To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

I see, fair enough then.

.....this story has to have a third act... I'm on the edge of my pew here....

I've seen a few nature programs over the years with the likes of David Attenborough etc where it's quite common for simian matriarchs to try and take over a baby pushing the mother aside. I think that's what's happened a bit here.

Is it ‘cancel the ceremony’ from now on instead of ‘cancel the cheque’? Just wondering … 🤔

Feel really sorry for the poor priest who has been thrown into the middle of all this.

His reaction was 100% spot on- the child has received a Christian baptism end of.

For what it’s worth, my catholic grandparents refused to attend our baptisms because they « didn’t count » in the Church of Scotland so why would they bother making the journey.

Bit of an aside but I found this program interesting. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0027f4d

I think "RTFT" is becoming just as much of a "cancel the cheque" tbh.

except its needed sooooooooo often

It doesn't "fix" the fact that someone's made the superfluous comment. It just adds another superfluous comment.

hopefully someone else reads it and doesn't make yet another superfluous comment?

Wow, well done, I applaud your courage. I had a situation with my mom, who was seeking to baptise my children in the Catholic Church behind my back, but parental consent was required, so she couldn't do it. Some religious people are so crazy that they think it's their duty to do it or the baby will go to Hell or something similar. Keep firm xxx.

How can it be personal if it includes someone elses child.

lunacy and cheeky doing another blessing
with a different name is off the charts out of order.

Christ! The second hand rage I felt just reading that! What a lunatic. I would seriously be limiting contact and only with you/DH present. Glad he stepped up, so much easier with a united front!

NO! Does she seriously believe that because it’s all arranged it’s going ahead. I’d tell her that I’ve arranged to see if she’s sane & it will clash with the blessing so she’d best cancel. If you allow this she’ll be taking the child away from you next.

This is the definitive MN batshit crazy thread. Poor OP having to deal with this level f lunacy, but I'm glad she was able to stand up for herself.

What an absolute nightmare of a MIL you have on your hands there OP.

That's a complete overstep on her part and actually just quite nasty of her tbh. The bit where she said "you're “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”." Really stood out to me as if she sees herself more family to your dd than you both are. That's unhinged. I can't believe she had the audacity to utter the words.

I'm so glad you did as you have and spoke to Father Liam and have called this out and I'm glad your dh is on your side now. I think you need to sit down and have a very open conversation with your dh about how you're going to approach things with MIL going forward. His instinct is probably going to be "crack on" and he won't see the bat shittery for what it is sometimes initially but that could easily turn into marriage ending stuff if he's not very careful so I think it's very important for you both to talk this through now, when things are calm and before you're in the midst of the next thing she does (because there's no way there won't be something) so you're agreeing your boundaries together with clear heads. Because standing up to her will be very uncomfortable for him and provoking for her initially.

Hopefully you've nipped this in the bud and she'll rethink how she approaches things going forwards.

I also would be very keen to see if Father Liam would be willing to wear a hidden camera for his conversation with her. I'm actually completely invested in this now, it's one of the worst MIL overstep I've read on here in a while!

.

Lavender14..I'd be willing to donate £10 to Father Liam's church funds for the privilege of being the fly on the wall!

OP has informed him and cancelled the “blessing” as there’s no parental consent.

OP, I wish I had a Father Liam to speak to my MIL years ago I hope he's an exorcist.

On a serious note, you've really dodged a bullet here - but be prepared, this is likely not the end with your delightful MIL.

Stay strong, sister, we're rooting for you, DH & DD.

Opening popcorn🍿

What on earth is MIL thinking(or not as the case may be). All religions seem to have problems and to arrange it without your knowledge is very strange behaviour.

The pastoral conversation between Fr Liam and MiL, unless it seriously crosses into contacting the lead person under the Diocese safequarding policy, and will be solely between them. Fr Liam may have to use the board book version on baptism as a recognised sacrament with her. It seems clear that basic and current cathechism around baptism has not found root in the midst of folklore takes on what being a catholic is really about.

I have seen the expression on DH face when he has come back from those kind of pastoral encounters when he has had to straighten up presumptions of what is correct from members of the congregation (Catholic wing CofE). I just hand him hot tea and a biscuit as I know he cannot talk about anything that was said with me.

I find that abhorrent.

And I'll not apologise for that for one second.

@Bobcomp

Oh, hell, no!!!!!! WTF? Your baby is YOUR baby - it's absolutely not her place to christen her!! That's all kinds of overstepping. You need to put her back in her box.

The priest shouldn't even be doing this service without the parents present.