AIBU to think parents don’t need to be ultra smart/ formal for graduation ceremonies?

[MimiGC]

Our son is graduating from UWE next week. He’s wearing a suit and tie, as are his friends. I think smart casual is fine for parents, but DH thinks formal wear for parents is required and is planning on wearing a suit and tie himself. Grateful for Mumsnetters experiences- who has been to a graduation ceremony recently and what were parents wearing?

I should graduate next year. I have absolutely no doubt my dad will wear a suit. Pretty certain my mum will wear the outfit she wore for my sisters wedding.

I wore a dress and heels last week. My ex turned up in trousers, a jumper and trainers. I was a bit at that, but my dd didn't mind and I think that's the most important thing.

I think it's important to be comfortable - there's a lot of standing around, and I don't think it's necessary to dress like you're at a wedding!

I've got my dd's graduation tomorrow. Her instructions are to look smart and not wear jeans and trainers.

My dp has had to buy himself a shirt and pair of decent trousers but won't be going as far as a tie or jacket.

I'm wearing one of my work dresses and a pair of sandals. Enough not to embarrass my dd but not formal like a posh wedding because I would feel extremely unnatural and uncomfortable.

When I graduated, many years ago, I couldn't give a toss what my parents wore and the only photo we had was the one official one.
My dd, on the other hand, has warned me that there will be lots of photos. She has suggested colours for my dress that would go with her gown. Apparently, one of her friends has told her family that they must wear a particular colour. I'm guessing that's all about making photos look good on their social media.

My children would not care what I wore, and I expect that influences my choices. Jeans and DMs sounds fine to me as does smart frock, but I would wear trousers and a floaty top and dh would wear a suit. None of it is about clothes or parents.

When my DDs graduated, no one looked like they were going to a wedding in terms of ott outfits. Is this a northern thing? The dads nearly all wore suits and at the second graduation, it was so hot, ties were dispensed with! Modern linen mix suits for men in navy look great. Women look great in any decent formal day dress. There’s a huge choice! Jacket depends on weather. I didn’t take one to either graduation - way too hot!

I would also recommend lowish heel shoes. Definitely not high ones unless you are confident you will be ok for the whole day.

I also think women who wear work trousers and a shirt haven’t really entered into the spirit of the day. Wearing trousers and a smart top can work very well but not black ones and a shirt that’s obviously a work outfit.

Why would you not dress up for such an occasion?

It’s a very formal important ceremony. I wear a formal dress or suit plus gown and hat. Dress for the occasion - it’s serious.

YABU

on both occasions I bought a dress
DH had a jacket and nice trousers

Went to DS’s last week. DH wore a suit and tie, I wore a tea dress. There was a whole range of outfits though. I don’t remember seeing any jeans but I didn’t study everyone going in - just had plenty of time to observe from the queue into the cathedral!

I work at a uni and this year’s graduations started yesterday. Everyone I saw was dressed like they were at a pretty formal wedding, despite the heat, didn’t see a single person dressed down (although I’m sure they wouldn’t have been turned away).

@ParmaVioletTea I have a feeling most parents don’t wear gowns or a hat!

I don’t think that’s quite true though is it? I think it deserves the care and respect one would give to a job interview outfit, where others will be in a suit and tie.
Did you check with your children that they would be fine with you turning up as a stand out Worst Dressed?

“None of it is about the clothes” is actually a passive aggressive deflection for shitty behaviour.

DD graduated this summer. I would say parents and guests were smart but not formal wedding level so.
I decided my dress in part what would not clash with DD’s hood (gown was black) in a photo so maybe I overthought it a little.

There isn't usually a dress code for parents as such, but if I'm spending the day with my child - taking them out to a restaurant etc - and they're dressed up, then it would feel appropriate to be similarly smart.

I was surprised how much the (female) students dressed up. In my day I wore a black skirt and white shirt! My dd wore a very slinky dress. I feature in one of her photos on social media, the rest are all of her and her friends. I don't think jeans would have been appropriate, but trainers would be fine if you can't do shoes all day. It was nice going out for dinner afterwards - there were groups of students all over the place.

I was also surprised at the bouquet of flowers thing - we didn't get that memo and bought my dd some flowers from a shop on campus. It's the done thing for them all to hold their bouquets in the photos.

Or they genuinely don’t care that I dress to your standards and genuinely know I care about them and are proud of their achievements? Different people have very very different ideas about what is important. There’s nothing passive aggressive about not conforming to your standards any more than you (presumably) are not being aggressive by dressing in the way you see fit.

DH is a lecturer so goes to a lot of graduations. Most attendees dress nicely. Smart casual at the bottom end up to suits and ties. And that includes the staff!

So a more formal vibe.

This is such a significant day for your family, don’t let your child down by not dressing appropriately. It’s a big deal and maybe the first time you meet some of their friends .

I do find this quite funny - you consider that the majority of women there were " over the top" in their dress rather than perhaps you being under dressed for the occasion. If most people are an event are dressed a certain way, isn't that likely to be the norm? I'm not saying you have to conform to that norm but it's a bit weird to be judgey about the style the majority are wearing.

I think this just generally in life. People seem to pride themselves on dressing casually even for most special of ocassions. Personally I like wearing casual comfortable clothes most of the time but it's really nice to have an opportunity to wear something more fancy. If you shop carefully, formal doesn't have to mean uncomfortable anyway.

Think again OP. It’s celebration time!

Dd and I are going shopping at the weekend for new outfits and shoes for both of us. Dh is going in trousers and a shirt, not a suit but will be smart. It’s a fairly formal celebration so we are dressing for the occasion. Plus we have booked dinner out at a nice restaurant after so will also look nice for that.

DS graduates next week and I’ve bought a lovely dress to wear and I’m the least likely person to see dressed up. Usually a jeans, band t-shirt and converse type. But I'm so proud of him, I want to make an effort for the day. And I’m actually quite excited to be able to wear something nice for a change!

In Manchester last week most parents were dressed as if they were guests at a wedding, but no hats or fascinators, headgear would make you fairly unpopular with the people sitting behind you in the hall. Women wore dresses and heels or sandals, men wore shirts and smart trousers. Not many people wore jackets as it was boiling hot. Lots of the men wore ties.

Most of the female students had dressed up in heels and dresses and the male students wore shirts and suit trousers, although not all wore ties.

I can't remember the last time DH wore a suit, he doesn't even wear them for family funerals so I can't imagine he'd buy one for DDs graduation.