To not want to help neighbour?

[twistweer]

Basically my neighbour has gone back to work after being on maternity leave and has asked if I could help with the following:

Collect her bins on bin day every week.
Water her plants when I water mine (at least daily).

My neighbour is a single mum and only has her mum and step dad to help who live about 15 minutes away.

I have two young children aged between 1.5 and 4.

I find this neighbour quite nosey and intrusive and I don’t really like talking to her as she asks such personal questions and she talks about other neighbours so now I just say hello and shut down and attempts at a conversation.

Whilst I was watering my plants with my watering can as I haven’t got a garden tap at the front is when she must of seen me on her Ringdoor and asked me.

I don’t really want to be expected to collect her bin every week and water her plants every day.

To be honest she started collecting my bin and we alternate in bin collecting the bins at the minute but I would prefer just to collect my own bin as otherwise when she see’s me she will just use it as an excuse to start talking about neighbours etc.

I fill my watering can about 5 times to water all my plants and I don’t want to be wasting my water and time on a neighbour I don’t even really like.

AIBU to say no?

Sure… My hourly rate is £X (Exhorbitant amount). Minimum of two hours per callout. I’ll write up a contract for you and pop right around, shall I?

Give an inch and she’ll take a mile, don’t give an inch.

I’d collect the bins (easy and doesn’t take a minute) but I’d say no to the plants. In fact, start doing them in the evening, when she’s already home, which is the best time to do it anyway 🤷‍♀️

I think she's not unreasonable to ask for help with the bins if she's at work and you're around as long as she sometimes returns the favour. I wouldn't be watering her plants though, that's something she can make time to do. I would tell her that you don't want to be responsible for it every day as you're busy and might forget.

She's a CF.
Your instincts are correct.
Just say No, you have enough to do, on a loop.
Do not ever invite her into your home and don't stop to talk, she's a user.

Watering plants is a pain in the arse, the cheek of her to ask this.
Avoid her like the plague.

Bins - fine. Plants - not unless she’s on holiday.

Just say sorry i’m on a water meter so can’t do yours too. Pretty cheeky. Bringing her bin in, i’d probably do that as won’t take 2 mins, but she is cheeky to ask you to help her really.

Back in the day, bringing in the bins was one bin once a week, we now have 3 different bins plus a recycling box so 4 separate “bins”!
I agree that moving the bin/s off the pavement to the bottom of the drive isn’t unreasonable, but any further, no.
And even then I would be making it clear that if I noticed the bin and had time then ok, but I wasn’t going to be responsible for moving her bins every week, particularly in the winter. The bins are her responsibility not yours.

The bin takes 10 seconds.

The flower watering would be a NO!

I wouldn’t. A one off is fine but this sounds like the start of something more. Nope

You are being lined up to be her unpaid help. This isn’t about the bins or the plants, it’s about her testing the water to see how much she can get away with.

I would say you can’t commit to either, amd be vague. You are going away soon, can’t be sure you will remember. The fact is she is a single mother is not relevant, she can still water her plants and organise her bins.

Some of these comments are depressing. No wonder there is a mental health and depression crisis and people say Britain is a cold place. Regardless of her being a bit of a nosy (and every neighbourhood has at least one) A struggling single mum is a 'CF' for requesting a little help? Really? That's a disgusting attitude.

Now the practical suggestions from PP are good. You could take the bins and because of the water meter that gives you way to drop the flower watering.

No one is under obligation to do anything for others but you create the society you want.

I'm ill, but I take all my neighbours parcels when they're out. Even people who live much further down. The postmen and delivery people practically make a straight line for my house at this point. Is it a faff sometimes? Yes for sure. Sometimes I'm in the bathroom and sometimes they take over my hallway, and sometimes they're there for days.

But it's nice when I need a small favour in return and my neighbours gladly help. One neighbour gave me a really expensive cream from her business for my skin the other day.

It's called community.

Christ no, how do the rest of us manage!

Same. I wouldn't want to do the watering but I don't think the bin is any big deal. I'd probably take the bin in as a matter of course though I wouldn't necessarily want to commit to it.

same here

I wouldn't do anything, because she will take an inch and expect a mile.
Shes a mother, that doesn't make her incapable of doing any of those things. She seems entitled and a CF, just say no

I've got lovely neighbours but never overstep the boundary of being just that, neighbours. I'll bring the bins in if I'm out there first & they do the same. We only water each others gardens if they are on holiday & we ask in advance. I agree with everyone else if you start doing stuff for her it'll be a slippery slope.

If the bin only takea 10 seconds then she can do it herself

Just say no as youve enough to do yourself with two small children, be assertive.

Be careful and set boundaries. I agree with other posters about the possibility that you will be lined up for emergency childcare or other tasks in the future.

I water neighbours plants and put their bins when they go away and vice versa but there is no long term expectation or taking advantage.

Like many others I work all day and collect my own bin. I also have to water my plants with a watering can which can take half hour or so ( I'm dreading next year's water bill!)
Her going back to work doesn't mean she is unable to do these things herself.
Her time is no more important than yours x

Say no. You need to set boundaries. Say it is too much for you.
I used to swap these chores with my neighbour when we both went on holiday. Now I am retired, I go on holiday a lot more than her so I have stopped putting in plants that need watering. I still do hers and it takes ages because she has lots of tubs but it works out fair as she does my bins every time I go away.
Yes definitely she has got you lined up for childcare.

Some people are very very good at getting other people to do things for them. [Glares at our own neighbour].

You have young children and a life of your own. She 'only' has a mother and step father who live nearby. That's more support right there than many have.

I'd say no, that the responsibility would make you anxious / you are on a water metre (is she asking you to use your water for her plants?) / or you cannot commit to things like that. PPs are right- it will escalate.

We have a CF neighbour who thinks others exist only in order to do what he wants. It starts small and then escalates. He did not much like it when we finally figured out what was going on and began putting our foot down.

"Sure, I'll water your plants if you do my ironing. Deal?"

Bins -you might as well. Plants- look puzzled and say you can’t see why she can’t do it.