To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

Yeah, nah, not happening.

Yeah you can. You really can.

@MyLov
Devout Roman Catholic here
Blessings are pretty common, and it especially makes sense if a family has a Protestant / Catholic split.

Lots of Catholics name their kids after saints, but it isn't a requirement by any means. Our baby has a modern first name and we've only had one grouchy lady at church complain about it lol.

Some parents/Godparents chose to give their baby a baptismal name (after a saint). Some priests use this name during the baptism as it is the name God knows them by - but that is just an opinion, not actual tradition. It's also not a legal name, it's just on their baptismal certificate.

Confirmation also uses saint names, chosen by the person being confirmed. I'm pretty sure a person can't start the process to be confirmed until they are at least 7 years old as they must be able to understand what they are doing.

So I understand the concept the MIL might be going for, but she just seems to be going about it the wrong way and for the wrong reasons.

Edited: quoting didn't work

She’s basically renaming your child. How dare she?

No no no no and then hell no & if my dh facilitated this. I’d be seriously considering divorce. This will never ever ever end.
she will fill your heads child full of shit. Like purity and virginity and anti- abortion and homophobia
grim.

I'd keep it polite (although she doesn't deserve politeness) and say, "Cheers, that'll be nice for you. Of course the baby and I won't be attending, but have a pleasant time."

Call Father Liam and tell him over your cold, dead body will any of you turn up for the farce your MIL is foisting on you all.

Tell him he should be ashamed of himself for getting roped into this.

Your H needs to tackle his mummy.

(Speaking as a practicing RC).

Read the OP's posts.

Very little of this actually happens.

I'm RC and used to do baptism prep classes for parents intending to baptise their children. Priests use the name (s) the parents choose at baptism, whether saint names or otherwise. I have never once in the course of many years, with many different priests and deacons doing the baptisms, seen any instance where a name other than the official name was used.

Confirmation usually takes place well after age seven (more.like 12 to 14) and the name of a saint or other name with significance to the candidate is chosen. I've seen chosen names like Darren, Trevor, Cameron, Gary, Arlene, Sandra, Linda, June, and a few others that possibly don't feature in any list of saints. The bishops here use the full baptismal name of the candidate with the Confirmation name tacked on at the end - e.g. David Michael 'Stephen', or Catherine Margaret 'Bernadette'. Or 'Harrison Smith Gary' as the case might be.

she's batshit.
Do christenings have a bit like weddings, where the congregation is asked if they have any objections? 😂

Wtf have I just read...

Same here. Mind boggling...

🤔

Ex-RC here. What baffles me is the MIL's intended deception of Fr Liam. She was willing to risk bringing the RC church into disrepute to satisfy her own wishes. Also, while such Blessings aren't sacraments, they're still a serious occasion, and treating the occasion so frivolously is extremely disrespectful to the Church.

I reckon she'd have had quite few decades of the rosary to do for this had she pulled it off.

My uber-catholic grandmother lay face-down on the bathroom floor, weeping and wailing in crucifix position whenever anyone dropped by when she discovered that her youngest son had eloped overseas (she loved her food and her telly too much to spend all day there - it was totally performative). She was most distressed as she had decided that he was the one who would fulfil her dreams of having a priest in the family.
She also told me from when I could remember that I was going to hell because I didn't have a saint's name, even least endearing to me, when my dog died, she told me that dogs didn't go to heaven as they didn't have souls. Ruined any chance she ever had of converting me, as I immediately compared dogs to people and decided if dogs didn't go to heaven, I wouldn't go either.

Far from ok, tell her it's your baby not hers and to cancel. Your partner needs to stop this in its tracks.

All's well, the priest has now cancelled the event. Read the OP's later posts (which I failed to do before posting, too).

Yes this was my thought. And the community isn't the next door neighbours. It's the church community the child is being welcomed into. That is why the vicar was happy to baptise the baby of non religious parents. Because they still want the child to be a member if the church community. You can have humanist welcoming ceremonies or just a party to welcome your baby into your community of family and friends.

Yes I don't have a saints name as a first name but I have a Saints confirmation name. No one batted an eyelid 50 years ago.

Well not really. If you are Christian both the Christening and the godparents are quite a serious and solemn ceremony. Parents and godparents have to reaffirm their faith and promise to bring their child up as Christians. If you don't believe in the ceremony, why have it? Just put the kid in a White frock and have a party.

Just No would suffice from me, no conversation just No.

Don't entertain this for one second, she sounds unhinged!
Don't let her be alone with baby under any circumstances.

Such drama! It is a grandmother taking her grandchild to her church for the priest to say a few, words of blessing.

I am not sure who is more unhinged, your mother in law or the self proclaimed 'devout catholic' on this thread with not a bulls notion of the sacraments!

OP I read all your posts (i think a law needs to be made in here that you must read ALL OP posts before commenting) and honestly sounds like something my mother would do. Another 'devout' catholic while doing oh so many unchristian like things (although she knows what age you make your communion and confirmation at at least) but ur mil is a total nutter. I am shamelessly on here now to see what she comes up with. If shes anything like my mother she will feign an illness or something and try manipulate you into changing your mind which I know you will not do but honestly the deviousness. Christian behaviour at its bloody finest!

You mil is crazy. Well done for saying no. It's not a little thing, it's her first step in over taking you.
Glad your husband can finally see he needs to stand up to her.

A child of the 80s here - when I grew up.as catholic, saints name was a really big thing. I even had a little book with the story of the saint I was named after.

I adopted my son, and his name is brilliant, but definateky not a 'saints name'. I felt anxious about baptising him, that people would judge. He was baptised alongside a Lily-Rose and Harleigh (these are made up names, bur you get the idea).

So it was a thing - but not really any more.