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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

978 replies

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 14:25

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 15/07/2025 20:34

I haven’t read my rosary beads since about 1977 but I might have to as I feel that Fr Liam is going to need all the help he can get here once he’s had to deal with MIL😆God help him. What a fab chap though and with common sense.

Well done OP, I feel you saved yourself years of MN threads!

Aimtodobetter · 15/07/2025 20:38

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 19:52

A few people have asked — quite reasonably — why we had DD christened if neither DH nor I are religious.

Totally fair question. The short version is: it was about tradition and family, not belief.

Longer version: I was raised loosely Church of England — not devout by any stretch, but I grew up going to the village church at Christmas, weddings, funerals, etc. It’s where we were married. My parents are fairly relaxed but quietly spiritual, and they asked gently if we’d consider a christening. It felt like a way to include them, acknowledge that wider family/community feeling, and mark our daughter’s arrival with something meaningful, even if we aren’t regular churchgoers. It was personal, warm, and completely on our terms.

None of that justifies MIL deciding she gets a do-over with a new name and a new priest. That’s not about God. That’s about control.

For what it’s worth, the C of E vicar who christened our daughter was wonderful — kind, low-key, and made it very clear that the christening was also about welcoming her into a community of care, not indoctrination. That felt right.

DH, as I’ve said, is technically Catholic by upbringing but hasn’t practiced since childhood. His view was, “If it means something to your family and not mine, let’s go with it.” He’s fully on board now that he’s seen just how far his mum was willing to go behind our backs.

We’re still waiting for the fallout from MIL. She hasn’t called or messaged since DH spoke to her earlier and told her (very firmly) that it’s not happening and that she’s massively overstepped.

I’m torn between relief and dread. But mostly I’m proud that we’ve stood our ground and grateful to all of you for giving me the language and clarity to do it.

Will update again if the martyrdom goes nuclear 🙃

Well done to both you and DH - and I’m pleased but not surprised that the priest responded the way he did. Again it makes it clear how inappropriate what she was doing was. Hopefully he will “counsel” her to get her head on right.

SpryCat · 15/07/2025 20:38

JustMyView13 · 15/07/2025 20:00

It’s a firm no from me to allowing the MIL to rebrand DD ‘in the name of god’. Jesus wept, I’ll have a puff of what she’s smoking though. Strong stuff.

Pass it over, so I can have a puff too 😊

Tinatubby73 · 15/07/2025 20:39

No way in this world would I allow that.shes definitely crossed a line and being totally disrespectful to you

TY78910 · 15/07/2025 20:40

TheFormidableMrsC · 15/07/2025 20:34

I haven’t read my rosary beads since about 1977 but I might have to as I feel that Fr Liam is going to need all the help he can get here once he’s had to deal with MIL😆God help him. What a fab chap though and with common sense.

Well done OP, I feel you saved yourself years of MN threads!

🤣🤣🤣

Can we start a fan page for Fr Liam. What a guy

OriginalUsername2 · 15/07/2025 20:42

she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”

I think I would have burst out laughing at the audacity!

And what has your baby got to do with Father Liam?! It sounds a bit like she’s bringing him an offering 😬

MascaraGirl · 15/07/2025 20:42

Father Liam rocks!!!!

WildCats24 · 15/07/2025 20:43

whynotwhatknot · 15/07/2025 19:52

wow what an over step and lying to a priest im sure that will fo down well

Somebody needs to go to confession….

Nikki75 · 15/07/2025 20:46

This is so far away from ok .
Your husband is being a coward by letting her crack on .
No it's not ok and it wont be happening is what Id be saying .
Also saying your welcome to come what the hell it's your child.
Draw your line in the sand wether she likes it or not now or what else will she try and do .

Twinkletoes62 · 15/07/2025 20:50

No no no, also have a (Irish) catholic MIL and was always overstepping the mark. If its any consolation it has improved as she has aged and our kids are grown ups!

Topseyt123 · 15/07/2025 20:51

Nikki75 · 15/07/2025 20:46

This is so far away from ok .
Your husband is being a coward by letting her crack on .
No it's not ok and it wont be happening is what Id be saying .
Also saying your welcome to come what the hell it's your child.
Draw your line in the sand wether she likes it or not now or what else will she try and do .

Another who hasn't read the thread. It has all been done, and the DH hasn't behaved like a coward. He has actually tackled his mother on this.

Oldieandgoldie · 15/07/2025 20:55

@Bobcomp

Please also be aware that at age 10(+?) your Mil may try to take your child to be confirmed…!!

Nikki75 · 15/07/2025 20:56

Have read the updates so glad you put a stop to this ... that was all about the mil and not your child.
Good stuff hubby backed you up .. happy days x

Pebblypusscat · 15/07/2025 20:59

I'm a Catholic and I think what she is doing is very, very odd. I don't think a priest would allow this to be honest...it would have to come from the parents of the child themselves. The changing of the name etc....so strange.

Even though I had my children baptised as Catholics I am afraid she is being very unreasonable by forcing her religion on to you and your child. Time to stand up to this odd behaviour and nip it in the bud. I imagine she will be very put out by you standing up to her.

Noseynebs951 · 15/07/2025 21:02

“You’re welcome to come????” And it’s mainly for the family? Eh, what family if it’s excluding the most important people in that child’s life, the parents? Did she think you’d really just hand your child over? Don’t think so!!!!!

I am happy to respect all religions and point of views but she wants to override your decision and will only get worse if you don’t stop this now. So glad you put a stop to it and the priest was so nice about it. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that conversation was with a priest.

Good luck with the MIL, stay strong and under no circumstances is she to confuse your child by not using their real name. I’d probably keep her at arms length if I could moving forward

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 15/07/2025 21:02

Kchs232 · 15/07/2025 19:28

This is a good point, your husband obviously grew up catholic but you are both supposedly not religious but you chose Church of England? Was it a secret F you to your MIL?

Show quote history

OP said that she was raised loosely CoE, and in my experience, you can be loosely CoE without a fuss - as displayed by the MIL here! Our CoE vicar was wonderful at telling moralistic stories for school without even really mentioning Jesus at all.

There are a lot of Catholic rites and traditions that you would be very disrespectful to fake, and to CoE, can feel very overblown (I was actually taken to Catholic and CoE churches as my Catholic grandparents "insisted" on the former).

But all this is by the by. Because even if the OP absolutely did intend it as a fuck you to her MIL, the MIL would still be batshit to try to do what she did.

Doorwayss · 15/07/2025 21:04

I hope Father Liam gives her a bollixing.

Biskieboo · 15/07/2025 21:05

It's another vote for 'nip this nonsense in the bud now or else prepare for much more religious batshittery in future' from me. The whole thing stinks.

HeartyViper · 15/07/2025 21:08

She has absolutely overstepped and I would be telling her in no uncertain term, that she can go take a running jump off a cliff and hell will freeze over before I allow her to re baptise my daughter.

Then I would tell OH to grow a pair, and either put his mother back in her line or you won’t be seeing her again.

Fuming for you!

SerafinasGoose · 15/07/2025 21:10

I try to resist taking a voyeuristic interest in MN threads. BUT - how I wish I could be a fly on the wall when Fr. Liam has words.

Craggy Island couldn't make this one up.

bert3400 · 15/07/2025 21:10

Pleatherandlace · 15/07/2025 14:30

Never leave your child alone with this lunatic

And a priest

Biskieboo · 15/07/2025 21:11

Biskieboo · 15/07/2025 21:05

It's another vote for 'nip this nonsense in the bud now or else prepare for much more religious batshittery in future' from me. The whole thing stinks.

...and I now see that you have done exactly this, hats off to you OP.

657904I · 15/07/2025 21:13

This reply has been deleted

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godmum56 · 15/07/2025 21:14

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 15/07/2025 21:02

OP said that she was raised loosely CoE, and in my experience, you can be loosely CoE without a fuss - as displayed by the MIL here! Our CoE vicar was wonderful at telling moralistic stories for school without even really mentioning Jesus at all.

There are a lot of Catholic rites and traditions that you would be very disrespectful to fake, and to CoE, can feel very overblown (I was actually taken to Catholic and CoE churches as my Catholic grandparents "insisted" on the former).

But all this is by the by. Because even if the OP absolutely did intend it as a fuck you to her MIL, the MIL would still be batshit to try to do what she did.

Show quote history

Yes, from my experience of various people's religious beliefs, its easier to be "loosely Anglican" than it is to be "loosely Roman Catholic" You get non practicing Catholics of course.

Phoebesparrow · 15/07/2025 21:14

Oh god,my mother tried to pull something similar years ago
I'm not religious at all
Neither are my parents but when they had me,my mother really wanted to get me christened (more of a chance yo have a party,piss up and all eyes on her rather than gor the right reasons of religion)
My father point blank refused as he hates religion and 'I'm not paying for a piss up for people I hate and she can choose for herself once she's old enough'
Rinse and repeat for my siblings
Roll on to me having my pfb and she started making noises about 'getting her done' to which I point blank refused
Sooooo,she went behind my back,booked the church,bought a gown and started telling all her mates that they where invited (including her bestie who's grandchildren all got christened and bestie was the driving force behind it all)
I got wind of this and hit the roof-no way did I want dd anywhere near a church and she wasn't getting near an alter
All I got back was 'but it's my day not yours!'
I made her cancel the lot and to save face,she started a smear campaign,telling everyone that I'd refused because she refused to pay for it (utter bollocks)
It wasn't the first and not the last of her overstepping and I wish i'd told her to fuck off

'Your welcome to come as well' I'd be telling her I'm never leaving my baby with her again

(Ds and his wife have just had my first grandchild and she started up again but was told to sit down and shut up,they didnt want her to be christened, so thats put her snout out of joint and shes seething)

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