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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

978 replies

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 14:25

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

OP posts:
IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 15/07/2025 16:49

That would be a hard NO from me.
How dare she take it upon herself to arrange something when you've already had a naming ceremony.

And to add insult to injury she doesn't want to use your child's name!!!

I'd be going out that day.
Very early
All day

And if shes embarrassed its her own fault for being so disrespectful.

OfficerChurlish · 15/07/2025 16:51

This would be questionable even if both parents enthusiastically wanted it; the child has already been christened and any further baptism should only happen if and when SHE decides, which won't be possible for several years. In this case, since one parent is against it and the other isn't taking it seriously, it can't happen. MIL had her chance to arrange naming and baptisms as she wished (along with her children's other parent) for her own children. This isn't her choice to make so say a firm no. Maybe even let the church know that the parents don't approve this, if you think she might try to do it in secret.

BotterMon · 15/07/2025 16:52

She's nucking futs. How can a child be baptised into two different religions?
I am also a bit confused as why you baptised your child in a church if you're not religious? Quite hypocritical of you.

Catwalking · 15/07/2025 16:52

In R. Dawkins book “the god delusion”; he recounts a true story about Edgardo Mortara, a Jewish boy in Italy secretly baptized by his Catholic nanny, later kidnapped by the Vatican.
Personally I’d have a frank discussion with the person MIL has arranged this whole absurd ceremony with…..& tell him it’s absolutely NOT going to happen.
As for MIL saying you can attend if you like??? Are you saying MIL is allowed to just walk off with some1 else’s baby? I’m honestly horrified.

SparklyPinkHairband · 15/07/2025 16:52

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 14:25

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

@Bobcomp do you even attend this church? I would not bother calling Father Liam. That's for MIL to sort out. I would simply not go. Refuse to take part in this charade. So what if MIL is embarrassed and has to roll back the whole thing. It's a gross overreach and so insulting to you, DD and DH. Don't show up. Don't get involved.

Daleksatemyshed · 15/07/2025 16:52

Toddlerteaplease · 15/07/2025 16:39

I’m catholic and I’m very surprised the priest has agreed to this without speaking to you. And once the baby has been baptised it’s not really the done thing anyway. It’s a bit odd.

I have a feeling the MIL has totally downplayed the original Christening service, she's portrayed it as a secular/non religious naming ceremony so that the priest feels free to do a proper Catholic baptism.
Op, I'm glad your DH has seen your point of view because this won't be the end of it with MIL, she'll want to take your DD to mass and for her to go to the local Catholic primary school,if you don't want this you're going to have to be clear from the start. It's not wrong for her as a Catholic to want this for your DD but it is wrong for her to go behind your back

MascaraGirl · 15/07/2025 16:53

tripleginandtonic · 15/07/2025 15:24

If the other parent agrees where's the harm?

Seriously??

hettie · 15/07/2025 16:53

Fascinated to hear what Father Liam will make of all of this.
Oddly we were asking DH (daughter doing RE GCSE) at the weekend whether he could ever be uncatholic.... Apparently he can't (well not easily) as he was baptised into the Catholic church and the church considers this "an indelible mark on his soul". He can not easily renounce it, he can not practice and ask for his baptism to be removed from the churches records, but the Catholic church doesn't love renunciation and makes it tricky...

So she's pulled a fast one .....

honeyrider · 15/07/2025 16:53

yikesnotagain · 15/07/2025 16:33

Hooooooooo boy are you gonna have problems in the future if you don't nip this ludicrous shit in the bud now.

Agree with this, this is only the start of it. OP you really need to stand firm on this and so does your DH because this won't be the only time she tries to interfere and destroy boundries.

I'd also be telling her unless she starts calling your baby by her correct name you will limit contact with her.

Cakeandusername · 15/07/2025 16:54

That’s the other angle to take if you speak to Father. Could he keep an eye on MIL as you are worried about her as she was at ‘Jane’s’ christening at St John’s church. She keeps muddling her names up calling her ‘Mary’ and now this when she’s already christened.

TryingToStayAwake88 · 15/07/2025 16:54

Just to add that a Catholic Priest may not view an Anglican Christian as real so depending on where the priest comes from theologically, he may think your daughter hasn't been baptised and does need to be done properly. Your MiL may feel the same

TaborlinTheGreat · 15/07/2025 16:55

How dare she even suggest such a thing?! 'More suitable for a Christian child' Hmm. What an arrogant woman. Obviously stamp put your foot down.

5128gap · 15/07/2025 16:55

I'd allow the priest to bless my baby. I'm not religious but it's a harmless benign thing to do. I'd not allow a different name to be used or for there to be any sort of celebration afterwards that made it seem like a second christening. If MiL is sincere and it really is about God protecting your baby she should be happy with that.

spoonbillstretford · 15/07/2025 16:56

Pigletsstripeyjumper · 15/07/2025 14:30

Call the priest and tell him your baby’s name is X, and while you’re happy to have him blessed in MIL’s church in addition to the christening that has already taken place, you want him to use his actual name (all names?) and not just his middle name.

You don’t have to consent to this if it makes you feel uneasy. It’s not MIL’s choice. You’re already humouring her by allowing the blessing. If the name issue makes you uncomfortable, go over her head and express that to the priest. She went over your head to organize the whole thing in the first place!

This seems quite a balanced response.

Though "No thanks" is also a good response.

Our DDs are not Christened as I thought it was better if they make their own minds up about religion when they are old enough. MIL is Roman Catholic and had no say in this at all.

Topseyt123 · 15/07/2025 16:56

Wow! Your MIL is a nutter. I'm glad you are refusing to stand for this bullshit because otherwise this wouldn't be the end of it.

It isn't harmless at all. Next MIL will be wanting to muscle in on what Catholic school your child goes to.

I would be telling MIL and Father Liam that:

A) parental consent for this has not been sought, will not be given anyway and my child and I will not be attending the service.

B) My child's name is the name my husband and I have given her, not the one MIL wants to use. Our child will not be encouraged to respond to the name MIL wants to use even if it is her middle name.

C) If MIL wishes to see her grandchild regularly then she will have to respect your wishes here, not do this ridiculous naming ceremony at her church. She must use the name you have chosen for your child. The correct name. If you find her not doing this then she will be severely reprimanded and may well not see your child again for a long time.

She isn't being harmless and needs taking down a peg or two. She already named her own children, she doesn't get to name yours too. She needs to learn her place here.

Mischance · 15/07/2025 16:56

Ring the priest and te4ll him you knew nothing about this and what your child's name really is.

I am glad this woman is not my MIL!!! - good luck!

RantzNotBantz · 15/07/2025 16:57

This is what I would be saying:

"MIL - There seems to be some sort of misunderstanding here, so just to make things clear - our baby will not be going anywhere without us. We will not be bringing our baby to a ceremony that we have not organised or agreed, and our baby's name is XYZ. Baby has already been christened as you know, and we have not greed any Catholic ceremony at this time. Would you like me to let Father Liam know that this is not needed on Sunday and there has been a misunderstanding , or would you rather tell him yourself? '

upandleftthenright · 15/07/2025 16:58

Agree with others. Will add this. You hold all the power here so deal with it quietly and firmly. No need for raised voices or a falling out. Just say no, draw a line under it and move on. Don’t throw attention her way or demean yourself

NimbleDreamer · 15/07/2025 16:59

TryingToStayAwake88 · 15/07/2025 16:54

Just to add that a Catholic Priest may not view an Anglican Christian as real so depending on where the priest comes from theologically, he may think your daughter hasn't been baptised and does need to be done properly. Your MiL may feel the same

You've already posted this once and it was incorrect the first time.

RunningBlueFox · 15/07/2025 17:00

Intrigued why you had a CofE christening when you claim not to be religious and your DH is a non-practicing Catholic? I'm an atheist (not christened) married to an NPC. My MIL is very Catholic (church every day). Our kids aren't christened and we didn't get married in church - my MIL was vaguely disappointed as it wasn't what she ever imagined but she got over it. You just say no they will not be being blessed or whatever it is she's dreamt up with Father Liam.

Butterflyarms · 15/07/2025 17:03

It isn't a valid baptism if it doesn't have your support, so there would be no point to a second one without your consent. And for the Catholic church, a baptism is a baptism, even if it was by a COE minister, so the original baptism is fine. Sometimes Catholic priests will do another one if there is doubt as to whether the first was performed correctly - but that's a conversation for you to have with the priest.

TheBookShelf · 15/07/2025 17:04

This is so odd that I wonder what story MIL has told the priest, She may have misrepresented the situation to him. I don't know of any priest, whether C of E or Catholic, that would agree to conduct either a baptism, blessing, or service of Thanksgiving for the birth of a child, without consent and input from the parents (or legal guardians, if they are not the parents). It is possible the priest has been given a different story by MIL and is acting in good faith. I'd speak directly to the priest and explain that you've not been consulted and that you don't consent.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 15/07/2025 17:04

@Bobcomp Please come back and let us know how the conversation goes! make sure there are tissues at hand because I am sure she will be guilting you with her tears!

Topseyt123 · 15/07/2025 17:05

RantzNotBantz · 15/07/2025 16:57

This is what I would be saying:

"MIL - There seems to be some sort of misunderstanding here, so just to make things clear - our baby will not be going anywhere without us. We will not be bringing our baby to a ceremony that we have not organised or agreed, and our baby's name is XYZ. Baby has already been christened as you know, and we have not greed any Catholic ceremony at this time. Would you like me to let Father Liam know that this is not needed on Sunday and there has been a misunderstanding , or would you rather tell him yourself? '

Great response. I'd use this.

MrsAmaretto · 15/07/2025 17:07

CreosoteGirl · 15/07/2025 16:01

The Catholic Church recognises the validity of a baptism in another christian denomination, provided the Trinitarian formula is used. Any Catholic priest who suggests an alternative Baptism is simply wrong. I would speak to the Fr Liam myself and establish what your MIL has asked him to do.

Absolutely and if this priest is thinking it’s okay for him to baptise the baby I’d be contacting the Bishop. It’s not acceptable.