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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to help neighbour?

149 replies

twistweer · 15/07/2025 00:25

Basically my neighbour has gone back to work after being on maternity leave and has asked if I could help with the following:

Collect her bins on bin day every week.
Water her plants when I water mine (at least daily).

My neighbour is a single mum and only has her mum and step dad to help who live about 15 minutes away.

I have two young children aged between 1.5 and 4.

I find this neighbour quite nosey and intrusive and I don’t really like talking to her as she asks such personal questions and she talks about other neighbours so now I just say hello and shut down and attempts at a conversation.

Whilst I was watering my plants with my watering can as I haven’t got a garden tap at the front is when she must of seen me on her Ringdoor and asked me.

I don’t really want to be expected to collect her bin every week and water her plants every day.

To be honest she started collecting my bin and we alternate in bin collecting the bins at the minute but I would prefer just to collect my own bin as otherwise when she see’s me she will just use it as an excuse to start talking about neighbours etc.

I fill my watering can about 5 times to water all my plants and I don’t want to be wasting my water and time on a neighbour I don’t even really like.

AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 15/07/2025 00:28

Just say no. If i was bringing my bin up and my neighbours bin was there I'd bring theirs up too and vice versa, but neither of us expect it of the other. There's no reason why she can't water her own plants.

Ladybyrd · 15/07/2025 01:32

@twistweer Your neighbour is a CF - make no mistake about it. I’d bet my hat that if you say yes, the next step will be childcare. Don’t have time to water the plants? Don’t grow them then! I would dress like a Ninja next time you get the bins in and do a judo chop for her Ring and Go.

Monty27 · 15/07/2025 01:43

Just tell her you've just about got enough time to do your own and end the conversation.

Delphiniumandlupins · 15/07/2025 02:20

"Oh I wouldn't want to be responsible for someone else's plants. I can hardly manage to water my own."

Repeat if necessary.

aurynne · 15/07/2025 02:27

"Sorry, that does not work for me".

Repeat as needed.

DreamTheMoors · 15/07/2025 02:30

Say “no, thank you” as if she’s offering you a plate of shite biscuits.

savagedaughter · 15/07/2025 02:31

twistweer · 15/07/2025 00:25

Basically my neighbour has gone back to work after being on maternity leave and has asked if I could help with the following:

Collect her bins on bin day every week.
Water her plants when I water mine (at least daily).

My neighbour is a single mum and only has her mum and step dad to help who live about 15 minutes away.

I have two young children aged between 1.5 and 4.

I find this neighbour quite nosey and intrusive and I don’t really like talking to her as she asks such personal questions and she talks about other neighbours so now I just say hello and shut down and attempts at a conversation.

Whilst I was watering my plants with my watering can as I haven’t got a garden tap at the front is when she must of seen me on her Ringdoor and asked me.

I don’t really want to be expected to collect her bin every week and water her plants every day.

To be honest she started collecting my bin and we alternate in bin collecting the bins at the minute but I would prefer just to collect my own bin as otherwise when she see’s me she will just use it as an excuse to start talking about neighbours etc.

I fill my watering can about 5 times to water all my plants and I don’t want to be wasting my water and time on a neighbour I don’t even really like.

AIBU to say no?

Say no, very definitely say no. She is a CF and this is just the start. You owe her precisely nothing, and you don't need a reason to say no to any neighbour.

Monty27 · 15/07/2025 02:40

As above 'no thank you!'
Chuck in a 'lol' for effect to be clear. Cf.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 15/07/2025 03:13

I would do the bins, it takes no time at all. But not the watering.

nomas · 15/07/2025 03:17

Do not do her bins or watering. She is a cheeky fucker.

Stop collecting her bin.

Diblin93 · 15/07/2025 03:25

Why can’t she do her own bin and water her own plants??? She’s gone back to work not gone to Mars! She’s a CF. She’ll have you child minding and doing her shopping if you don’t watch out. Just laugh and tell her that you can hardly manage to do your own plants. Don’t ever give her an inch.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 15/07/2025 04:01

I'm guessing you are on water meters and she's not wanting to use her own water and pay for it. Definitely say no to plant watering. That's a huge commitment every day!
I think bins are different. You can bring the bin to just inside the property boundary and no further.
You do right to not engage in conversation beyond quick pleasantaries.

HelplessSoul · 15/07/2025 04:49

Tell her to do her domestic activities her fucking self.

Problem solved.

Shes a CF cunt.

Isitreallysohard · 15/07/2025 04:52

twistweer · 15/07/2025 00:25

Basically my neighbour has gone back to work after being on maternity leave and has asked if I could help with the following:

Collect her bins on bin day every week.
Water her plants when I water mine (at least daily).

My neighbour is a single mum and only has her mum and step dad to help who live about 15 minutes away.

I have two young children aged between 1.5 and 4.

I find this neighbour quite nosey and intrusive and I don’t really like talking to her as she asks such personal questions and she talks about other neighbours so now I just say hello and shut down and attempts at a conversation.

Whilst I was watering my plants with my watering can as I haven’t got a garden tap at the front is when she must of seen me on her Ringdoor and asked me.

I don’t really want to be expected to collect her bin every week and water her plants every day.

To be honest she started collecting my bin and we alternate in bin collecting the bins at the minute but I would prefer just to collect my own bin as otherwise when she see’s me she will just use it as an excuse to start talking about neighbours etc.

I fill my watering can about 5 times to water all my plants and I don’t want to be wasting my water and time on a neighbour I don’t even really like.

AIBU to say no?

What? I don't get it. Just say no. I didn't ask my neighbour to do my domestic chores after I had a child. The cheek!

IShouldNotCoco · 15/07/2025 04:52

YANBU. It’s like some people just try to see what things they can manipulate others to do.

whitewineandsun · 15/07/2025 05:03

She's a cheeky fucker. I can't believe she would seriously ask that. It's routine domestic chores.

And I agree with this below. Shut it down before you get there.

She'll have you child minding and doing her shopping if you don’t watch out.

BeanQuisine · 15/07/2025 05:05

Just message her saying: "Sorry, Mumsnet says you're a cheeky fucker and I agree with them" and include a link to this thread.

Richiewoo · 15/07/2025 05:07

Just tell her no

Steelworks · 15/07/2025 05:10

Is It a next door neighbour, or someone down the street?

If next door, then the bin isn’t so bad.

However, , watering the garden is a big no. That takes time, plus money if you're on a meter.

I agree, that this is the start of a thin edge.

ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan · 15/07/2025 05:38

The correct answer is "my hourly rates are £50 an hour".

Saltandpeppersquid · 15/07/2025 05:48

ChocolateCinderToffee · 15/07/2025 03:13

I would do the bins, it takes no time at all. But not the watering.

Absolutely this. The bin thing is acceptable I think, but watering is a real chore and she absolutely should do her own. To even ask you to do this is CF territory and more demands will follow. Put a stop to it now.

Roseblooms · 15/07/2025 05:51

My lovely neighbour always wheels my bin in if they can see I am at work and I do theirs if I am off and get there first - it is nice of them and I am happy to do this. The plants? No that is her responsibility.

Lurkingandlearning · 15/07/2025 05:57

If the bin men leave my neighbour’s bin in the middle of the pavement I wheel it in for them. Say no to the plant watering. If she has the cheek to ask why, just say for the same reason she doesn’t want to do it. Hopefully she will realise that her time isn’t more important than yours.

When asked by people I barely know to carry out tasks for them, I’ve said that they’d probably be better off finding someone less expensive than me. It tends to focus their mind on their expectation of free labour.

SparklyGlitterballs · 15/07/2025 06:09

My neighbour and I sometimes move each others bins to just inside their property line to get them off the pavement after collection, but it ends there. No way I'd be going round and watering her plants and I wouldn't expect her to do mine either. I'd be politely saying no to that.

DonewhatIcando · 15/07/2025 06:25

If they live next door I'd do the bin but no to watering her plants.
My NDN and I take each other's bins in and out, whoever gets there first does it.
When either of us go on holiday we give each other a key and alarm fob to our respective houses for emergencies.
We chat when we see each other but they've never asked me to water their plants and I've never asked them to do mine.
That's definitely a step too far.
I'd just say no to your neighbour for the plants.
Do you go to work too, does she think you've nothing better to do?
You've two little ones, I imagine you have enough to do.
"Sorry, I've enough on trying to find time to water my own plants, you know what it's like with small children, not enough hours in the day"