To ask what ridiculous things people have said to you in pregnancy/parenthood?

[GreeneryGrass]

Baby #2 is due imminently and I'd blissfully forgotten about all the unsolicited comments you receive when pregnant / as a parent of a baby. What are some things you were told or criticised on?

Here's one of my favourites - when a (childless at the time) friend asked how I planned to feed my first baby and I said formula feed (lots of reasons for this, including mental health - very glad I did this), she told me the old chestnut "breast is best", to which I responded "fed is best!" And she disagreed. Then she went on to have a baby, breastfed then stopped quickly after as it damaged her mental health. Has clearly forgotten our chat as she tells every parent we see she's a "huge advocate for feeding your baby how ever you need, fed is best". Glad she's had growth but wish it hadn't been after belittling me!

8 months after my twin sons died at birth I conceived again, it was very difficult and a close family member said to me "at least now you can stop talking about the others, it makes people awkward"

That one hurt. Made me realise how little she understood about the lifelong grief with the death of a child.

This is absolutely shocking, I'm so sorry.

I didn't want to tell anyone I was pregnant with my 4th until after the 20 week scan as I was 42 and it was unplanned (and my 4th pregnancy). I expected family to say shit like "are you sure you want to go through with it? How will you cope? Etc"
I explicitly didn't want any stupid comments off my step dad who used to make jokes about smashing my husbands testicles between 2 bricks to give him a diy vasectomy. My mum ended up dying when I was 16 weeks so I never got to tell her.

My kids all have big gaps, my oldest is 19 my youngest 4 months. I always anticipate people assuming they have different dads (often people think my oldest is my youngest dad)

Absolutely doesn't in a lot of cases!

Comments from women of another (Mediterranean) culture:

‘If you swim when pregnant your bones will open and you’ll lose the baby.’

‘If you keep on carrying the toddler when pregnant, your baby will be born with a broken arm.’

After the baby’s arrival: ‘You got that for a GIRL??’ (Re a lovely ring dh had just bought me.)

and, ‘You must cover her face with a blanket when taking her out after dark!’
(Apparently to keep evil spirits away!)

Later, ‘You MUST take the nappies off now!’ (When dd was just 12 months.)

When I was pregnant with my oldest is was young and didn't know what to expect. I got a sarky nurse say to another "they expect a written invitation " when I wasn't sure how the blood test system worked at the hospital and didn't go in the correct place or something. A consultant rolled eyes at me when I went to an appointment and didn't know what it was for so suggested it was because my dad died young of a heart attack ( meaning they didn't know if I had inherited anything dodgy from him)
The midwife when I gave birth told me off for screaming as my very large headed son crowned. I tore badly and was in the 7th layer of hell gor a brief moment so screamed as he came out, I heard her through my screams saying "no need to scream!"

My DH has a twin sister. Whenever it comes up in conversation with people we don't know, the first question is always 'are you identical?'. Lovely DH just patiently says 'no'.

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve heard “ I couldn’t do it “ about looking after my disabled child , as if there’s any choice !

ive also had people openly say it must be because I had her at 37 - there’s less than 100 people in the world with her disorder , and lots of older mums out there so no I don’t think so , it’s an inherited genetic disease nothing to do with the mums age , but thanks !

I was told when pregnant I shouldn’t wear black as it would harm the baby!

“You’re being a drama queen - Braxton Hicks don’t hurt” said by a childless friend - well actually they’re bloody uncomfortable at times, so butt out!

The breastfeeding zealots got to me. I tried with my first, but I couldn't produce much milk (health visitor told me that was rubbish), they told me I had to keep going. I stopped after 3 weeks and my MH had deteriorated (it seemed to bring on a hormonal reaction where I became very depressed). Before having my 2nd, I researched the drug I've been on my whole adult life. In the papers published about it, not only did they say it causes a lack of milk production but that you should not breastfeed while taking it as it is passed to the baby and can cause liver problems for them.

Four weeks after having my first daughter, my mum said I was fat. 17 years and that still stings, she still makes comments about my weight now but I tend to ignore her completely. 2 kids later, married to my best friend in the world and in my mid forties. No longer care what she thinks

“What will you do if this one also has Down Syndrome?” As in will I keep or terminate my pregnancy - asked by someone I had met about 5 mins earlier, while my beautiful little girl with Down syndrome was right beside me. Prick.

I have another one from now! If i have one more person ask me when my date is to go into hospital (i have to have a c-section) i think I might implode. They ask me as if I've forgotten about it or have forgotten to ask? As if i have forgotten I'm due to have imminent major surgery!! Am i stressed that I should know my section date by now but need confirmation? No, I'm actually quite chilled about it right now! But are the constant questions and reminders about how i should know by now actually the parts that are stressing me out? Yes! Please stop asking me, I haven't forgotten! I'm starting to understand why some people don't tell anyone their induction or section dates, i am so drained by the pressure.

My mum this week, to me and my sister (both emergency sections at 7cm/8cm) I’m currently pregnant- you went for the easy route and didn’t have real labour like me, I done the hard work!

Slightly different for me but my 4th baby was born with a cleft lip and had to have multiple operations. With all his operations i had family members constantly asking if i had a date yet. With his first operation it was obvious he was going to need an operation so i had complete strangers peering into the pram and asking me when he was going to have an operation to "fix him". Also so many people were shocked that the midwife wouldn't just sew up his lip in the delivery room. Which i thought was an insult to ds's highly skilled surgeon who has so far taken 10 hours over 3 operations to get ds looking as he does. Several people were shocked that i had taken ds out of the house before his lip repair operation and even more people disapprove of the photo we proudly display of him taken just before his first operation.

Much less distressing than some of these, so sorry some of you have had such insensitive comments at difficult times. But my personal favourite is 'enjoy every minute'... Does anybody actually enjoy changing pooey nappies? Or waking up every 2 hours all night?

@elliejjtiny you have every right to display photos of your beautiful little one at any point in their life, regardless of how they looked at that time! Some people are just too difficult to understand. Nobody had entitlement to ask when the surgeries would be happening, it's something that is of course on your radar, you haven't forgotten magically since you were last asked! Honestly, we'll never understand everybody's way of thinking!

I had a few, one (childless) friend asked if I thought giving ff a dummy would make dd more likely to be a smoker when she’s older

I also mentioned to another childless friend when dd was 5/6yo that I was taking her to macdonalds for a treat and she looked at me and said when I have children they won’t ever go in a macdonalds and I certainly wouldn’t call it a treat 🙈😂

🤣 I bet that same second childless friend also plans to give her children only wooden toys and will ensure her child hasn't seen a screen up until their 10th birthday 🤣 nothing wrong with a McDonald's treat now and then!

Having just one child is risky. If anything God forbid happens and i loose my child, i will have no one and could end up with no kids when i get old. It stuck with me and always terrifies me

"You don't want to breastfeed love, you won't be able to go anywhere"

A student doctor asked me when I got the burns on my very pregnant belly. They were stretch marks from my previous pregnancy 😳

This was many years ago when I was expecting my DD in 1983. Made by my MIL who had form for inappropriate/stupid remarks. Apparently the reason I was suffering from such awful morning (all day) sickness was because I had the heating turned up too high, in the middle of December. Righty ho.