To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

Im born late 70s and siblings 80's and none of us have remotely a saints name. None even have a middle name a saints name but for confirmation it was a thing for sure, I know this cos I wanted Crystal (after the barbie) for my confo name and it was shut down by the school teacher. Honestly a name does not make you religious but then the catholic church are the best at hypocrisy anyway so a moot point really.

For the baptismal name, I think it must be a cultural thing. My priest is Vietnamese and even goes so far as to celebrate his birthday on his baptismal saints feast day rather than his day of birth! Same with many of the other Vietnamese parishioners.

As for confirmation, 7 is the minimum age as it is considered the age of reason. But yes, it's way more common to be confirmed at the end of primary school. I totally haven't heard of people not picking saint names though! It seems to defeat the whole purpose of picking a confirmation name in my opinion?

Not acting like my parish is the best, the confirmation kids made posters for all their saints and why they picked them. Each kid who picked St Peter said something along the lines of "even fishermen can become a leader if they work hard" 😂

Father Liam disagrees. He has cancelled the whole thing and is going to speak to OP's MIL.

No. It’s a grandmother trampling over the wishes of the child’s parents, imposing her views over and above theirs and lying to her priest to do so. Absolutely not bloody on at all.

RTFT.

It’s it mil prrigatice to organise. If she felt unhappy, she should add leak to op and sh and explain this, and ask if it’s ok for Father Liam to bless baby in court.

Did you miss the part where op was excluded from the event who’s? Mil also doesn’t get to decide what the baby is called either.

Without the parents consent.

@Bobcomp Thanks for the update last night night.

I stand by my comment upthread. Your MIL will now always be notorious in the presbytery. Oh, to be a fly on the wall for the next few homilies. Priests do have a way of making their opinion known.

She sounds like a lunatic. Just don’t go. And never let her have the baby without you, or she will be running off to church.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”

Welcome to come and it's mainly for the family?? That's just weird

It would be a firm no from me, she is your child not hers, she will be trying to breastfeed her next and getting her to call her mummy

It’s weird as hell. Is she going to call your child by their middle name as well?

I imagine MIL is going to lose her shit when she realises you have spoken to Father Liam and he has words with her. That will be the worst for her, you will have embarrassed her in her church. Of course what she has done is embarrass herself.

We don't even know if MIL wanted to physically take her granddaughter into the church or just have the priest read the blessing without her present. OP hasn't said that specifically.

Ah yes that's my bad: you are right that it was in her subsequent posts which i missed. The original op had me wondering as it just said "local church" etc. I've been to "Christenings" that were naming days and in a couple of cases they didn't seem to fully grasp the difference - or maybe just had their reasons to refer to it as a Christening when it wasn't. I immediately wondered if that's what happened here .

“welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

Are you not family?

Yes, I would also be telling Father Liam that you did not give your consent...

Your MIL will now always be notorious in the presbytery. Oh, to be a fly on the wall for the next few homilies. Priests do have a way of making their opinion known.

YES - this is hilarious!!!

I think that Father Liam will probably have to start checking facts before agreeing to this kind of thing in future. He must be embarrassed that MIL dragged him into her twisted thinking.

Weirdly enough my devoutly catholic grandmother also told me I wouldn’t go to heaven because I hadn’t been baptised, and that dogs don’t get in either. I was about 6 or 7. I found both things horrifying at that age. She was so matter of fact about it.

RTFT

Nope. It’s grandma making arrangements behind the backs of the childs’ parents and deceiving her priest. She’s behaving as though she has a right to do as she pleases despite the wishes of the parents, and she’s crossed a line. It’s not about a ‘blessing’ it’s about grandma getting her own way and it needed to be shut down.

Having won the first battle (and well done you!) I would now quickly nip in the bud her calling your DC by her middle name. Each time she does it call her out and ask her politely to use her first name. Then if she continues, tell her that next time she does it you will leave (or ask her to leave, depending on location). And carry out that threat too.

if she continues to do it then you will have to leave increasingly long periods between her seeing your DC and explain why to her.

If it’s no big deal then why did the priest say it was completely inappropriate when told the parents had no knowledge and the child has already been christened? Do you think the priest is being over dramatic too?

My daughter also has a non saint name. When I told the priest the name, he said, oh there was I believe a saint of a similar name back in...? and looked at me pointedly. I believe you´re right, said I, we gave each other a knowing look and she was Christened with said name.
OP your Mil is a weirdo.

when the child's mum rang kicking up a stink about her baby being blessed (which is the normal default thing to happen for people in the congregation who can't receive communion), he is hardly going to insist!

The OP's baby is not "in the congregation". The priest should have made sure this idea had the parents' consent before agreeing to anything, and was obviously embarrassed and very apologetic when informed that the parents don't approve.