AIBU to think parents don’t need to be ultra smart/ formal for graduation ceremonies?

[MimiGC]

Our son is graduating from UWE next week. He’s wearing a suit and tie, as are his friends. I think smart casual is fine for parents, but DH thinks formal wear for parents is required and is planning on wearing a suit and tie himself. Grateful for Mumsnetters experiences- who has been to a graduation ceremony recently and what were parents wearing?

My godson graduated from Durham about 10 days ago. My friend said there were a lot of ‘look at my fucking red trousers’ dads. 😂

There you go with the passive aggressive again. Why are you trying to make me feel this is some huge problem for any of us?

Why would you say jeans and DM’s are appropriate when they plainly are not?
I would also say that “Trousers and a top” covers a lot of ground, and not all trousers/top combinations would be suitable for the occasion.

A child (even as an adult) should not have to worry about what their parents are going to wear on their big days.
A parent should make an effort to not stand out in a bad way. The parent should care enough to find out, and to dress appropriately.

There will be people reading this who have never been to a graduation. It is smart, it is well groomed, and it has a level of stylishness. It’s actually quite shabby of you to say something is appropriate to wear when in fact it is more likely to leave both the parent and the child embarrassed.

Think the occasion deserves semi-formal wear. Its our sons tomorrow.

DH has a suit with a casual short sleeve jumper. I'm in a top and skirt that's formal enough.

His brother however will be in jeans and shirt as he's not into suits and I would not make him wear one.

I have been to 3, all parents dressed as if going to a garden party or wedding (but no hats). The dressy side of smart. It’s a nice family occasion, a celebration, why wouldn’t parents dress up?

Academic in the procession. I take it quite seriously - it’s an important moment for my students.

Dressing up is a sign of respect, isn’t it. It adds to gravitas.

A PP said she had worn jeans and docs and felt fine, others said they wore dresses, I said I’d wear trousers and a top but thought the other two options were fine, I can’t see what the problem is. I don’t think anyone but you would feel what someone’s relatives wear would make the “stand out in a bad way”. To me this sounds like you are massively insecure and uncomfortable in your own skin. The vast majority of people don’t think like this. I’d be mortified if I thought my mother had worried and changed what she wanted to wear to my graduation. I can’t honestly remember because what I remember is her coming all tge way to watch.

Google ‘what parents wear at graduations’. It (images) will give you a good idea. I googled it and no one is dressing like Ladies at Royal Ascot, even for Oxbridge.

In my book a graduation is a very special occasion and for special occasions I like to dress up. Some people like to dress the same for everything, sometimes thinking they make a statement, up to them. I agree with other posters making an effort to dress for the occasion (we all know what this means) is a sign of respect for the grad, the institution, the staff and ourselves.

On the subject of graduation ceremonies and dressing up something I would like to call out and asked to be stopped is the frankly immature, completely disrespectful and sometimes very upsetting political protests that are clearly occurring. To the very immature student who decided to go on stage wearing a Palestinian flag at my DDs ceremony and then parade around afterwards wearing a keffiyeh - please grow up and show some respect, go and do your protesting elsewhere and not on what is a very special, once in a lifetime, day for many.

People wear all sorts and i would always advise people to wear what they like. On the other hand, if you want to blend in, think smart-formal not party-formal. As part of the academic procession, under the gown I'd be wearing a smarter version of work wear - like when you go for an interview.

Dress up if it is within your means or you can borrow. Not if not.

I’d be mortified if I thought my mother had worried and changed what she wanted to wear to my graduation.

Would you be worried if one of your children felt mortified by your outfit but said nothing, because there is no talking to you?

Would you tell your child’s friend they were being ‘massively insecure’ if they said their parents stood out at their graduation by dressing down and they felt embarrassed?
No you wouldn’t.

Thr truth is that if you were genuinely asked by someone what to wear to their child’s graduation you would give the majority advice on here (more smart than casual; suit with or without a tie; think garden party/royals ‘daywear’) and you would not be an absolute cow and say “ oh those jeans and docs will be the same as most others, and who would notice you anyway?”

The “wear what you want” brigade (and it’s not the clueless; it’s the very much clued-up but think they’re speshul) do get noticed but not in the way they imagine.

One couple came to my nephew’s wedding in jeans and general, “Oh, we’re just so casual, us” attire. It just looked disrespectful and I know some will say, “But I care that people I loved came and I didn’t notice” etc etc but it’s exactly the same as if someone had worn a giant duck costume: it’s to seek attention.

It’s all very well to say your child won’t mind what you wear - they may not.
But a graduation is a group event, and there are hundreds of other people there.

Dressing to suit the occasion is a mark of respect to everyone else there, not just your child, showing that you acknowledge the importance and solemnity of the graduation ceremony. It’s a celebration of achievement and a big deal for many.

Marking the importance of an occasion through your clothing is something that has been going on across cultures for most of human history!
So if people think dress is unimportant it sends the message that the occasion is equally unimportant.

I don't think a jacket and tie for men is necessary by any means, but I also don't think your husband would look out of place if that's what he wears.

My child graduated from university a year ago and most of the audience were fairly nicely dressed but not particularly smart or formal. Some were just wearing shorts and t-shirts, which I also think is fine because as family members of the graduates you are just the audience and not involved in the ceremony. What you might want to think about it that you'll likely want to take pictures with your graduate afterwards, and how you would want to present yourself for that.

Would you tell your child’s friend they were being ‘massively insecure’ if they said their parents stood out at their graduation by dressing down and they felt embarrassed?
No you wouldn’t.
I absolutely would. If anyone told me they were ashamed of something so pathetic I would definitely tell them I thought they were unreasonable. And unpleasant just as I would if they expressed they were embarrassed by their parents accent, education etc. We obviously don’t share the same values. I think your views are very rigid and a bit “Hyacinth Bucket” but it takes all sorts and hopefully your children have met a variety of people and attitudes and will carry the best of what they see forward.

At the graduation of one of my children, there was one family who hadn’t dressed up. Dad was wearing jeans and a tshirt. They definitely stood out.

We dressed up we were going to a very nice restaurant following the ceremony with the parents of my sons partner. There were lots of photos taken. Sons girlfriend parents had also dressed up.

I didn't notice jeans, shorts or trainers but the hall was packed and very hot so a summer dress was perfect.

You think it is Hyacinth Bouquet to be appropriately dressed for an occasion? Perhaps you think that appropriately dressed doesn’t exist any more? How about behaving appropriately, does that exist?

This is not at all the same as the parents’ accent or eduction. And I say that as an immigrant to a country where I started learning the language from zero and still make mistakes. They are totally not the same.

Additionally, as an immigrant, you bet my kids are friends with all sorts of people, with a variety of backgrounds and experiences. One of the things they are very very good at differentiating is people who make a mistake because they don’t know any better, and those who make a faux pas deliberately with the aim of belittling someone (even their child!) whilst retaining the plausible deniability of pretending not to know.

Lastly, your choice not to reply to my last paragraph is noted.

I probably missed your last paragraph. I’m sure you are very well dressed and hope you are happy and your children feel proud of you on their graduation day. You live in a very different way to me, and I think that’s fine.

My work backs on to a graduation venue and people are all dressed very much as you’d dress for a wedding or Royal Garden Party (minus hats)

Husband wore suit and tie and I wore fancier dress than usual, many parents there looked fancier than we did!

Same - also currently a lecturer. You wouldn't be turned away for wearing jeans, but it does look out of place, for better or worse.

A graduation is not a wear what you like event.

It's a celebration of years of hard work by every single person who walks across the stage to collect their degree.

It's massively disrespectful to them all to turn up having not made an effort - at minimum a suit for men and smart dress/ trousers and tops for women or, as is often the case, the cultural equivalent for overseas students.

Not quite a uni graduation but we’ll have dd’s passing out parade in September for the Royal Navy and that’s very formal in their no 1s for the recruits. DH plans on wearing a suit and I’m wearing this dress with smart shoes
https://www.crewclothing.co.uk/womens/clothing-and-accessories/womens-dresses-and-skirts/summer-cap-sleeve-dress-blue-wwj062/?sku_s=1325812&country=GB&currency=GBP&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=GOOGLE&utm_campaign=Google-Shopping-B-Prospecting-Control&utm_content=text&utm_term=&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=19815069286&gbraid=0AAAAAD3mUSO8afqhW9VA0N0wx32ASReX7&gclid=EAIaIQobChMInKeY1Km_jgMVaJlQBh1dUy49EAQYAyABEgJWhvD_BwE