To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

Point out to her that hubris/pride is one of the Deadly Sins! She needs to pipe down and stay in her own lane.

DC is already baptised. You can’t do
it twice, it’s a sin.

‘Nanny’s a wicked old heretic, children.

’Stay away from Godless Gran.’

Tell Father Liam.

The 1950s called and wants it's Catholic mother's back!
I know a lot of Catholic mothers and they are nothing like this!

I think Your MIL wants to get your DD into a Catholic Primary and will need a Roman Catholic Baptism Certificate to enrol.

"I don’t think MIL sees this as a full baptism — more like a blessing or dedication. But she is calling it a “proper” one and acting like ours doesn’t count ... at DD’s christening and [she] smiled her way through it. If she thought it was all for show, why bother?"

Your MIL is being extremely disengenious here. She's attended a full Church of England Christening, complete with Godparents of your choice, which makes your DD a member of the Cof E church, able to apply to a CoE school.

I think MIL is calling her RC ceremony a "proper" one - because that's what she's intending, a proper RC Baptism. But she's describing it to you as "more like a blessing" because she's hoping you won't catch on until the ceremony is underway. She smiled her way through your Cof E Christening because she had already plans to do this. You might have even found some Catholic Godparents primed and ready to stand up.

Speak to the Vicar who christened your DD before you speak to Fr Liam so you can get the actual facts on what each of these ceremonies mean, as there's lots of disinformation on this thread including confusing RC Baptism and Cof E Christening

I really doubt that Father Liam has any idea that your DD has already been Christened a member of the CoE church, as MIL's probably described the original ceremony as "more like a blessing" to him too. So it's probably not his fault and is not something he'd want to be in the middle of.

The clerical community is not that big and have lots of ecumenical ties, and they may well know of each other. MIL might have thought to persuade you into having the RC baptism, because the family (MIL) expects it.. but having spoken to both your Vicar and Fr Liam you will be well briefed to say no to this.

Father Liam will be able to confirm if MIL did in fact book an RC Baptism or just a blessing. I think its really important to establish that before having any kind of disagreement over it.
If it really is just a blessing, then you can relax a bit and just insist that you are not changing the child's name. There won't be any need to fall out over it, it will just be a rather nice blessing of your child, and you will have been well warned in advance to stick to your boundaries with MIL. But make sure you know the facts before you lay down the law with MIL and all his family or you could be starting something, which if you were more tactical, could just be quietly managed instead.

BTW... as your DH comes from a very religious family, Did you marry in Church?... CofE or R Catholic? Its surprising that MIL didn't say anything when you first mentioned a Christening.

Your DH was brought up by a staunch Catholic mother, so he must have some knowledge about these things drummed into him.

And you must come back to tell us how mil reacted to your rebellious nature

That's a possibility, yes.

It'll be interesting to hear what Father Liam says during the planned phonecall. I suspect it might be very enlightening!

Over riding your religious choice AND your chosen name? NO. And just organising it, and saying “oh no biggie”? NO. Utter BS on her part.

This is one of the most mental things I've read on here. What the hell.

DH says I should just ignore it and it’ll blow over, but I’m starting to feel like if I don’t say something it’ll turn into a thing where she starts calling her by her “church name” and pretending that’s official.

There's no way I'd ignore it, and I'd make no excuses either...the only answer your MIL needs to hear is DD has already been christened, there were no mistakes, it was proper....it wasn't a dress rehearsal.

Have a word with the Father and explain that it's being cancelled.

Put a stop to it yourself, don't rely on your DH too, he's already shown what he thinks, no help there, he's going for that "anything for a quiet life"..but for you it'll possibly be the start of anything but a quiet life.
What will be her next move if you let this slide.

Additional point: instead of saying she was christened (the name your little girl) make it very clear that she was baptised (the name of your little girl)

If your MiL likes to think a CofE ‘Christening’ is not really a baptism make it very clear to her in the language you use that it most defiantly was a baptism. I can assure you that your baby’s baptism and name given will be listed in the churches baptism book and not just on a certificate.

Tell her you’ve changed the middle name to Lucifer 👍🏻

if she arranged any kind of religious observance for the baby without the parents' permission, I'd be laying down the law now. I think you may be right about Fr Liam getting caught in the middle and being lied to.

Being brought up catholic it is all a load of twiddle and I just wouldn’t care… I’d let my MIL do it. It means nothing to me, and it won’t mean anything to the baby who isn’t old enough to understand….but that’s because I am familiar with Catholicism and I personally know it’s just a load of rubbish.

when we got married abroad I let my MIL’s happy clappy pastor make a speech. I am totally against happy clappy religion. He said something that made me giggle so I whispered a joke to my husband, the people sitting closest to me and my husband heard the joke I made and couldn’t stop laughing. It wasn’t even that funny - it was just the backdrop against this idiot pastor who thought he was god.

i had a laugh and everybody remembers my joke, not my MIL. She was happy on the day.

have you not RTFT, he has already rediscovered his backbone!

nope, doing it behind the parents' back is the first toe over the line.

So your DH thinks it’s daft but harmless?!!! It’s absolutely bonkers, yes, but harmless? NO!!
MIL has massively overstepped a boundary here, and if you don’t nip this in the bud at this point, who knows what she might try next

Glad all the posts have reassured you that your MiL is clearly barking.
In particular, glad that your dh has now understood this isn't "just harmless" but is actually quite disturbing.

I await the update after your conversation with Father Liam, and then your conversation with your MiL.

The saints name thing went out in the flood! Priests in Ireland only care now about getting a child baptised not what they’re named.

Batshit.
Unbelievable of the priest too.
Her lack of judgement and need to control would mean I would be seeing very little of her.
Not at all if she persists in using the wrong name.

Sorry, just read DH is reading from the same page as you now. Good!

Thing is @DuckbilledSplatterPuff that the Ops MIL may well be a 1950's Mum and still hold to the old ways of the church. Just about everyone I know whose been raised a Catholic still went to a Catholic primary school even if now they only go to Mass twice a year

To be honest if the priest thought this was all OK and didn't bother to get in touch with you I'd be seriously thinking of talking to his bishop.

Are you there Father Liam? It’s me, MIL.

Shamelessly placemarking to hear what the priest has to say. And after that, Crazy MIL.

Good...
Hopefully the backbone stays once his DM finds out.

Devils advocate here but you may just have to laugh & let her get on with it. It won't mean anything to you/him & if he gets anything out of it (?) it'll only be a good thing later on I suppose

I got the impression they didn’t do that - as OP said, it was more of a welcoming and a naming ceremony.