To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

YANBU. It's weird as hell. I have not read the whole thread but have read OP's posts and am very glad to see that Fr Liam has been informed of the true situation.

Some churches believe God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are all the same entity. I don't, doesn't make sense to me. Children are pure no matter what faith (or none) they're born into and their souls go straight to heaven. The whys and whereofs of why those children die is something I struggle with, disease and natural disasters are nature and I can cope with it, people who actively choose to kill, abuse or neglect babies or little children I cannot wrap my head around and I think they are evil. They'll get their reward. Also people who have no understanding of right and wrong because of a learning disability are considered innocents.

Your MIL's feelings of entitlement and righteousness are absolutely off the scale. The child is yours, not hers.

It's obvious abuse, of a kind we should surely stop tolerating.

At best, it's deluded adults exploiting and tormenting little children to help reinforce their delusions.

But as we know after so very many trials and convictions, the exploitation is even more cynical than that.

They didn't know much about the teaching of the Catholic Church did they.

Anyone else picturing Father Liam as the hot priest in Fleabag?

They would say they did 🤷‍♀️

Well handled OP.

There's been some batshit goings-on over the years in my in-law family who are very very Catholic (fortunately no attempt to involve our children).

The worst I remember was when they were convinced 7 year old nephew needed some sort of exorcism....

This has actually reminded me of when I had my babies Christened (20ish years ago).
Growing up I was really close to my friends entire family. Including her Irish Catholic Granny. When I had my DC Christened into the CofE, I invited her as she was a beautiful soul. She couldn't come for health reasons, declared "Church of England? Well I guess it's close enough" and sent them a very generous cash gift.

If you're not religious at all, why did you do a christening for DD? I don't understand that part.

Regarding MIL - She is massively overstepping.

Apart from the irony of our own little superfluous side thread here, do you really think someone who hasn't read the full thread is going to skip to the end, read one post saying "RTFT!" then think, "ooh, best read the full thread, I wasn't going to, but this post has compelled me to?".

Issa no from me. Period. She ain't taking my child. But she can take DH as that's her child and get him re blessed! WTAF!

Lovely update!
Longer version: I was raised loosely Church of England — not devout by any stretch, but I grew up going to the village church at Christmas, weddings, funerals, etc. It’s where we were married. My parents are fairly relaxed but quietly spiritual, and they asked gently if we’d consider a christening. It felt like a way to include them, acknowledge that wider family/community feeling, and mark our daughter’s arrival with something meaningful, even if we aren’t regular churchgoers. It was personal, warm, and completely on our terms.

That's exactly what we did and why we did it 29 years ago. It meant a lot to my parents who are now long gone and I didn't see any harm. The DC didn't have any other kind of religious involvement from us although they went to a tiny village CofE school so did the harvest festival / Christingle stuff at the village church. Both are avowed atheists as adults and I doubt they will follow suit if they have children.

Tell her thanks but no thanks. Your child, your rules and she doesn't have to be in your child's life if she doesn't agree.

I would also make sure she is never alone with the child or has baby overnight

I wouldn't just "let her crack on" as it isn't harmless this is just the beginning of her trying to take over. Your mil needs to take a step back and it needs to be her son that has to tell her to do so otherwise she is going to have a massive impacted on your lives in the future and it's going to impact your relationship

The only thing daft is you not being religious and having a fake religious ceremony for your child then getting upset when someone actually wants to do it properly

She has absolutely no right to do this. Your husband needs to make it totally clear to her that this is not happening.

Howling to the moon territory. Ring the priest and put a stop to it. Firm words with dh too. Then gently explain to her you had the service you wanted the first time thank you very much and there’s no need to be bothering. And keep her in a short leash about other stuff going forward. Nothing like religion for causing war.

@Bobcomp has already spoken to the priest, @Whatwouldnanado - the whole thing has been knocked on the head, and he is going to have a word with her MIL.

You can click on “see all” under the OP’s posts, to see the updates.

Came back this evening to read your update from last evening @Bobcomp - I am so glad you got it sorted in a way that you and your DH are happy with; and that Father Liam saw the situation for what it is and handled it in the right way.

It's early days, but you are already showing yourself to be an amazing mother. How lucky your daughter is, to have you in her corner, ready to stand up and say no to insidious bullying (because that's what this was) on her behalf. Awesome.

Best wishes to you, your DD and DH. x

So glad you got this sorted and hopefully with the priest also giving her a chatting to abut how she has behaved - it'll help set her straight coming from one of her own, so to speak.

Hopefully she will also now tread more carefully not to overstep the mark and push boundaries

It never fails to amaze me that some grandparents think they have any sort of say what happens with their grandchildren.
She's had her time with small children and being able to have some control, now she has none.

No. Absolutely not

We have done the naming ceremony, thank you.

Whys theres always this big emphasise on how "non-religious" people are? Like it's something dirty. Such a shame.

Your daughter, your rules. Tell her to get lost.