To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

His view was, “If it means something to your family and not mine, let’s go with it.”

But it would have meant something to his family. I can kind of see MIL’s viewpoint (although she’s gone about it in totally the wrong way) - you’ve done a religious ceremony that suits your family but not hers. Could you not compromise and have the Catholic blessing with you and DH involved too and using your baby’s full name? What would Jesus want? Everyone to be included!

His view was, “If it means something to your family and not mine, let’s go with it.”

Perhaps the choices were no Christening or a CoE one?

What would Jesus want?

Well the New Testament might give a clue, in Matthew 10:34-36:

"Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household."

I don't know much about the catholic faith, but the MIL is not a good ambassador!!!

I don't think that is a fair way to describe this. If, for example, you are at Mass and have a child who can't take Communion the priest will bless them if you take them up to the altar. This doesn't need to be prearranged, the priest doesn't need to use the child's name so no what this grandmother has "arranged" isn't the default.

Well the MIL, and presumably other members of her family, saw the child being Baptised, a valid Baptism accepted by the Catholic church. No need for anything else.

Any Catholic can baptise a baby into the Catholic Church - It’s normally someone Ordained, but they don’t have to be.

I would go along with it - never know if you might want to send your child to a catholic school.

It’s not happening. Read the update

She’s not ‘in the congregation’ though. And I think the priest who performs the services probably knows better than you, no?

Actually that's true in many Anglican churches, not sure if all. There have to be the three requirements, same as baptism by a priest or vicar. As previously mentioned, these are use of water, invocation of the Trinity, and intention.

Our local Catholic is so under subscribed they happily accept heathens. So not sure its as useful as it sounds.

Very bizarre. Everything about it. Your husband needs to put his foot down!

No evidence that she kicked up a stink. Considering her balanced tone on here, I suspect that she wanted to know what MIL told him and what this event was because MIL sounds very vague and evasive- imagine not discussing this with the parents beforehand?

I suspect that she wanted to know what MIL told him and what this event was because MIL sounds very vague and evasive-

Well that's the thing isn't it?

If it wasn't another Baptism wouldn't Fr Liam have said?

If it was a simple blessing & acknowledgement during mass, what's the big deal about the name?

My mil is a bit like this and wanted us to have a 'proper christening' ( church) as she honestly believed that a baby who may die without being baptised would never go to heaven and be in purgatory for ever. She adores her grandchildren and was a ball of stress about it so I gave in and had their christening in a church even though my dh and I aren't practising. She's otherwise lovely and it was coming from a place of love so I did it to save her from that stress.
Id want them to use their proper name though.

I certainly don't get the impression from the OP's tone that she would have gone in all guns blazing and kicked up a stink. She sounds very measured and sensible to me and filled the priest in on details MIL had omitted.

…and just to add, a Priest will bless any child that is carried up during Communion.

Even if the bit about this suiting OP's family but not MIL's, and even if it had been done deliberately, why exactly should that be changed?

Like everyone else MIL's absolutely entitled to her choice of religion but she doesn't get to impose it on others, and though she almost certainly believes otherwise hers isn't the "superior/premier" one in any way

Of course that leaves the option of indulging her to be "nice" and "inclusive", but given the way she's behaved I'm not sure that would be wise

Your MIL was being bat shit and deceived her priest but you had your DC christened according to your DPs faith but not hers, even though hers means more to her, while claiming neither of you have any.

Totally fair enough if you personally are actually a bit CoE whereas your DH is not catholic at all. Or you have issue with the Catholic church that you dont with CoE. But whatever the reason why you should have spoken to MIL beforehand about your choice for the christening beforehand and could have given her the option of a blessing then on your terms.

He has. Per the most recent post from the OP "DH spoke to her earlier and told her (very firmly) that it’s not happening and that she’s massively overstepped."

She didn't need to speak to the MIL beforehand at all or to get her approval.

It's nothing to do with the MIL what religion the baby is baptised in. The parents decided what they wanted to do between them and then went and did that which is their right. Also it's highly unusual for a non-Catholic mother to baptise their child Catholic so if the MIL felt so strongly about this then she should have said something when her son married a non-Catholic woman.

If the MIL felt so strongly about this then she should have said something when her son married a non-Catholic woman

She very probably did, but once again she doesn't get to impose her own choices on others, and if her DS opted to marry "outside of the faith" then that was a matter for him

It's coming out very strongly on here that some (and that is only some) catholics expect their faith to be regarded as "primary", and they'd do well to realise that they don't get to dictate that, no matter what Rome might say

it keeps being said but grandparents do not have the right to be involved in decisions about their grandchildren unless the law says so. The parents discussed the situation, including the request from the Op's parents and agreed what they would do. They did tell the Mil, she was at the C of E christening and smiling. Its conceivable that if the Mil had ASKED the parents if they would go to her church for the priest to bless....just bless....the baby, they might have agreed. She didn't do this. instead she misled her priest and kept her plan a secret from the parents.
I see no mitigation for the Mil's behaviour. From what the OP has said, she didn't storm round to the Mil's house and tear her a new one, she was polite to Fr Liam. This is not an "equal shares" situation. A baby is not something that grandparents can expect equal to access or say in how they are raised. Hopefully this will now mean that the Mil will understand and accept this because she will be the loser if she doesn't.

Well what Rome says is this child has been Baptised into the Christian faith, totally valid in the Catholic church and not only does she not need to be rebaptised but rebaptism isn't recognised in the Catholic church.

Blame the MIL not the Catholic church.