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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to help neighbour?

149 replies

twistweer · 15/07/2025 00:25

Basically my neighbour has gone back to work after being on maternity leave and has asked if I could help with the following:

Collect her bins on bin day every week.
Water her plants when I water mine (at least daily).

My neighbour is a single mum and only has her mum and step dad to help who live about 15 minutes away.

I have two young children aged between 1.5 and 4.

I find this neighbour quite nosey and intrusive and I don’t really like talking to her as she asks such personal questions and she talks about other neighbours so now I just say hello and shut down and attempts at a conversation.

Whilst I was watering my plants with my watering can as I haven’t got a garden tap at the front is when she must of seen me on her Ringdoor and asked me.

I don’t really want to be expected to collect her bin every week and water her plants every day.

To be honest she started collecting my bin and we alternate in bin collecting the bins at the minute but I would prefer just to collect my own bin as otherwise when she see’s me she will just use it as an excuse to start talking about neighbours etc.

I fill my watering can about 5 times to water all my plants and I don’t want to be wasting my water and time on a neighbour I don’t even really like.

AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 15/07/2025 11:02

I would do the bins, no reason not to. Takes seconds and you're doing your own so not sure what excuse you'd have for doing you're and leaving hers other than being unkind. Plants is more responsibility so she can do those every evening when she gets home.

godmum56 · 15/07/2025 11:03

Lavender14 · 15/07/2025 00:28

Just say no. If i was bringing my bin up and my neighbours bin was there I'd bring theirs up too and vice versa, but neither of us expect it of the other. There's no reason why she can't water her own plants.

this absolutely. I am amazed she'd even ask.....although perhaps not given what else I see on here.

godmum56 · 15/07/2025 11:06

Fundayout2025 · 15/07/2025 10:48

This. Whoever is back first amongst immediate neighbours takes bins in. No big deal

Show quote history

yeah but not commit to doing it which is different from whever is out there does it.

Mmhmmn · 15/07/2025 11:08

Just say no, you're not going to do that. Go back to each doing your own bins if need be. I agree your neighbour is a CF. Her life choices, not your problem. You need rock solid boundaries with CFs.

With the plants thing, she is pushing to see how much she can take the piss out of you. If she likes plants she should want to water her own and there's no reason why she can't.

DrowningInSyrup · 15/07/2025 11:15

Sorry that doesn't work for me, seems the most sensible suggestion. Just say you are busy and don't want the responsibility. If she needs daily help then she can pay someone for it. Absolute CFery.

Funnywonder · 15/07/2025 11:16

Agree with pp’s. I would bring the bin up as it’s no big deal. But I wouldn’t commit to watering the plants. She can do that when she gets home. It’s not time dependent.

Rosscameasdoody · 15/07/2025 11:18

If you already alternate with the bins I suppose it would be a bit petty not to collect hers, but definitely no to the watering - I suspect you’re both on water meters and even if not, traipsing in and out with a watering can multiple times is tedious. I’d refuse - not least because it’s a short step from there to childcare.

Doorwayss · 15/07/2025 11:20

Some people find it very easy to impose on others.
She gets a lot of help, now wants to recruit you as another helper.
Absolutely not.

Jaws2025 · 15/07/2025 11:21

The bin lying out is a sign the house is empty, I suppose. Sometimes ours are left blocking other neighbours drives too.

tachetastic · 15/07/2025 11:21

I think the only option is to sacrifice your plants and when she asks why her plants are dead reply "you only asked me to water them when I watered mine". 😇

The most shocking thing I find about this story is that apparently your bins need bringing in every week. Who has weekly bin collection these days? We're down to once every three weeks and we're a household of six. 😭

mondaytosunday · 15/07/2025 11:21

A friends DH starting dealing with his neighbour’s bins as a favour when her DH passed away. Five years later (and she now has grown kids at home) he’s still doing it!
Bins I could cope with (but as a joint effort) but plants? No way.

SapphOhNo · 15/07/2025 11:22

I think you just say "Sorry, I can't take this on. I'm forgetful so can't guarantee I'd not forget so best you find other arrangements".

NoHumour · 15/07/2025 11:31

Why does going back to work mean she can’t do the bin? What does she think other people do? 😂

GAJLY · 15/07/2025 11:41

I read your update regarding her bin being stolen in the past. I'd say yes I'll take in your bin, if I'm around. That way you won't be to blame if you don't do it one day, and her bin goes missing. As you don't want to be blamed for anything. A no to the watering, just say sorry I cant commit to the watering. And advise her to do it in the evenings or mornings.

AngryBookworm · 15/07/2025 12:03

YANBU to say no to both. If you want to take on the bins to avoid meeting her out there that's very nice of you. I definitely wouldn't do the watering. She can pay someone to go round and do it if she's that desperate. Sure she's a single mum but if she has parents who are 15 minutes away that's potentially more support than some people (including couples who both work tbqh). So don't be guilted into doing anything unless reciprocity is built in from the start.

HelplessSoul · 15/07/2025 12:16

"My neighbour hates gardening."

On that basis, tell her to fuck off.

Fuck RIGHT OFF.

ShallIstart · 15/07/2025 12:24

Are you her maid? No? Then tell her to do one.

carkerpartridge · 15/07/2025 12:30

Since you work from home, you really need to set your boundaries otherwise it's a slippery slope for CF requests. I think bringing in the bins as a casual thing to do when you're passing is fine. It would be a definite no regarding the plants.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 15/07/2025 12:52

DreamTheMoors · 15/07/2025 02:30

Say “no, thank you” as if she’s offering you a plate of shite biscuits.

😂

I agree with pps... This is a CF Alert. Say yes to this and it will be all sorts of other odd jobs lined up "While you are watering my garden, would you mind awfully if..." and possible childcare.

She deliberately started doing your bins for exactly this reason. and now she won't be around to do your bins will she? It will just be you doing both.

The bins alone wouldn't tick me off that much, I do if for my neighbours if they are on holiday - but add in the watering someone else's garden and this is a list that will grow and grow

She has two parents 15 mins away.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 15/07/2025 12:54

ps Tell her these are going cheap on Amazon.
6Pcs Plant Waterer with 6Pcs 500ml Bottles Automatic Drip Irrigation Kits with Slow Release Control Valve for Plants Self Watering

Jacobs4 · 15/07/2025 12:55

Doing her bin is neighbourly, yes. 👍🏻

she could water her plants when she gets home. I’m surprised she asked, unless she only has two plants.

SaintGermain · 15/07/2025 12:59

Absolutely no to watering her plants. That’s something she can get up early and do and use her own water.

I would move her bins off of a pavement and into her property but not all the way up to her house.

As for her talking about neighbours, you simply shut her down and tell her you don’t like nasty gossip.

JustSawJohnny · 15/07/2025 13:07

twistweer · 15/07/2025 10:05

She asked me as as I was watering my own plants, she had just got back from holiday and her plants were in a bad state apparently.
She had asked another neighbour to water them but the neighbour hasn’t watered them.

I do have a DP but he works away in the week.

My neighbour gets a lot of help, her mum is the one who planted her plants, mowed her lawn, deadheads the flowers etc but apparently her mum hasn’t got the time anymore.
My neighbour hates gardening.

Im not knocking her but I don’t get any help of anyone and I still manage to plant my own flowers, water my plants, mow my lawn etc and this is with 2 young children.

I also work part time as well from home.

I don’t mind getting bins but I don’t want it to be expected every week as now she is back at work she is worried someone will run of with her bins as it happened to her before.

I'd just say 'Sorry, I struggle to keep on top of my own garden whilst juggling work and the kids, I really can't take on anyone else's'.

If her Mum can't manage her garden any more she needs to either do it herself or pay for a gardener.

We all have to deal with our own gardens. It's just not something you can put on a neighbour, long term.

I'd do it while they're on holiday and happily ask them to do it for us in return, if we have that kind of relationship, but all the time, no.

SplendidUtterly · 15/07/2025 13:38

I'd brimg her bins in but i wouldn't water the plant's.

Morgenrot25 · 15/07/2025 13:40

Sorry, I cannot guarantee that I'll remember or even have the time, so best not to rely on me.