He had been told there was going to be “a private family blessing,” but he hadn’t been given many details — certainly not that the child had already been baptised in the Church of England. He also hadn’t been told that we, the parents, weren’t aware or involved. When I explained the full situation — that MIL had arranged this unilaterally, that our daughter already had a baptism, and that we absolutely don’t consent to anything — he became very firm.

He assured me no blessing or ceremony will be taking place.

He said (his words): “It would be entirely inappropriate to proceed with any religious rite concerning a child without parental consent, especially when the child has already received Christian baptism. I will be speaking to [MIL] myself.”

So that’s that, thank God (and I mean that without irony).

I’ve told DH. He’s relieved it’s been shut down officially and will be calling MIL tonight to make it clear that this kind of thing will never happen again. If she wants a relationship with DD, it’ll be on our terms — not through secret services and fantasy name changes.

Thanks again for all the comments and righteous fury. You’ve helped me see this clearly for what it is, and honestly? I feel like I’ve dodged a long, exhausting future of this kind of behaviour by nipping it here.

Will keep you updated if MIL kicks off — I strongly suspect the martyr act is incoming…

Brilliant, well done to you and father Liam and your husband for getting the clarity you needed. If MIL has any histrionics just let her know that you won’t be picking her toys up and putting them back in her pram. She really should know better, she is not displaying one iota of sensitivity for you, yr husband or daughter. Totally blinkered by her religion.

JuliaBaby · 16/07/2025 18:45

Apologies if this has already been suggested but why not speak to the C of E priest who baptised your DC and ask for guidance on what to say to Father Liam? In my experience there is often enough communication between the different religions to allow for understanding. It might be that the Catholic event would simply be a blessing in which case no panic needed. But agree about the way it’s been handled and use of correct order of names non negotiable if it goes ahead.

Judiezones · 16/07/2025 18:45

Are you sure your MIL's priest knows your daughter has already been baptised in a Christian church? I wonder if MIL didn't tell him, as I was told by a Catholic priest that it's not necessary or usual to baptise someone who has already been baptised.
Apart from that, MIL needs to be reminded she's not her child and she doesn't get to name her or make arrangements for her without your sayso.

JuliaBaby · 16/07/2025 18:47

Oops just seen the update. Glad you are happier.

Wadadli · 16/07/2025 18:49

DodoTired · 15/07/2025 19:54

Ok well it was a bit of a F U to MIL then given that’s she is very religious and your parents are not really
;)

Show quote history

It was an attempted fuck you to the parents by the MIL, since the child has already been baptised in the Anglican Church. MIL now has to suffer the indignity and shame (of her own making) of a conversation with her priest. Good: serves her right 🤣

Julimia · 16/07/2025 18:51

Simple answer... No! End of. Tell her you've sorted it your way no need to bother. Definitely crossing more than the line.

llizzie · 16/07/2025 19:02

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 14:25

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

What do the godparents say about it, after all, they have to agree to be godparents when needed? They may not be able to name the child, but they should be aware that MIL is attempting to do such a really silly thing.

I would be very surprised if a Priest of any denomination would allow such a thing to happen.

LatteLady · 16/07/2025 19:03

@Bobcomp Your mother is very lucky she did not meet my Irish mammy who was the Parish Priest's housekeeper, if she had got wind of this, woe betide your MiL... because Fr Liam would have passed it on to her and your MiL's feet would not have touched the ground. Also, my ma was a great believer in not interfering in your children's lives because her own mother had told her if she did not marry my father she would be left on the shelf... she was 23!

I am so pleased, even as a very lapsed Catholic that Fr Liam has stepped up and she should think herself lucky that priests no longer read out members of the congregation from the altar!

Fogey · 16/07/2025 19:11

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 14:25

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

Absolutely 100% not OK on any level. She’s wrong, wrong, wrong. Not her child, not her business and given the appalling recent child abuse exposeés regarding the Catholic and C of E churches I would be asking her why she feels their opinion is worth Jack Shit.
It’s your baby … do things your way. Religion is/can be extremely devisive… it’s how wars start…tell her to do one.

suburberphobe · 16/07/2025 19:16

She's probably worried about the babies soul not having been 'properly' baptised.

Sorry, having a chuckle here.

My parents were non-religious - both sets of grandparents too, maybe living through WWI and II?

Did none of us any harm.

"Religion is the opium of the people".

Hmwales · 16/07/2025 19:16

It's weird as hell and DEFINITELY not ok. You should not allow this to go ahead.

BlueIris111 · 16/07/2025 19:16

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 14:25

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

I understand it’s tough and I wouldn’t be happy either and I don’t blame you from not wanting to allow it. I don’t think your being unreasonable at all however although I’m not catholic I do know a lot about them and I’d try to look at it from her point of view. Some traditional catholics take their religion very seriously believing that their religion is the only one given the authority to give blessing from god. With this point of view and caring about her granddaughter she may be concerned for her future if she doesn’t receive a blessing with the proper authority. Ie other blessings don’t count in the eyes of god. Mormons have very similar views to this. She may have been taught that the child would be condemned or be missing out on something . I’m not sure what they’d be missing out on exactly as I grew up Mormon not catholic . But I just wanted you to know that this might not be personal and it might just be a worried grandmother .

maybe try and sit down with her and your husband and have a chat about how you feel and see if you can come to some agreements . But it’s totally up to you if you let her do the blessing or not and you’re not being horrible by saying no. I just wanted to make sure you could understand what her point of view could be

Daftypants · 16/07/2025 19:21

She’s massively overstepping here !
just no !

Calloja23 · 16/07/2025 19:23

No,no and no! Definitely not! How can MiL think this is ok. She's unhinged!

Cabinqueen · 16/07/2025 19:31

WaterOfADucksBack · 16/07/2025 18:34

Oh you got it sorted sorry I didnt read thread. Well done

🤣👋🏼

Elle771 · 16/07/2025 19:32

Glad its sorted and that you went straight to the priest who sounds sensible! Hopefully no more dramatics for you all now 🙏

Wadadli · 16/07/2025 19:37

BlueIris111 · 16/07/2025 19:16

I understand it’s tough and I wouldn’t be happy either and I don’t blame you from not wanting to allow it. I don’t think your being unreasonable at all however although I’m not catholic I do know a lot about them and I’d try to look at it from her point of view. Some traditional catholics take their religion very seriously believing that their religion is the only one given the authority to give blessing from god. With this point of view and caring about her granddaughter she may be concerned for her future if she doesn’t receive a blessing with the proper authority. Ie other blessings don’t count in the eyes of god. Mormons have very similar views to this. She may have been taught that the child would be condemned or be missing out on something . I’m not sure what they’d be missing out on exactly as I grew up Mormon not catholic . But I just wanted you to know that this might not be personal and it might just be a worried grandmother .

maybe try and sit down with her and your husband and have a chat about how you feel and see if you can come to some agreements . But it’s totally up to you if you let her do the blessing or not and you’re not being horrible by saying no. I just wanted to make sure you could understand what her point of view could be

Show quote history

Why?

TimeConsuming · 16/07/2025 19:41

How can it be for “family” if her parents aren’t a necessary part??

It seems the issue is the line. Will she recognise that she is not the parent and has no right to represent the child without parental permission?

at what point will she recognise parental authority and consent?

why doesn’t the priest want the parents present?