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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to help neighbour?

149 replies

twistweer · 15/07/2025 00:25

Basically my neighbour has gone back to work after being on maternity leave and has asked if I could help with the following:

Collect her bins on bin day every week.
Water her plants when I water mine (at least daily).

My neighbour is a single mum and only has her mum and step dad to help who live about 15 minutes away.

I have two young children aged between 1.5 and 4.

I find this neighbour quite nosey and intrusive and I don’t really like talking to her as she asks such personal questions and she talks about other neighbours so now I just say hello and shut down and attempts at a conversation.

Whilst I was watering my plants with my watering can as I haven’t got a garden tap at the front is when she must of seen me on her Ringdoor and asked me.

I don’t really want to be expected to collect her bin every week and water her plants every day.

To be honest she started collecting my bin and we alternate in bin collecting the bins at the minute but I would prefer just to collect my own bin as otherwise when she see’s me she will just use it as an excuse to start talking about neighbours etc.

I fill my watering can about 5 times to water all my plants and I don’t want to be wasting my water and time on a neighbour I don’t even really like.

AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
user1476613140 · 15/07/2025 08:07

The woman next door to me doesn't touch her wheelie bins. If a neighbour is kind enough to bring it into her garden, she walks around it to go up her steps and leaves it until her partner gets home from work when he humphs it up the steps. She isn't disabled, carries bags of shopping etc. It's hilarious.

It's a wheely bin not a monster!

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 15/07/2025 08:24

ChocolateCinderToffee · 15/07/2025 03:13

I would do the bins, it takes no time at all. But not the watering.

Same. But that only works if you're able to say no to other "requests". And OP doesn't seem to be...

ThejoyofNC · 15/07/2025 08:28

You need to say no because if you say yes to one request, the flood gates will be opened and she won't stop asking. I bloody hate it when people use the excuse of being a single mother to try and take advantage of others.

cramptramp · 15/07/2025 08:29

Why doesn’t she water her plants after work? Why doesn’t she bring her bins in after work?

echt · 15/07/2025 08:36

FourLove · 15/07/2025 08:07

Bins -you might as well. Plants- look puzzled and say you can’t see why she can’t do it.

No to bins because that means you'll do it forever.

MyDeftDuck · 15/07/2025 08:45

Then just say no, sorry can’t help!
She could do her own watering either before or after work, just seems to be a bit pretentious to be honest………wants the pretty garden but won’t do the upkeep.
As for the bins, propose a rota, you one week her the next, if she issues a week then leave her bin where it is.

4forksache · 15/07/2025 08:45

Do the bins occasionally but not enough to create an expectation and definitely no entering.

chattyness · 15/07/2025 08:50

Just say no, tell her you don't even like having to water your own plants so you're not doing hers as well, she's a CF!

MsJemimaPuddleDuck · 15/07/2025 08:59

Surely she can water her plants before or after work? Just say no sorry i dont have much time myself, most of the time i forget to water my own plants.. i killed one just the other day!

Skissors · 15/07/2025 09:03

Thought you were going to say she was in hospital.

Just say no, you don't want the responsibility of her plants and Bins!

Spha · 15/07/2025 09:06

What a cheeky fucker.

im overrun with the chores and kids already so can’t take on any more

GAJLY · 15/07/2025 09:08

I'd say yes to the bins (I do this for my neighbour). But not to the plants. Just explain that you have to fill up your watering can 5 times. And wouldn't want to do any more watering! If you had a hose it would be different as long as youre not on a water meter. I think that's fair enough. You've said yes to one request, she won't be annoyed. Suggest she waters them at night, that's what we do.

blandana · 15/07/2025 09:10

No to bins and no to watering. These are neighbourly things you would do as a one off or when they go on holiday but not every day chores. We all have enough chores of our own.

Carnation25 · 15/07/2025 09:12

Our neighbour always brought our bins in when I was working full time - meant they didn't wander or get left in the middle of the driveway entrance so I couldn't turn straight in when getting home in the rush hour (live on a busy road). I now return the favour as I am home on bin days and neighbour is getting on a bit. Watering the plants daily - would be a no from me, but don't water my own that often.

Whatareyoutalkingaboutnow · 15/07/2025 09:14

ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan · 15/07/2025 05:38

The correct answer is "my hourly rates are £50 an hour".

Yes. My thoughts exactly.
You are not her staff. (I seem to be saying this a lot lately).
Or, the good old (but still very useful) " what did your last slave die of?" Friendly smile tinkly laugh optional. CF.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/07/2025 09:14

I wouldn't mind doing the bin, bins need to be taken in at a set time and there is no alternative. I wouldn't do the plants, she can water them any time. Or not have plants. Or set up an automatic watering system

Dummydimmer · 15/07/2025 09:20

I had a great relationship with my ex neighbour. We went the extra mile for her, though we never asked her for help. My new neighbours are a different kind and it's taken about a year for them to return a good morning greeting. I'm also angry that they scream and are imo
abusive to their children. Personally, I like to live in a community where people are supportive, so it's in my interest to be generous. If you don't want to do these favours for your neighbour, then don't as you will only get resentful.

Fragmentedbrain · 15/07/2025 09:22

Why would you even consider this??????? People, man. Don't even say no just laugh and don't.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 15/07/2025 09:25

Do you work OP? Do you have a DH or DP?

I think if you work full time and are struggling to find time to do your own things its perfectly reasonable to decline watering her plants if its going to take you ages and become a chore for you when you get home from work and have your own children to look after. However I would do the bins for her, it takes a matter of minutes.

Honestly I find it so sad that so many people on here are calling her a CF when she is obviously a working single mum that has been brave enough to reach out and ask for help. We live in a society where we are encouraged to reach out, be open, ask for help if you need it, and then when someone does they are called a CF.

I am so pleased that where I live my neighbours are all so lovely and friendly and will happily help each other out with this kind of thing. We bring each others bins round, water each others plants, feed each others cats etc and don't think anything of being neighbourly towards one another.

Hoppinggreen · 15/07/2025 09:27

We live in a small cul de sac of 6 houses and whoever put their own bin back on bin day usually does everyones but the bin men do tend to leave them all in the same place so its no hardhsip. If anyone is away someone will always put the bin out so I would have no problem putting someone bin back.
I wouldn't be too happy about watering the plants though, that can be done evenings and weekends so theres no reason she can't do it herself

JMSA · 15/07/2025 09:28

This is Mumsnet and 99% would say no, as they’re not up for putting themselves out. Doing favours for others really seems to trigger many.

I wouldn’t agree to this long term but would do it for a couple of weeks while she adjusts to going back to work.

PollyBell · 15/07/2025 09:29

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 15/07/2025 09:25

Do you work OP? Do you have a DH or DP?

I think if you work full time and are struggling to find time to do your own things its perfectly reasonable to decline watering her plants if its going to take you ages and become a chore for you when you get home from work and have your own children to look after. However I would do the bins for her, it takes a matter of minutes.

Honestly I find it so sad that so many people on here are calling her a CF when she is obviously a working single mum that has been brave enough to reach out and ask for help. We live in a society where we are encouraged to reach out, be open, ask for help if you need it, and then when someone does they are called a CF.

I am so pleased that where I live my neighbours are all so lovely and friendly and will happily help each other out with this kind of thing. We bring each others bins round, water each others plants, feed each others cats etc and don't think anything of being neighbourly towards one another.

That is all well and good if everyone helps each other out not a one way thing

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 15/07/2025 09:31

PollyBell · 15/07/2025 09:29

That is all well and good if everyone helps each other out not a one way thing

Show quote history

Who says the OP won't one day find herself in a position where she might need some help herself? She will then maybe wish she had been a little more neighbourly.

Flyswats · 15/07/2025 09:37

How did she ask you, was it in person or by text?
If it was by text just ignore it completely If she then asks again in person, just say "I'm really sorry, I can't help you" do not give reasons. You can't help her. End of story.

OriginalSkang · 15/07/2025 09:38

I'm a single parent who works full time. I would never in a million years ask a neighbour to do any tasks like this for me! Let alone a neighbour with a baby! Its madness. She is absolutely a cheeky fucker and is being extremely unneighbourly herself.

I would obviously do it if someone was going on holiday, but not just for the foreseeable future for no particular reason!