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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

978 replies

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 14:25

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

OP posts:
Pigmoondotcom · 15/07/2025 22:23

Franpie · 15/07/2025 19:55

His view was, “If it means something to your family and not mine, let’s go with it.”

Is this not the same as your MIL though? Yes, she’s gone about it in a very clumsy way, which really isn’t great, but why are your parents wishes more valid than hers?

Show quote history

Honestly, because OP wants them to be, what her parents might have wanted was in line with what she wanted and what her husband was comfortable with. That’s the way it works when you’re a parent, you get to choose even if somebody else isn’t happy with it.

Pigmoondotcom · 15/07/2025 22:24

With all this stuff about her being worried that your child wouldn’t go to heaven, I’m realising that she probably thinks that if she had got away with this, then she goes to heaven, so does your husband and her grandchild. Looks like it would just be you that doesn’t make it in (I am kidding, I’m not religious!)

whynotwhatknot · 15/07/2025 22:28

so what did she say when dh told her no

JustSawJohnny · 15/07/2025 22:29

Waterweight · 15/07/2025 18:37

Its hardly a "massive power play" OPs husband/partner was raised with religious parents & agreed to have a small local ceremony with OP without any issues (un-religious)

The baby could now be blessed into any & every religion without causing it any harm so why not just make a joke privately & move on ?

Life's too short really

Show quote history

Father Liam disagrees with you.

MarxistMags · 15/07/2025 22:33

Totally out of order. Your child, your choice. End of.

Spirallingdownwards · 15/07/2025 22:34

That's a hard No

Couchpotato3 · 15/07/2025 22:44

Well done, Bobcomp. You’ve done yourself a massive favour. And well done Your DH for giving his head a wobble and getting behind you. MIL will get over herself eventually, or not, but the ball is in her court.
Prepare for some flying monkeys to accompany the martyrdom!

BusyExpert · 15/07/2025 22:50

completely out of order. Just say no and don't make the baby available to her.
outrageous.

Piknik · 15/07/2025 22:55

Well done for standing your ground and shutting it down.

I expect a big faux, big wet eyed, quivery lipped response from MIL who 'won't understand' how you can deny her this 'little thing'.

Prep your DH to be ready to shut that down as well.

Show her this thread if need be.

Pawse · 15/07/2025 23:00

#prayforFatherLiam 💪🏻🙏🏻

Love it!!!

Kchs232 · 15/07/2025 23:00

Was your MIL planning to actually take your daughter to the church for this "blessing"? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like she just wanted the priest to read out a blessing for her, after her prayed for the sick etc

Calliopespa · 15/07/2025 23:04

Kchs232 · 15/07/2025 23:00

Was your MIL planning to actually take your daughter to the church for this "blessing"? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like she just wanted the priest to read out a blessing for her, after her prayed for the sick etc

I wondered that too,

Otherwise the "you are welcome to come" comment is pretty weird.

DreamTheMoors · 15/07/2025 23:04

There’s a word for this and that word is NO.

Enough4me · 15/07/2025 23:16

Wouldn't you like to be a fly on the wall when Father Liam asks her about the original service and why she tried to arrange another with parental consent?!

I'd certainly use this example to stop her in her tracks if she ever gets anywhere near it again. Sadly, although she is family, I wouldn't think you could ever let her babysit for your child as she doesn't show either of you respect.

Notsosure1 · 15/07/2025 23:16

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 14:25

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

I’ve replied to you as got bored of endless scrolling to reach the bottom to answer, sorry.

The woman is a controlling/ narcissistic bitch. She is probably used to controlling her family so that has extended you and your family by way of her son. She shows a massive lack of self awareness or is so confident that her way is always the right way that she doesn’t care if you think it odd, because everyone else will agree she’s right.

I’d try to have as little to do with her as possible if going NC is not possible. She has no qualms in undermining you and it will only get worse as she likely regards your child as her possession and she must be obeyed to keep the peace etc. Fuck that.

Fgfgfg · 15/07/2025 23:19
father ted dancing GIF

It's not Father Liam Finnegan is it? The dancing priest in Father Ted

LillyPJ · 15/07/2025 23:30

You are definitely not being unreasonable! Your MIL is being ridiculous and offensive.

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/07/2025 23:30

Notsosure1 · 15/07/2025 23:16

I’ve replied to you as got bored of endless scrolling to reach the bottom to answer, sorry.

The woman is a controlling/ narcissistic bitch. She is probably used to controlling her family so that has extended you and your family by way of her son. She shows a massive lack of self awareness or is so confident that her way is always the right way that she doesn’t care if you think it odd, because everyone else will agree she’s right.

I’d try to have as little to do with her as possible if going NC is not possible. She has no qualms in undermining you and it will only get worse as she likely regards your child as her possession and she must be obeyed to keep the peace etc. Fuck that.

Show quote history

If you look in the bottom right corner of any OP you will see the option to "see next" of the OP's post or "see all" which will remove all the other responses.

SilverHammer · 15/07/2025 23:30

pollyglot · 15/07/2025 20:18

I'm always curious about why non-religious people choose to have their children christened. It requires adults involved to affirm their own Christian beliefs and intention to raise them in the Church. So the parents and godparents actually lie in church? Why not just a knees-up naming ceremony at the pub?

Even worse is the people who talk about their Godchildren when there hasn’t even been a christening. You aren’t a Godparent. A mentor/favourite Aunt/person of significance in their lives but you are not a Godparent.

Toptotoe · 15/07/2025 23:31

How do you have a "low key' christening? I think the words are the same - its all quite intense as I recall.

Tryintobe · 15/07/2025 23:31

I'm am usually it's it makes Mil happy whas the harm but this is a massive overstep. I personally would ask to speak to the priest and say wth has been done without knowledge or consent. Most priests I've met would be mortified by this, it's deeply offensive to both them and their church that they have been put in this position. Then I'd leave the consequences for her and her God to sort out.

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/07/2025 23:34

PLEASE!!!! Read the OP's posts!

She HAS spoken to the priest, the ceremony HAS been cancelled (by said priest).

Its easy, click "see all" in the OP's first post, its all there!

Yet another "Cancel the cheque" thread! Quite a few recently.

SilverHammer · 15/07/2025 23:34

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 19:52

A few people have asked — quite reasonably — why we had DD christened if neither DH nor I are religious.

Totally fair question. The short version is: it was about tradition and family, not belief.

Longer version: I was raised loosely Church of England — not devout by any stretch, but I grew up going to the village church at Christmas, weddings, funerals, etc. It’s where we were married. My parents are fairly relaxed but quietly spiritual, and they asked gently if we’d consider a christening. It felt like a way to include them, acknowledge that wider family/community feeling, and mark our daughter’s arrival with something meaningful, even if we aren’t regular churchgoers. It was personal, warm, and completely on our terms.

None of that justifies MIL deciding she gets a do-over with a new name and a new priest. That’s not about God. That’s about control.

For what it’s worth, the C of E vicar who christened our daughter was wonderful — kind, low-key, and made it very clear that the christening was also about welcoming her into a community of care, not indoctrination. That felt right.

DH, as I’ve said, is technically Catholic by upbringing but hasn’t practiced since childhood. His view was, “If it means something to your family and not mine, let’s go with it.” He’s fully on board now that he’s seen just how far his mum was willing to go behind our backs.

We’re still waiting for the fallout from MIL. She hasn’t called or messaged since DH spoke to her earlier and told her (very firmly) that it’s not happening and that she’s massively overstepped.

I’m torn between relief and dread. But mostly I’m proud that we’ve stood our ground and grateful to all of you for giving me the language and clarity to do it.

Will update again if the martyrdom goes nuclear 🙃

How did you get round the having to reaffirm your faith at the christening?. And promising to bring your child up in the faith?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 15/07/2025 23:38

SilverHammer · 15/07/2025 23:30

Even worse is the people who talk about their Godchildren when there hasn’t even been a christening. You aren’t a Godparent. A mentor/favourite Aunt/person of significance in their lives but you are not a Godparent.

Show quote history

@pollyglot

Both of you need to take a hard look in the mirror and think about your (very un-Christian like) attitudes. You sound very much like Church snobs.
🙄

NewPersonHere · 15/07/2025 23:39

SilverHammer · 15/07/2025 23:34

How did you get round the having to reaffirm your faith at the christening?. And promising to bring your child up in the faith?

Show quote history

It’s CoE, invented to circumvent strict church rules…