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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what ridiculous things people have said to you in pregnancy/parenthood?

156 replies

GreeneryGrass · 14/07/2025 21:00

Baby #2 is due imminently and I'd blissfully forgotten about all the unsolicited comments you receive when pregnant / as a parent of a baby. What are some things you were told or criticised on?

Here's one of my favourites - when a (childless at the time) friend asked how I planned to feed my first baby and I said formula feed (lots of reasons for this, including mental health - very glad I did this), she told me the old chestnut "breast is best", to which I responded "fed is best!" And she disagreed. Then she went on to have a baby, breastfed then stopped quickly after as it damaged her mental health. Has clearly forgotten our chat as she tells every parent we see she's a "huge advocate for feeding your baby how ever you need, fed is best". Glad she's had growth but wish it hadn't been after belittling me!

OP posts:
Bringyourfoldingchair · 14/07/2025 21:09

When I was around 8 months pregnant my mil looked at me and said "you're a large size". Completely out of nowhere...

Pleatherandlace · 14/07/2025 21:15

I was surprised by how
many people asked me if my third pregnancy was a “mistake”?! My step mother told
me
sje was surprised I’d chosen to have three children because of “the environment”. Interestingly her concern for the environment does not stop her from taking multiple long haul flights though.

Yesyouknowit · 14/07/2025 21:16

“Friend”

Sure, sounds like two people who genuinely care for and like each other!

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 14/07/2025 21:18

when I was around 8 months pregnant I got told I was both ‘massive’ and ‘tiny’ within about 5 minutes. Two different people - I think sometimes people just say things for the sake of saying something!

Pickone · 14/07/2025 21:19

A man once tried to touch my bump and when I asked him not to he told me I "wouldn't be a good mother with an attitude like that".

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 14/07/2025 21:20

My dm:

”You’re just the vessel for my grandchild”

”If you decide to abort the baby, don’t. Let me know and I’ll adopt it.”

Shes got better though with me second thankfully.

My grandmother during my first pregnancy spent ever time I saw her going on and on AND ON about a baby in the family who was stillborn. Whilst it’s a horrible thing to happen I did not need it discussed as constantly as it was during such an anxious time for me.

Ramblingaway · 14/07/2025 21:22

Being told by the midwife I was wetting myself when I'd had no incontinence at all in my pregnancy. Needless to say, my waters had broken. 12 hours later, back in hospital and all of a sudden this is massively important piece of information and why didn't I say so earlier.

Original poster
GreeneryGrass · 14/07/2025 21:24

Ramblingaway · 14/07/2025 21:22

Being told by the midwife I was wetting myself when I'd had no incontinence at all in my pregnancy. Needless to say, my waters had broken. 12 hours later, back in hospital and all of a sudden this is massively important piece of information and why didn't I say so earlier.

Edited

That's terrifying she didn't know that!

OP posts:
TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 14/07/2025 21:25

I had HG, and was just barely keeping hydrated enough with meds.

Midwife said it was "best to stop if I could". Meds had no negative side effects, whereas I was at high risk for pre-eclampsia, which I eventually did contract.

I swear some midwives are just out to get pregnant women suffering.

Ezesonfire · 14/07/2025 21:25

About 6 months after having my baby, a colleague of mine (around 20 years older than me) asked when I’d be having my second. I said there would be no sibling. She said I was cruel leaving them to be an only child.

Thankfully she retired a few months later!

andthat · 14/07/2025 21:25

My baby was poorly and had to go into hospital weekly. It was a horrendously stressful time and I was shell shocked. A friend told me ‘oh my god, if you think it’s tough now, just wait until they get older!’
I was traumatised by that comment.. as a new mum with a child with medical needs I was barely coping.. and the thought of this being the easy oart nearly sent me under!! Now I look back and think what a stupid and insensitive thing to say to a parent with an ill child.

yellowponyclub · 14/07/2025 21:26

There were a few but the one I always remember was about my six week old baby: “she’s clearly bored, you are not giving her enough stimulation”.

The sad thing is when I think back to my first child, I just took all the advice and believed people knew what they were talking about. Thankfully with my second I had more confidence to follow my own instincts.

Binfire · 14/07/2025 21:27

All of my 3 children arrived 2+ weeks late and the number of people who said ‘haven’t you had that baby yet?’ to me was incredible.

I know they were kidding and making conversation but it made me so unreasonably furious, as though they thought I’d forgotten to give birth and was enjoying being as big as a fecking house.

BarrageMarroon · 14/07/2025 21:31

I wouldn’t pay any attention to any child-free friend who commented on parenting or gave me advice. I was probably full of shit opinions and received wisdom before I had any too.

For me, it’s the breast-feeding zealots. I tried, I couldn’t, it just didn’t happen, so I went for the next best thing. DD was fed and healthy, but unsolicited opinions made me feel like a total failure.

andthat · 14/07/2025 21:32

BarrageMarroon · 14/07/2025 21:31

I wouldn’t pay any attention to any child-free friend who commented on parenting or gave me advice. I was probably full of shit opinions and received wisdom before I had any too.

For me, it’s the breast-feeding zealots. I tried, I couldn’t, it just didn’t happen, so I went for the next best thing. DD was fed and healthy, but unsolicited opinions made me feel like a total failure.

It wasn’t the ‘next best thing’ @BarrageMarroon, it was the best thing for you and your child and other opinions on the matter are irrelevant. I’m sorry that it made you feel like a failure.

BarrageMarroon · 14/07/2025 21:34

andthat · 14/07/2025 21:32

It wasn’t the ‘next best thing’ @BarrageMarroon, it was the best thing for you and your child and other opinions on the matter are irrelevant. I’m sorry that it made you feel like a failure.

Show quote history

Fair comment, and a poor choice of words on my part.

TooHotNeedToCoolDown · 14/07/2025 21:34

Very pregnant and having a health check with nurse, her asking me if I was retaining water, swollen ankles etc. then she said oo you are I can see it in your face... i get that she was thinking high blood pressure, it runs in the family, but I left thinking great I have a fat face....

BackThen8878 · 14/07/2025 21:37

I was 12 weeks pregnant. A man, a mate of my DH, said to me in response to me saying how sick I've been so far and how I can't even leave the house much: "but being pregnant is so magical, none of that really matters".

I hate him. I can't explain how belittling it felt.

It's been over a year and I refused to even invite him to my birthday. Twat.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 14/07/2025 21:39

Exdp's mum was dying when I was induced with dd, we promised her as soon as we were released from hospital we would bring dd to visit. The nurse at the hospital told me I wasn't allowed to take her out the house til she was 12 weeks old and had had her vaccines. I laughed and told her inwas having a baby not a puppy but she was deadly serious.

andthat · 14/07/2025 21:40

BarrageMarroon · 14/07/2025 21:34

Fair comment, and a poor choice of words on my part.

Show quote history

Not at all. Just hope that looking back you don’t have those feelings anymore, however you fed your child is absolutely the right way for you both.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 14/07/2025 21:41

Wait til they are teenagers, that's when it gets hard!

(What a stupid thing to say to someone with a small child. When I heard that I just assumed they were an incompetent person who was lucky enough to have an easy child and couldn't cope when a real personality kicked in)

At least you know where they are!
(See above).

Sure it's easy when you've only one!
(Completely relative, depends on which one you've got! Stupid comment)

To a pg woman: Enjoy the lie ins, you'll never have them again.
(Why point out the negatives,.most expectant mothers worry about this)

BoredZelda · 14/07/2025 21:42

Baby born by emergency c-section at 29 weeks.

”Aren’t you glad you didn’t go through this” - Midwife in the labour ward where I was having my 6 week check up and another woman was going through early labour.

”Lucky you missing the third trimester” - community nurse checking my c-section scar.

”Ok, let’s see this lovely baby then” - first visit from health visitor when my baby was still in NNICU and I’d only been home for 2 days.

”God, you look awful” - my brother in-law who came to the house to cut my hair because I hadn’t been to a hairdresser in months due to the hectic nature of the last few weeks of my pregnancy and daughter being in NNiCU. I looked awful because I was anaemic having lost so much blood during surgery.

People are shit, but some people just don’t care!

MidnightPatrol · 14/07/2025 21:43

I’m always surprised by how many people ask if it was planned.

Adult, married, toddler etc… and a random person at work or family member will say “was this baby planned then?”

Just… why do you want to know?

Dontlletmedownbruce · 14/07/2025 21:45

'Just adopt then?' Said by a friend after I told her about my miscarriage. It still shocks me but I suspect it's one of those stupid things you say that you cringe about afterwards.

VickyEadieofThigh · 14/07/2025 21:48

Binfire · 14/07/2025 21:27

All of my 3 children arrived 2+ weeks late and the number of people who said ‘haven’t you had that baby yet?’ to me was incredible.

I know they were kidding and making conversation but it made me so unreasonably furious, as though they thought I’d forgotten to give birth and was enjoying being as big as a fecking house.

I can't believe you didn't reply with something like "Oh, blimey - I clean forgot to give birth!"