To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

This. Who does your MIL think she is? She wouldn't be seeing baby at all if that was me, and I say that as a practicing Christian myself. Your baby has already been baptized. If you let her get away with this, she will be forever pushing boundaries.

Quick update:

I’ve just spoken to Father Liam.

He was polite but clearly caught off guard. He had been told there was going to be “a private family blessing,” but he hadn’t been given many details — certainly not that the child had already been baptised in the Church of England. He also hadn’t been told that we, the parents, weren’t aware or involved. When I explained the full situation — that MIL had arranged this unilaterally, that our daughter already had a baptism, and that we absolutely don’t consent to anything — he became very firm.

He assured me no blessing or ceremony will be taking place.

He said (his words): “It would be entirely inappropriate to proceed with any religious rite concerning a child without parental consent, especially when the child has already received Christian baptism. I will be speaking to [MIL] myself.”

So that’s that, thank God (and I mean that without irony).

I’ve told DH. He’s relieved it’s been shut down officially and will be calling MIL tonight to make it clear that this kind of thing will never happen again. If she wants a relationship with DD, it’ll be on our terms — not through secret services and fantasy name changes.

Thanks again for all the comments and righteous fury. You’ve helped me see this clearly for what it is, and honestly? I feel like I’ve dodged a long, exhausting future of this kind of behaviour by nipping it here.

Will keep you updated if MIL kicks off — I strongly suspect the martyr act is incoming…

MIL, is that you?

Amazing update, OP. Oh to be a fly on the wall when MIL gets that call from Fr Liam!

“Martyr act incoming” 😅😂🤣

Same - I want the full transcript of her religious telling off!

Good to hear that Father Liam is a reasonable type. Good luck to your DH when he tells her. I recon she’s either going to throw a massive tantrum about how upsetting it is for her and how badly you’ve mistreated her, or downplay the whole thing and say you’re causing a ridiculous fuss over something so minor. Or, if she’s especially dramatic, swing between the two. Whatever happens, you haven’t heard the last of this I’m sure.

This happened to my dad 70+ years ago when he was a baby! He was formally christened in one denomination and then his other grandma had him baptised when she was babysitting (it was just her, my dad and the priest). It didn't cause a stir as that was as far as it went, she was apparently petrified that he wouldn't get to heaven.

You not only nipped the situation in the bud, you have shown MIL you are a force to be reckoned with!
She will be raging once the priest has had a word!🤣 I bet she says you have disgraced the family name and she is too humiliated to go back to church. She may even miss a week or two to really martyr herself.

Oh man. I am late to this thread but your MIL is going to be furious you dobbed her into father Liam!!

But you did the right thing. My gran was very religious but most of my generation are not. I know she was very unhappy that some of us had babies out of wedlock and that none of them were baptised or given saints’ names. As was her sister who was a nun! But neither of them would ever have tried to do something like this because it’s totally inappropriate and actually quite unhinged.

……we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really.

If it’s a christening in a church with a vicar it’s not ‘just’ a naming and welcoming.

You can’t say it’s not ‘mega’ religious. It is a proper Christening and it is religious. We did the same with our DC at the church DH & I were Christened. We aren’t religious either but it was definitely a religious ceremony, exactly the same service as it would be in the same church for those who are very religious.

MIL can’t override it. I doubt her priest will know DD has already been officially Christened and won’t be impressed with MiL sneakiness. Not v religious of her.

Stick to your guns OP 😊

You need to show this woman where her box is, and to get the fuck into it.

You're welcome to come? She expects to go off with your newborn without asking your consent but you're 'welcome to come'. Even if the event wasn't bonkers - which it is - this would be enough to warrant a no from me.

Well done OP!

Well done. I sort of guessed that Father Liam would not have been fully in the picture, and so it has proved to be. Your MIL was trying to pull a fast one here and it needed nipping in the bud, which you have done.

I doubt that this will be the last you will hear of it from MIL as she is about to find the rug has been pulled from under her. As you say, the martyr act is probably coming so she is likely to kick off with that. Whatever she does, take no notice. Stick to your guns.

I hope your DH reminds his mother firmly that this is your child, not hers and that neither of you consider her the family matriarch. He should also say that MIL is to use the name you have both chosen for DD, not do her own thing and use the middle name.

If she rings up raging, I would tell her she needs to atone for her sins and better go to confession for overstepping her boundaries and trying to disgrace the good name of her church 🤣

Well done Op and fair dues to Father Liam for cancelling. Your MIL is going to go atomic but it shows you're not going to let her have it all her own way

Batten down the hatches for incoming narcissistic rage / tears / manipulation. You will have 'shown her up' to her priest. Ignore it all.

Fuck, no!

Brilliant. Well done you !

Or tell her Father Liam is blessing extra holy water for her exorcism, as only a person who was possessed by the devil, would try to trick a priest 🤣

Great result OP. Following for updates 👀

I’m so glad you’ve got this sorted, @Bobcomp. It does sound as if MIL wasn’t completely honest with Fr Liam, and I suspect this is going to come back and bite her.

An excellent outcome, @Bobcomp, though sadly it shows MIL to have been utterly deceitful in pursuit of what she wants

Especially good that Liam was firm about there being no ceremony, blessing or whatever now, and even better that he's going to speak with MIL himself

I'm sure he'll be suitably tactful but expect he'll have to say something about not having been aware you weren't involved or agreeable, and I only hope she's capable of taking the consequences of what she's done calmly

Well God Bless Fr Liam....Your Mil just got FAFO'd!