AIBU to think parents don’t need to be ultra smart/ formal for graduation ceremonies?

[MimiGC]

Our son is graduating from UWE next week. He’s wearing a suit and tie, as are his friends. I think smart casual is fine for parents, but DH thinks formal wear for parents is required and is planning on wearing a suit and tie himself. Grateful for Mumsnetters experiences- who has been to a graduation ceremony recently and what were parents wearing?

Your outfit sounds fine. My observations are people wear a wide variety from mother of the groom to popping out to Tesco's. There may be regional differences e.g Queens Belfast, very dressed up with high heels.

You really don’t need to dress up formally for a preschool ‘graduation’. It is not the same as a university graduation, all the preschool one is celebrating is that he is turning 4. He is also 3, he doesn’t care what you wear.

Yes a pre school graduation is the same imo as a class assembly at primary school....wear what you want. To be honest I think if you dressed up for it, it would raise a few eyebrows

I work at the University of Bath, and although there's a wide array of attire, most parents choose smart dress, which I feel is appropriate for the beautiful venue and occasion.

As he is my only grandson, I will be dressing up, I will wear what I want, he will be proud to see his grandma there, but thank you for your in put

DD’s Masters graduation was a small affair because the university doesn’t offer undergraduate degrees, but everyone was dressed smartly - summer dresses and suits (with or without ties) - as per what the majority on this thread have said. I didn’t see a single person dressed casually.

Thank you, I will be wearing smart attire, he is my only grandchild, and I'm a proud grandma, I am really looking forward to the occasion. I have never experienced a pre school graduation as it wasn't a thing when my 3 were leaving pre school.

I remember a thread from a few years ago in which the OP said she was just going to wear her everyday clothes to her dc’s graduation (with a “why should I dress up? kind of attitude) but her dc was begging her to wear something smarter to be in line with other parents. No, it’s not oh so casual and cool, it’s just trying to stand out as it would be noticeable if someone was in jeans and a T-shirt.

No one is required to don the full Royal Enclosure at Ascot outfit, but dressier clothes are very much the vibe. And when I say dressier, that doesn’t mean expensive. Vinted is your friend!

It’s a formal occasion. Team DH.

Bath (two Unis) is in the midst of graduation ceremonies and both of my main walking routes into the city centre involve passing all the students getting their gowns and taking their family photos. There are a fair number of overseas students. Over the years I must have walked past a few thousand students.

Most of the male students are wearing suits, or at least a formal shirt and trousers. Girls dresses vary from floor length to something so short that you’d expect them to be off to a nightclub. Many girls are wearing what I would deem as “suitable to wear for an interview in the City”.

Most parents seem to be dressed for a summer wedding/Wimbledon centre court. Most men are in jackets/blazers (not many ties), women in mid length dresses. Some parents are in traditional dress (African/Asian).

Each individual ceremony is for a large number of students. Wear what will make you feel comfortable (and cool in summer/warm in winter).

How about we try out a few sentences to see what the real dynamic is.

(a) They genuinely don’t care.
(b) They’ve been trained since birth to know that you won’t care, and if they asked you to dress up they’d get told no and maybe a lecture on not being a sheep on top.
(c) They don’t bother asking anything of you in this domain any longer because you’re stubborn to the point of stupidity, but do discuss it amongst themselves.
(d) They know it’s not about them, it’s about your own issues about how you look, and that balance of what’s passable without anyone (your mother/ex/whoever) making a snide comment about wasting money /getting above yourself/pig with lipstick / whichever shitty comment was their go to put down.

You think that nobody else has experienced this dynamic, or knows your thought process?

Hmm, as a family we're quite comfortable with non-conformity generally. My husband has probably worn a suit three times in his life (and not at our wedding). He has never worked in an industry where it's been necessary. We've been to four graduations (including undergrad, post grad, PhD) and he wore dark jeans and a smartish jacket and I wore long summer dresses with ankle boots or chunky sandals. No-one appeared mortified by our less formal sartorial choices.

My advice is to wear an outfit that says to your children you've made a conscious effort to acknowledge the specialness of the occasion but don't compromise your own personal comfort or style (or spend money on an outfit you'll never wear again) - there's really no need to.

I’ve looked at my phone photos from last year. Ex was wearing suit trousers and smart black shoes, a blue/white office type shirt and holding a casual jacket (it was warm), no tie. I wore a blouse and wide black trousers. We didn’t look out of place. It’s not Oxbridge or anything if that makes a difference.

@MimiGC My DS graduated from UWE last summer. Nearly everyone was dresses pretty smartly. Men were in suits and ties, or smart trousers and a jacket/blazer. Plenty of women were in trousers and tops as you describe OP. You will be fine.
Lots of students from different cultures had their traditional dress which was fabulous.

The vast majority of males graduates were in suits and ties.

You may want a jacket/cardigan for the ceremony - I seem to remember the air con at the Bristol Beacon came as a bit of a shock after the hot day outside.

Once DS had collected his gown, we wandered round to College Green to take our photos which was a lovely setting.

I’ve just looked at some film footage from last year to see what other people were wearing and everyone was just wearing summery smart but fairly casual clothes (as in not looking like they’re going to a wedding but are making an effort). Summer dresses, smart trousers (and chinos). Summery trousers on women etc. More like if you were going to a well-to-do neighbour’s summer party in their lovely back garden. This wasn’t one of the fancier unis though. Everyone was so focused on their own child I don’t honestly think anyone noticed what others were wearing. I think dress how your child wants you to as they are going to be the only one who will really register it.

Are you the student or the parent?

Hello! Smart casual is fine. I wouldn’t wear dirty trainers but also wouldn’t dress like I was going to a wedding (although some do!).

Definitely dress up!! X

I think you genuinely can’t see beyond your own dynamic and history. I am loved as I am as are my children, dh and in-laws. I have enough money to buy clothes as I please and do as I please with it. Trousers and a top are perfectly respectable. Why are you trying to make me feel this is some huge problem for any of us?

I’m sorry (not sorry) but I think it is rather arrogant to trumpet how “alternative” one is wearing DMs etc etc whilst simultaneously making a snide dig at the saddos who’ve made an effort.

Makes me think of the Mean Girls I’ve encountered through life who liked to snigger at anyone committing the crime of trying .

Posters drawling “just wear what’s comfortable” - what? Like your pyjamas? Realistically jeans are far less comfortable than the “frumpy mum dress” - especially in the heat we’ve had. Some people just want to signal how they are too cool for school. Immature, imo.

The graduation picture of me with my parents is still hanging on the wall of my parents living room 30 years later. Just worth thinking about!

Feel better for that, do you?

Summer graduations tend towards nice frock for women and a suit for men. There were men who clearly owned something between scruffy shorts and work suit who looked effortlessly cool in their shirts and trousers rather than stuffed into their work/ funeral/ christening/ family wedding one suit to fit all occasions . Some women wore dresses with trainers. DS declared them Mumsnetters!

The first graduation I actually went to was a Master's one last autumn and it was freezing. Lots of people were dressed very casually and nearly everyone had their big coat on!

When I collected my DD from Durham a couple weeks ago it was graduation time and most mums were wearing a nice summer frock (yes, I’d say frock), and men in suits, not all with ties but say most. They all looked fabulous and it marked it as a special occasion. Mind you the ceremonies were in the Cathedral so that may have influenced people!

We went to my daughter's yesterday, DH wore trousers, shirt and smart trainers. There was a mixture of suits, with shirts/ toe/ no tie/ t shirt/ no jacket.
A jacket and tie was not compulsory at all