AIBU to think parents don’t need to be ultra smart/ formal for graduation ceremonies?

[MimiGC]

Our son is graduating from UWE next week. He’s wearing a suit and tie, as are his friends. I think smart casual is fine for parents, but DH thinks formal wear for parents is required and is planning on wearing a suit and tie himself. Grateful for Mumsnetters experiences- who has been to a graduation ceremony recently and what were parents wearing?

Oh god.

This has reminded me that DH really needs to try on his 30-year-old suit and admit that it no longer fits.

He's a very unusual size so has to buy online. In advance.

He will delay doing this till the last possible moment.

I was at a graduation last week. Some men were wearing smart trousers and shirts but the majority had jackets or suits. I didn’t see any quirky/zaney “day at the races” fashion type suits or waistcoat and buttonholes like a wedding party - just basic men’s clothes. Most women had formal-ish daywear - long floral dresses or nice skirt and top - not office wear or evening wear or loungewear. Nobody looked like they were wearing anything uncomfortable but people are so used to ultra comfy clothes that some people claim even anything with basic structure like a school shirt is uncomfortable or restrictive. I was wearing a stretchy top, and elasticated waist skirt and flat shoes but it was formal while being no less comfortable than joggers.

Rule for parents. Don't embarass your children in front of their friends and acquaintances. Wear the appropriate clothing if you know there's a dress code. You'll only have to do this once and it's not about you. His day, don't upset him from the outset. Congratulations to your son.

I’ve never been to one, but it’s a celebration of all the hard work your DC has put into the past several years. Take it as an opportunity to dress up, surely!

I agree it’s an occasion to dress up. Dress in the same way you would for a posh wedding.

We attended DSs graduation last week. Most of the male students wore suits and ties, most of the female students wore midi dresses - definitely all on the smarter side. From our experience, graduation is a BIG deal for this generation and they love to dress up. DS bought a new suit, shirt and tie which he'll be able to use for interviews/work etc
Attendees wore a range from suits and ties to jeans and trainers. I wore a red linen waistcoat/wide legged trousers suit (thanks Tu!) and DH wore a suit, shirt and no tie. My lovely 81 year old dad wore casual-ish trousers and smart trainers with a summer shirt. He's not known for getting dress codes right, and it's even harder since losing mum last year - but he was comfortable, looked smart and had the best day.

Fairly formal. Definitely not casual.

We recently had our DD's graduation ceremony - at a small modern uni.

I wore a smart jumpsuit equivalent to a summer dress (didnt' see any dresses I liked in the shops and none I had were suitable - I'm not a big dress wearer) and small kitten heels.

DH and DS (sibling) wore trousers, blazer and shirt - no ties. DS had dark trainers as he doesn't have smart shoes.

What parents wore really varied - some men wore suits and most women were in summer dresses or equivalent, but a few wore trousers and a smart top. Other men wore similarto DH but some did wear jeans and shirt.

I would say 'match' the smartness of your DC - if they're wearing a suit or nice dress/wear the equivlaent otherwise it will look odd in the photos. We knew DD would be wearing something a bit alternative so we didn't go mega-smart.

DS already knows he'll wear a suit to his graduation as he is at a more 'tradional' uni than DD was and we will 'match' his smartness.

I agree with this. I think it's a shame. It's a formal celebration. Smart casual should be the minimum. I would raise an eyebrow at jeans tbh.

Even if no one turned a hair I hope you still got the validation you need that you’re a cool mum, not one of those regular middle class mums.

Graduation outfits are quite wedding standard at our local University, but not hats. Women in nice smart summer dresses and men in suit and tie or open neck shirt and linen style jacket.
When I graduated we had to wear black or white or both. My parents and 16yo brother were formally dressed but that was 34 years ago

Its not every day you attend your child's graduation...dress up!

I’ve been to 3 graduations and live in a university city so we see lots of them going on and everyone dresses smart.

You’re right. Parents don’t need to be ultra smart or formal. But it looks much better if you are, and most other parents will be.

Thanks for all the replies.
By smart casual, I certainly don’t mean jeans or trainers! I don’t wear dresses or skirts- ever- , nor heels. My son wouldn’t recognise me if I turned up like that. I was planning on white trousers and a floaty top. That is formal for me and the kind of thing I would wear/ have worn for a summer wedding. The conversation with DH came about because we had seen on social media some videos of pro-Palestine protests at graduation ceremonies and when the cameras panned round the audience of parents, it was clear they weren’t all in formal, wedding type outfits by any means. Hence the debate.

White trousers and a floaty top with decent shoes and your hair done nicely sounds fine.

It is a bit of a shame that dressing up for an event is not a standard thing anymore.

Tough one.

I think I would get dressed, although my teenage mutant ninja turtle dressing gown is amazing.

We went quite formal for DS2’s graduation. They take lovely photos so so we wanted to look our best with him and we were so proud.

Not graduation, but another occasion when DS1 passed out of Phase 1 army training it was expected that people came smartly dressed. I bought a smart dress in the colour of his hat, DH wore his suit and DS2 had a shirt, tie, and smart trousers on. However, some people just turned up in jeans and looked like they’d made no effort at all. It made me quite sad for their sons actually.

The trousers and floaty top sound fine, @MimiGC You might want a wrap if you'll be outside for any length of time and the weather isn't heatwaving. Although UWE is a lot further south than me so probably warmer.
Have a lovely day when it comes.

I agree that it's a shame dressing up doesn't happen as much as it once did. Everyone used to have a 'Sunday best' outfit. As there are photos, I'd go for summer wedding attire/makeup. If I could avoid photos, it would be a normal day at the races.

I agree. I'm always part of the academic procession, and take care to dress pretty formally, with cap & gown over that. It's an important & meaningful occasion for my students and I want to recognise that by the way I dress. It's not about fashion - it's about respect for my students' achievements, and celebration with them.

I am a leggings and shorts person,
I wore a summer dress, wedding vibe type of thing.
my DS has worked so hard for his masters, I am showing him respect by wearing something appropriate,

buy a dress.

My grandson, who is 3 (4 this weekend -20th) is having his graduation from pre-school. My own 3 children, now adults didn't have this so as I am his grandma, its a first graduation, and I'm the only one - apart from my son, who is going, I will dress up, formally as this is a special occasion for my grandson, my son and myself. I will either wear a dress or a trouser suit - weather pending, but even if it was a uni graduation, I would dress smart - its a formal occasion - pride and respect. I wasn't able to attend my son's passing out ( same son with my grandson) from RN, due to Covid, but again I would have really dressed up for that occasion too.

I wore a dress - it was a very hot day - but I drew the line at heels. I wore trainers.

DH and I had to walk so far across campus, to and fro 3 times including returning robes, back for photos, going to the drinks reception.