To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

@Bobcomp- you’ve made a good choice. Only thing to add, is you must make an effort to correct MIL using the middle name every time, don’t do full name when she does either, just first name. (So if dd is Grace Mary jones, and MIL calls her Mary, don’t say “it’s Grace Mary” but say “it’s Grace, not Mary” every time.)

Shes clearly decided she gets to make some decisions about your child and it’s worth correcting that before DD is old enough to realise what’s going on.

I was thinking the same.

The first bit here is actually inaccurate.

The Catholic Church nowadays recognizes baptism/christening in other churches as valid.

bear in mind that she will go fucking NUCLEAR when she realises that you have "told on her" to the priest. Having her perfect image ruined in his his eyes will be by far the worst thing to her

I'm sure OP has the sense to keep things pleasant but to the point with the priest, @PyongyangKipperbang, but all the same you could well be right

And while that would be a shame for MIL, it would be the result of her own actions which she might do well to reflect on even though she'll probably just act the victim

The priest won’t baptise a baby on a grandparents say so. And parents have to do a preparation course before it’s done anyway. Priests aren’t stupid.

The church may well do that, but some catholics dont.

My ex MIL believes that her non catholic baptised grandchildren are not actually baptised and should be baptised again in her church for it to count. I dont actually know what she thinks about DD who isnt baptised at all as she at least had enough sense not to say anything to me about it. But I can guess....!

Baptism is the only sacrament recognised by all denominations. So he won’t re do it. As it’s valid in any church.

Well, obviously a Catholic priest has agreed to do this!

His boundaries sound as shaky as the MIL's.

Yep. This is where I’d lose my shit. ‘You’re welcome to come’… well yes, it’s my fucking child.

Did she actually want your daughter to attend the service or is it literally a blessing he would read out but your daughters/ your attendance isnt required?

I am certain that the OP will, and that the priest if he is half decent will play it down so MIL isnt embarrassed, perhaps writing it off as a misunderstanding. But the MIL knowing that the he knows what she did was behind the parents back and perhaps that she lied to him directly will be what gets to her. I hope she doesnt go (more) batshit, but its best to be prepared for that just in case.

ETA I would imagine that it would be something along the lines of her never being able to show her face in that church again and it all being the OP's fault. If she is anything like a person in my family who is a bit like this, there will no accountability whatsoever for her own actions.

And?

What's she going to do?

Shout at you? Try and bully you?

It demonstrates the point that shes got a problem not you.

Bloody peculiar and doubly so as you say you and your husband are not religious. Tell her not a chance.

That would be a hard “thanks, but no thanks” from me. I’d make sure to go out somewhere for the day.

If that is what this priest thinks, he is out of step with the Catholic Church. His own employer. Which nowadays recognizes baptism/christening in other churches.

Or stay in, not answer the door, and mute MIL. She’ll get the message.

Not in a gazillion years

Well no, obviously there is another possibility here which is that the entirely unverified story MIL has told OP is bollocks.

Hope speaking to the Priest goes smoothly. And I assume there will be a lot of fall out from MIL so good luck with that.

Oh I’m outraged on your behalf. What a sanctimonious, self-righteous cow your mother in law is.

Very glad your OH developed a backbone and is standing up for you. If this isn’t stopped now, MIL is going to keep pushing for things and think she will get away with it.

Invested in what Father Liam says!

Its a Dee Dee v. DD situation

I had a very poorly baby, 30 years ago. As a Catholic, I Baptised him myself as I wanted it done . An hour later the Anglican hospital Chaplin popped in to provide spiritual comfort. He said the Catholic Chaplin was unavailable and would I want my baby baptised. I gladly accepted. The next day the Catholic priest came and Blessed him and gave him The Last Rights. Both Chaplins were lovely and a great comfort to us. My son had his official Christening in the my local Catholic Church and party 9 months later.

Your MIL is wrong!

Please inform her priest of your DD full name, that she has already been Christened. You vould email him a copy of her Christening Certificate. Give your MIL a copy too!

How old is your MIL? Where is she from?
Has she never heard of Churchs Together?

I would be very busy on the day of her unnecessary service.
It is very bizarre behaviour on her part.
Not sure I would want her babysitting your DD.

As an aside my MIL wasn't amused that it was in a Catholic Church. She wanted a CofE service but she didn't even go to Church!

I’m baptised C of E, my DD was baptised C of E and we used to attend an Anglo-Catholic church. She’s engaged to a Jewish man. If they have children, I won’t be interfering.

Lunacy. Tell her nobody is coming because it's not happening, end of discussion.

You and DH need to hold firm boundaries here, she cannot interfere in decisions regarding your DD unless you specifically ask for her involvement. I would be staying as far away from her as possible, personally.

Just had a though - I don't know about the Catholic Church in the UK but in Poland one can usually give some donation in exchange of the mass being offered for somebody's health/in memory of somebody/for newly weds' happiness etc. Normally the 'intention' of the mass is announced at the beginning of the mass and then there is another mention during one of the customary prayers. That person or people do not have to attend at all.

Is there any chance this is something like this rather than a separate ceremony?