To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

its you

Practicing Catholic here. Your MIL is batshit crazy and seriously overstepping. What next deciding what school she goes to. Tell her firmly no that your daughter has already been christened and you’re not indulging her foolishness. You need boundaries with her

Say no. Don’t let her babysit.

Point out to her that in the unlikely event the child decides to become a confirmed Catholic, the child can choose a new name at that time.

A Blessing is not a Baptism.

During mass, we are sometimes asked to pray for eg a sick family member, whose name has been left in the 'prayer request book'. When there is a special, more personal request, the Priest will say something like, "today I have been asked to say a blessing for baby bobcomp, who has a family member present". The person being prayed for doesn't have to be present, hence MIL's comment that you don't need to attend.

I think that your MIL is misrepresenting a simple and routine Catholic practice, possibly to emphasise her displeasure over your baby's name.

Why do people keep announcing that they’re Catholic before they reply? Weird and unnecessary. Your opinion is no more valid because you’re Catholic. Bizarre.

I don’t know why you’d pretend to yourself that a christening in a church by a vicar isn’t religious - it is, even if that doesn’t suit you to acknowledge.

Or accept that your ‘relaxed but spiritual’ parents who ‘gently requested’ a christening aren’t in fact, simply religious.

Your Mother-in-law had no right to try and arrange any of this but you seem to want to have the benefits of a christening - in the church where you were married - by a vicar without accepting that it is fundamentally religious. That the sense of community, marking the rites of passage together, has always fundamental to Christianity.

She is being completely unreasonable! Please don’t indulge her.

Glad the priest was so supportive. Dying to hear how your batshit MIL reacts, and glad you've found MN such a help.

She’s being deeply disrespectful of your own beliefs and decisions - it’s totally not her place to do any of this.

I suspect (Liam) will have come across this nonsense before

Looking at the accounts of worries about the dead not being beside those who've gone before and flames licking at tiny souls I'd say you're right, @Ohthatsabitshit

I've every respect for personal belief - even those I don't share - and appreciate that churches need to keep people onside/numbers up somehow, but the grip some have on their followers' mindsets does sometimes seem a little worrying

I definitely would not let MIL take the child to church regardless of age, if she doesn’t get her own way this time with the name thing she’ll try again and again

No way!

Actually sounds like a cult from some horror movie!

Tell your DH to stand up to her.

What is it with these men who daren't stand up to their mothers?

Sorry, haven't read the thread properly.

Can see that your DH has stood up to her.
Well done to both of you.

A lot of Catholics are taught that c of e isn't real church and our blessings and communitions aren't real they're just symbolic or pretend. So they see a child who hasn't had a Catholic blessing as unbaptosed and at risk of not getting into heaven. If this is the case then she is trying to do right by the baby in her view I guess.

Will she start telling everyone your baby is a Catholic after this christening?

It’s you.

Although I agree the MIL is out of order, I suspect there is possibly something like this behind it. Many Catholics are very intent about a baby's soul and it used to be very much the thing to do it almost straight away.

OP what denomination was the church you went to? I think that makes a difference as to whether this might be what is bothering her. She might have felt the words didn't cover the baby in prayer properly. That doesn't make it her place to insist, but it might take some of the "heat" out of your feelings if you can see the motivation as one for - in her mind - your baby's best interests and not to be difficult or assertive.

ETA if it was a fairly traditional C of E church, I would have thought a Christening service would have been close enough to reassure her. But some of the more informal churches might have fallen a bit far from the mark in her mind.

I would contact the Bishop of the diocese to complain about him.

Ah, sorry I see he is not going ahead. He really should not have agreed to anything at all without parental consent though.

I’ve not read the whole thread (just OPs updates).

In the Catholic Church divorced people can get married in the Catholic Church as long as they’ve never being married in the Catholic Church? Basically meaning CofE marriages don’t count as marriages.

It doesn’t seem quite hypocritical that you got your baby Christened in the CofE church as it meant something to your parents who are MILDLY spiritual but your MIL beliefs don’t matter.

If you don’t believe in it all why doesn’t it matter if your baby is baptised in the CofE and Catholic faith? I mean I get the argument with your MIL majorly overstepping boundaries by using the middle name but surely it’s giving your DD double future options?

Also very much reminding me the episode of young sheldon when both grandmothers quickly get their granddaughter baptised incase the parents got them baptised the ‘wrong way’. https://youtube.com/shorts/AdrR5wOX0BM?si=sQFOuTM7akBmkPOc

Who teaches them that? their own church teaches that provided water is used, that the Trinity is invoked, and that the intent is to baptise, then any Anglican church's baptism is as valid as a Roman Catholic baptism. and "joins" the baby to the Church who christened them.

I'm usually team be nice to your MIL but this is absolutely batshit and totally overstepping the mark.

"Couchpotato3 · Today 14:40
At least you know just how completely batshit and deluded she is from the outset. You now know you can't let her be alone with your child, ever. She has shown her true colours early on - this is probably a good thing!
Fr Liam is also overstepping by allowing this to go ahead with no input from parents. What is he thinking?"

RTFT both of you. Fr Liam appears to have been lied to as well. Once he understood what had happened, he cancelled what the Mil had arranged and assured the OP that nothing would go ahead without the parent's agreement....he is also going to "speak to" the Mil personally.
edit @Snugglemonkey I have just seen your edit.

This has also just happened on Coronation Street 🧐

I'm not one of them, but I think it is helpful as several of the people who have done so, have explained why it is such a big deal to the MiL, and possibly why her thinking is so batshit.
No-one has tried to suggest their "opinion is more valid", just that, due to their upbringing, they have some understanding of it which many of us might not.

I think also that several people have said "I am Catholic and this is batshit" Not unreasonably they don't want their faith to be linked with this crazy behaviour.