To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

I’d like Cillian Murphy to play Father Liam in the film of this.

Yes I agree completely. Because the word "godparent" actually does have a legal definition and can only be used in those circumstances .... oh wait ...

Touched a nerve did I?

If it had just been a blessing in absentia after a service, Father Liam wouldn't have had to say that he'd cancel and speak to her, surely.

This is why I had asked op what denomination the church was.

In MIL's defence - and for the reasons you outline - it sounded to me as though the "low-key" ceremony was in fact a kind of "Naming Day" ceremony. If so, that would explain why a religious grandparent might have smiled through their teeth and felt a religious ceremony was still needed. Of course it is the prerogative of OP and her DH not to do so, but it would explain why MIL felt her actions were not a case of "doing it twice."

It came across to me as though she kind of thought "oh dear: they haven't realised this isn't a full ceremony. For baby's sake, I should try to organise that. Best to keep it not looking like an event to supercede the one they organised so I'll just say "come if you like."

The OP has said that it was a full christening. The low-key element referred to the numbers attending.

Omg. That is exactly what Jesus would have said.

With her preferred name instead of the baby’s actual first name?? So thoughtful. So kind.

I'd like to be a fly on the wall when. Father Liam speaks to the MIL.

I guess you did. It's attitudes like yours that put people off church and churchgoers. 🤦‍♀️

No. this will turn into years of her overstepping. Good luck!

The Catholic church recognises Protestant baptism and does not baptise a second time. I wonder if MIL hasn’t been upfront with the priest about this.

No, she hadn't - as you'll see when you RTFT.

No need to be like that. Apologies for having missed something.

You can't on the app I am using

I really don't understand any of this, and I don't think the op does either.
The cof e christening is first and foremost the initiation of the child into the church and the parents and godparents pronounce their faith on behalf of the child and promise to bring he or she up in the Christian faith. There is no getting away from it being 'super religious'
Secondly, a baptism cannot be repeated or undone. A blessing is something completely different, it is nothing to do with a baptism. Anyone, of any or no faith, can receive a blessing. It is simply asking for God's protection and favour

Religion: The root of all evil.

I have reached the end of my analysis.

It’s time humanity grew out of belief in sky fairies.

DH is the parent too. You don’t get to dictate anything, it should be decided between you.

I am very much an atheist but tbh if this makes MIL happy then I can’t see the harm. She’s not asking you to do anything. I’d let her crack on and enjoy a morning to myself. It

And I wouldn’t get all her up about her using a different name moving forward. You are just getting upset at things that haven’t happened yet. Wait until something actually happens before wasting time and energy being stressed or anxious or angry about it.

Good thing you shut it down, OP.
The audacity?! The 'cojones' on her to do that?
And your DH wanted to let it slide?????
That would just be the beginning of a slippery slope.

I sincerely think you and DH need to get some marriage counselling ASAP, because I do not think this would be the last of such incidents (could be about anything). Your husband may have seen the light this time but remember he has had a lifetime of bring 'non-confrotational' with her, he hasn't unlesrnt that overnight.

You both need to be prepared for further boundary stomping coming up ahead.

Said as a bible-believing churchgoer. RC.

This. It just sounds like she would like her grandchild blessed in the Catholic Church as that’s important to her. It’s hardly unhinged. A blessing is not a baptism. Also isn’t it common for catholics to use saints names for certain ceremonies, perhaps a catholic can confirm?

Mumtobabyhavoc · Yesterday 23:38

SilverHammer · Yesterday 23:30
Even worse is the people who talk about their Godchildren when there hasn’t even been a christening. You aren’t a Godparent. A mentor/favourite Aunt/person of significance in their lives but you are not a Godparent.

@pollyglot
**
Both of you need to take a hard look in the mirror and think about your (very un-Christian like) attitudes. You sound very much like Church snobs.
🙄

What a very strange comment.

The fact remains, that the number of times I've been a Godmother, and during the baptism of all of my babies, I've heard the faith of all these adults being reaffirmed and a promise made.
I do not make promises of that sort, or of any sort, indeed, lightly.

How can you possibly accuse @SilverHammer and me of harbouring un-Christian-like attitudes? Do you have some sort of theological argument with us? And "Church snobs??" Do explain...

Bear in mind your DH didn't sort this one out op, you did.

It should have been his a responsibility, not yours as it's his own mother

Massively overstepping MIL is a problem. Your husband pretending this is in any way acceptable is a much larger problem.

It's great you put her back in her box. It's concerning your husband tried to minimise this clear overstepping and frankly batshit level of entitlement from his mother. Hope you don't live too close to her.

Your MIL is completely batshit