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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to help neighbour?

149 replies

twistweer · 15/07/2025 00:25

Basically my neighbour has gone back to work after being on maternity leave and has asked if I could help with the following:

Collect her bins on bin day every week.
Water her plants when I water mine (at least daily).

My neighbour is a single mum and only has her mum and step dad to help who live about 15 minutes away.

I have two young children aged between 1.5 and 4.

I find this neighbour quite nosey and intrusive and I don’t really like talking to her as she asks such personal questions and she talks about other neighbours so now I just say hello and shut down and attempts at a conversation.

Whilst I was watering my plants with my watering can as I haven’t got a garden tap at the front is when she must of seen me on her Ringdoor and asked me.

I don’t really want to be expected to collect her bin every week and water her plants every day.

To be honest she started collecting my bin and we alternate in bin collecting the bins at the minute but I would prefer just to collect my own bin as otherwise when she see’s me she will just use it as an excuse to start talking about neighbours etc.

I fill my watering can about 5 times to water all my plants and I don’t want to be wasting my water and time on a neighbour I don’t even really like.

AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
13planets · 15/07/2025 09:48

Bins fine, but not watering!

I would say, “oh do you already have a tap and a hose at the front? Then I don’t mind and that will be convenient as I can use it to water my garden too! It has taken me ages to water my garden with the watering can and it’s killing my back.”

Then if she says no hose, pull a sad face and say “oh shame, it was a good idea! Never mind, let me know when you get the hose installed and we can talk again.”

And if she says “sure!” Then you have got free water and don’t have to carry your watering cans through to the front garden.

Auntiebenita · 15/07/2025 09:50

The bins request is reasonable if you are physically fit. If I wanted to be a good neighbour I would do it, even though it is a bit of a cheek for her to ask.

The watering is completely unreasonable. Just say no, you don’t want to do that.

Roselilly36 · 15/07/2025 09:53

Just say no, you are far too busy. If you don’t I expect more duties will be requested.

SprayWhiteDung · 15/07/2025 09:54

House plants are a bit like very low-level pets: you don't need to have them at all, but if you choose to have them, you surely realise that they require ongoing care and commitment from you?

It's a bit like choosing to get a dog and then being surprised that you need to take it for daily walks and pick up its poo. Don't want to/don't have the capacity to do any of that? Absolutely fine; just don't get a dog.

CoraPirbright · 15/07/2025 09:55

I would be friendly/chatty but firm: “hi! Happy to take your bin in when I do mine. However i will not be able to water your plants. I hate doing my own - such a boring and heavy chore so there’s no way I will be adding yours in too 😆. Good luck with the return to work - how exciting for you!”

Relaxd · 15/07/2025 09:58

As others have said - just say you don’t have time. If it was a one off or a holiday etc perhaps and you’d expect the same in return.

blandana · 15/07/2025 09:58

JMSA · 15/07/2025 09:28

This is Mumsnet and 99% would say no, as they’re not up for putting themselves out. Doing favours for others really seems to trigger many.

I wouldn’t agree to this long term but would do it for a couple of weeks while she adjusts to going back to work.

The OP doesn’t like the neighbour asking for favours, and feels awkward about it. This is not about not wanting to do favours. She doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want to, that’s all there is to it.

If it were another neighbour who she liked and who asked very graciously for a favour with a clear timeframe, the OP might feel differently.

Olika · 15/07/2025 09:59

I wouldn’t do either and just tell her no.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/07/2025 10:01

Can you imagine a man in your position stressing about saying no to cheeky requests?

Luckyingame · 15/07/2025 10:04

Say no.
It's about boundaries and your own life, you don't owe your neighbour anything.
Everyone is the creator of their own fortune, mostly.

Original poster
twistweer · 15/07/2025 10:05

She asked me as as I was watering my own plants, she had just got back from holiday and her plants were in a bad state apparently.
She had asked another neighbour to water them but the neighbour hasn’t watered them.

I do have a DP but he works away in the week.

My neighbour gets a lot of help, her mum is the one who planted her plants, mowed her lawn, deadheads the flowers etc but apparently her mum hasn’t got the time anymore.
My neighbour hates gardening.

Im not knocking her but I don’t get any help of anyone and I still manage to plant my own flowers, water my plants, mow my lawn etc and this is with 2 young children.

I also work part time as well from home.

I don’t mind getting bins but I don’t want it to be expected every week as now she is back at work she is worried someone will run of with her bins as it happened to her before.

OP posts:
Helpmeplease2025 · 15/07/2025 10:06

She can do these things after work, like everyone else who works. The fact she is a single mum is irrelevant. Just say no. CF.

alcoholnightmare · 15/07/2025 10:11

I hate gardening too - so my garden is shit!

Id have said yes to the bins - but after your last update saying someone ran off with hers, what would happen if that happened again? Would she expect you to replace bin as you ‘should have’ got the bin in quicker?

it’s a no from me to the lot.

Voyager54 · 15/07/2025 10:15

She needs to organise her own life before trying to organise yours. You have also stated that she is nosey. So it is a big no from me.

99bottlesofkombucha · 15/07/2025 10:27

If your dp works away I think you should say no. I barely water my own plants!

ruethewhirl · 15/07/2025 10:31

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/07/2025 10:01

Can you imagine a man in your position stressing about saying no to cheeky requests?

Absolutely this! You’re not BU in the slightest, OP.

YourFunnyTiger · 15/07/2025 10:32

Fuck no!! Tell her if she had time to lay on her back and breed she can make time for everything else. What a lazy madam.

OriginalUsername2 · 15/07/2025 10:34

She had asked another neighbour to water them but the neighbour hasn’t watered them.

The neighbour is smart. She’ll not be asked again!

Just don’t do it. Play dumb when she asks why. Maybe give the gen-Z stare.

Cheeky Fucker might stop asking (or telling, by the sounds of it) if people don’t enable her.

MassiveOvaryaction · 15/07/2025 10:40

YANBU to decline to commit to doing these things on a regular basis.
We put nextdoor's bin out if we notice they've not done it the morning of collection, and they do the same for us. Part of being neighbourly innit? It's certainly not every week though. And if you were watering the front with a hose it would cost a few minutes and pennies to just raise it over the fence and spray around her garden a bit. But as you're using a watering can it's more of a faff and I can understand why you'd refuse. I'd maybe offer to do it turn and turn about with her neighbour on the other side if she's away.

YetAnotherAlias62 · 15/07/2025 10:43

She's a working single mother.
You're also a working mother and essentially single during the week if your DP works away.
She's a CF, ignore her ridiculous requests.

GoneGirl12345 · 15/07/2025 10:46

I think I would agree to bring the bins in when me or DH are bringing ours in, that's no bother.

But I'd be honest and say I can't commit to watering your plants as I can barely manage my own.

She is a CF for asking but no harm in helping a neighbour if you can.

JudgeJ · 15/07/2025 10:48

nomas · 15/07/2025 03:17

Do not do her bins or watering. She is a cheeky fucker.

Stop collecting her bin.

Can't she bring her bin in when she gets home from work?

Fundayout2025 · 15/07/2025 10:48

ChocolateCinderToffee · 15/07/2025 03:13

I would do the bins, it takes no time at all. But not the watering.

This. Whoever is back first amongst immediate neighbours takes bins in. No big deal

Cucy · 15/07/2025 10:51

I would happily bring in the bins but I would say - I’m happy to bring your bins in if I am home (so she doesn’t expect it)

But I’d say no to watering the plants.

Just be quite blunt and say you don’t want to water anymore plants as you barely have time to do your own. And perhaps if she’s struggling to maintain them then it’s better to let them die off.

I love flowers and would like to grow some veg but I simply do not have the time and so I don’t plant any.
I don’t ask a neighbour to look after them for me.

JudgeJ · 15/07/2025 10:55

Some of these comments are depressing. No wonder there is a mental health and depression crisis and people say Britain is a cold place. Regardless of her being a bit of a nosy (and every neighbourhood has at least one) A struggling single mum is a 'CF' for requesting a little help? Really? That's a disgusting attitude.

As has been said, the neighbour will not stop asking the neighbour to be an unpaid help, not everything can be lumped under the usual mental health and depression banners. She's had months on maternity leave to make plans for her return to work, if her plants are so hard to manage then maybe she has fewer, taking a bin in after work really isn't difficult. Many people manage their lives without expecting the world to drop everything to service their whims.