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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

978 replies

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 14:25

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

OP posts:
RedRock41 · 15/07/2025 19:30

Let’s hope God is more forgiving than your MIL! Seriously OP - you did the right thing… definitely not ok. It crosses a line and undermined you both as parents. Need to present a united front herein. Go Father Liam! 👏

Franpie · 15/07/2025 19:31

Similar thing happened with me. I’m not catholic, DH is but not practising.

It really stressed out my FIL and FIL’s mother that my DD was not baptised catholic. FIL’s mother was very devout and she was genuinely upset.

I allowed the catholic baptism to go ahead as it was so important to them. They also were not keen on our non-biblical name choice. That’s where I drew the line. To be honest they were just grateful I agreed to the baptism so let the name slide.

Now, many years later, great granny is long dead and FIL has dementia. It didn’t and doesn’t make a difference to our lives that DD was baptised catholic all those years ago, but it made 2 people very happy at the time.

ArchieStar · 15/07/2025 19:33

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 18:43

Quick update:

I’ve just spoken to Father Liam.

He was polite but clearly caught off guard. He had been told there was going to be “a private family blessing,” but he hadn’t been given many details — certainly not that the child had already been baptised in the Church of England. He also hadn’t been told that we, the parents, weren’t aware or involved. When I explained the full situation — that MIL had arranged this unilaterally, that our daughter already had a baptism, and that we absolutely don’t consent to anything — he became very firm.

He assured me no blessing or ceremony will be taking place.

He said (his words): “It would be entirely inappropriate to proceed with any religious rite concerning a child without parental consent, especially when the child has already received Christian baptism. I will be speaking to [MIL] myself.”

So that’s that, thank God (and I mean that without irony).

I’ve told DH. He’s relieved it’s been shut down officially and will be calling MIL tonight to make it clear that this kind of thing will never happen again. If she wants a relationship with DD, it’ll be on our terms — not through secret services and fantasy name changes.

Thanks again for all the comments and righteous fury. You’ve helped me see this clearly for what it is, and honestly? I feel like I’ve dodged a long, exhausting future of this kind of behaviour by nipping it here.

Will keep you updated if MIL kicks off — I strongly suspect the martyr act is incoming…

Father Liam, if you ever read this… thank you for having an ounce of common sense!

Holdonforsummer · 15/07/2025 19:33

wow, I think this would destroy my MIL relationship forever…..

Newgirls · 15/07/2025 19:34

Well done OP and ops husband. You’re going to be a great team x

TheMeasure · 15/07/2025 19:35

"Was it a secret F you to your MIL?"
Even it it was, that is entirely the OP's (and her dh's) prerogative. Their baby, their choice. It changes nothing about this scenario.

Labyrinthian · 15/07/2025 19:35

As someone with very Catholic parents I can say my dad was so anxious for many years about his grandchildren who were not baptised in the church. It kept him up at night as he was afraid when he died and they died they wouldn't be in heaven with him. He begged for them to be christened in the church and my sister eventually gave in, although she doesn't believe - but it was for him. And as an old man it brought him a real peace. He's on his death bed now and I'm glad he has the peace. It may be the she feels the same even though it sounds bonkers

Gemmawemma9 · 15/07/2025 19:35

She sounds nuts. You’re right, it’s a power play and about control. Let her away with this and it’s giving her free reign to steamroller all over you.
Well done for dealing with it head on, and good luck with MIL!

Labyrinthian · 15/07/2025 19:36

Sorry. Posted before your update

getsomehelp · 15/07/2025 19:38

This needed stopping, but she is going to go mad. In her view, you will have humiliated her, reporting to the priest.
Honestly your H could have put an end to this by simply sayng
“This stops now, DC will not be present, her name is not up for discussion.
If you keep interfering we will talk to the priest”

CRCGran · 15/07/2025 19:39

NO !!! NOPE!!! NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES !!! You can't seriously be going to allow this??? This is more than crossing a boundary, and if you don't want years and years of this you have to put a stop to it now. Your husband is just wimping out of dealing with her craziness by saying it's daft but harmless. He needs to step up and support you in telling her it's not happening. I'm reeling at her audacity!!! And astounded that any grandparent would actually think this is acceptable.

Newgirls · 15/07/2025 19:39

And kindly your mil needs to get a hobby (and some therapy…) - she sounds like she was desperate for fuss and attention in her community but this wasn’t the answer.

Takeoutyourhen · 15/07/2025 19:41

Well done Father Liam!
looking forward to an update on how MIL took the news!

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 15/07/2025 19:42

Well done Father Liam, hopefully your Mil will
listen to him.

CustardySergeant · 15/07/2025 19:42

CRCGran · 15/07/2025 19:39

NO !!! NOPE!!! NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES !!! You can't seriously be going to allow this??? This is more than crossing a boundary, and if you don't want years and years of this you have to put a stop to it now. Your husband is just wimping out of dealing with her craziness by saying it's daft but harmless. He needs to step up and support you in telling her it's not happening. I'm reeling at her audacity!!! And astounded that any grandparent would actually think this is acceptable.

You need to RTFT.

yoshiblue · 15/07/2025 19:43

She sounds mentally ill! I’m Catholic and this is unhinged behaviour at best! No no no! 😂

Ladymeade · 15/07/2025 19:44

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 14:25

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

I'm a Catholic but to me this is batshit crazy and out of order..

Topseyt123 · 15/07/2025 19:44

CRCGran · 15/07/2025 19:39

NO !!! NOPE!!! NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES !!! You can't seriously be going to allow this??? This is more than crossing a boundary, and if you don't want years and years of this you have to put a stop to it now. Your husband is just wimping out of dealing with her craziness by saying it's daft but harmless. He needs to step up and support you in telling her it's not happening. I'm reeling at her audacity!!! And astounded that any grandparent would actually think this is acceptable.

Read the OP's posts. Not just the first one.

elliejjtiny · 15/07/2025 19:45

Well done to you and Father Liam. Any religious ceremony is for the parents to decide and organise, not the grandparents. I have to remind my inlaws about that sometimes.

Wiltingasparagusfern · 15/07/2025 19:46

Oh my god she’s like a bigamist but for christenings.

I suspect she will hit the roof due to the embarrassment of the priest finding out but it’s her own fault. She basically lied to him as well as to you.

PansyPotter84 · 15/07/2025 19:46

I know a bit about this as one wing of my family is Catholic.

This nutter obviously doesn’t know anything about her own religion.

Back in the 60s there was a big review of Catholic teaching (Vatican 2) that ditched a lot of the hellfire stuff as not being correct.

It also recognised that Protestants, Jews and even Muslims are part of God’s plan for salvation. Seriously!

Some Catholics (like MIL it seems) didn’t get the memo…

Strictlymad · 15/07/2025 19:46

Awaiting update!!

Flyswats · 15/07/2025 19:47

CreosoteGirl · 15/07/2025 16:33

I do wish people with no understanding of what the Catholic Church teaches would stop posting misleading information like this. Did you not know that Catholics can marry non-Catholics? A Catholic wishing to marry an Anglican inside an Anglican church would need a dispensation, the marriage would be valid!

I am a Catholic. I have priests in my family. I know who I can marry and who I cannot. I didn't marry in a Catholic ceremony and so my family doesn't recognize my union as sacred.

Get over yourself.

HurryOnSundown · 15/07/2025 19:51

I take back my suspicions about Father Liam. Double time in confession for MIL.

Ilikemymenlikeilikemycoffee · 15/07/2025 19:51

Definitely don’t allow this! It’s your child!

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