To ask what ridiculous things people have said to you in pregnancy/parenthood?

[GreeneryGrass]

Baby #2 is due imminently and I'd blissfully forgotten about all the unsolicited comments you receive when pregnant / as a parent of a baby. What are some things you were told or criticised on?

Here's one of my favourites - when a (childless at the time) friend asked how I planned to feed my first baby and I said formula feed (lots of reasons for this, including mental health - very glad I did this), she told me the old chestnut "breast is best", to which I responded "fed is best!" And she disagreed. Then she went on to have a baby, breastfed then stopped quickly after as it damaged her mental health. Has clearly forgotten our chat as she tells every parent we see she's a "huge advocate for feeding your baby how ever you need, fed is best". Glad she's had growth but wish it hadn't been after belittling me!

I had an emergency section, sepsis and a pph. My milk never came in - not a drop. I tried and tried on the postnatal ward, with no access to feeding support as it was lockdown. The hospital insisted on me giving formula eventually, my poor baby was so hungry by that point. Even when I was eventually discharged I kept trying, attaching myself to the various different pumps we bought to try every 2 hours and basically sobbing non stop for the first weeks of my baby’s life. I tried an (online and extortionate) consultation with a lactation consultant, no help. I really really tried.

I dont think I could talk about it without crying till DC was 2 or more. When she was about 6 months I was attending a PND support group and theyd arranged for a doula and self styled maternal mental health expert to talk to us, she asked us in turn what we were struggling most with and when I related the above, still visibly upset, she said ‘oh well you mustnt blame yourself too much, lots of women give up’.

I didn’t bloody give up, I fed my baby in the only way that was available to me.

The random strangers who'd argue with me about my due date.

Funnily enough I was right and knew the difference between 6 months and 12 months (and the scans were right that there was only one swimming around in all that amniotic fluid)

"Pregnancy's not an illness"
Sometimes it does a fucking good impression of it!

I had my two relatively close together, so DD1 was barely walking when I was in early pregnancy. My neighbour (who had found out I was pregnant accidentally when we bumped into each other in the midwives office) told me quite seriously I shouldn't be picking up my toddler anymore...
I'm not sure what I was supposed to do, let her crawl down the street after me?

I was also told by my HV that I shouldn't be sending the children to the local school, that parents "of my class" usually send them to a village school 10 miles away.... that isn't exactly how the state system works!

Someone tried to touch my bump and when I said “please don’t do that” she burst into tears!

People are batshit.

Another parent, in the school playground, after I’d had my 3rd ds, and in front of the other two “Oh my goodness! 3 boys! I expect you were hoping for a girl?”

When i was pregnant with ds1 and proudly showing off my ultrasound scan photo as you do, someone told me off and said i shouldn't be showing photos of my baby when he didn't have clothes on!

After my older 3 dc were all late, dc4 surprised us all by being born early and spending 4 weeks in the neonatal unit. When i was pregnant with dc5 the "haven't you had that baby yet?" rubbish started when i was 30 weeks pregnant.

I was told by a friendthat my baby was going to be ENORMOUS because I had such a large bump. Told me about so-and-so whose bump was about my size and baby was nearly 12lb. And then proceeded to detail the risk of baby getting stuck and forceps delivery. Totally terrified me. Told me this every time I saw them for the last three months of the pregnancy.

Baby was born, just 7 lb 3oz. Turned out the bump was mostly water and other stuff. Not some giant creature I was about to spawn!

In response to my comment about not being able to sleep in the middle of a heatwave, heavily pregnant, with a baby using my insides like a kickboxing ring and a toddler who seemed to despise sleep - "well, you'd better make sure you get sleep now, it'll be the last of it you get for a while!". Ah, helpful. I'll just change the weather and the activity level of an unborn baby. Didn't think of that.

The first time I managed to leave the house alone after having my first DC, for literally a ten minute walk, a neighbour stopped me and said "At least you know where your child is. Mine's 16 and I have no idea where she is or who she's with". It was such a terrible thing to hear when overwhelmed with a crushing sense of What the Hell have I Done and just being terrified for the future.

Friend trying for baby no.2, saying that she’d nearly welcome a miscarriage because “everyone else has had one, so just to get it over with”.

She has two kids. I have one. We’ve both had 2 pregnancies. A miscarriage is a missing child. She still doesn’t understand that now…

"At least you know you can get pregnant" (after one of many miscarriages).
"Of course after you adopt you'll get pregnant" (I didn't want any more miscarriages so was on an implant).

I completely get this. My 4th baby was born with a severe cleft lip and palate so i couldn't feed him. The amount of people who said that "only 1% of mums can't breastfeed you know" didn't help and nor did the dr who questioned why i didn't try harder.

"Chocolate is bad for the baby, and you shouldn't be eating nuts." - older colleague when I was eating a Snickers bar whilst pregnant.

"But that's a girls' blanket" - stranger in the supermarket who told me off for using a lilac blanket for my baby boy.

"Is it because you're Catholic?" - midwife who wanted to know why I didn't want to have the downs' syndrome blood test when pregnant with my first.

This is mad! It's frightening that a nurse could give such terrible advice.

A GP told me my baby didn't need any vitamin D. Not sure how these people pass their medical training.

Yes same here! We had a dog trainer over when I was pregnant with my first and she wouldn’t stop going on about how big I was, and how small she’d been will all her pregnancies. Went into work the next day and my DM told me I looked ‘cute and tiny’…

Told MIL that I was pregnant, we'd been married for 8 years but, in my mother's words, were enjoying life too much to bother with babies, we were living abroad, and MIL's first words learning her first grandchild was on the way asked How will you manage his meals when you're in hospital!
When we told her about number 2 when number 1 was about 14 months old she said Oh, you're like bloody rabbits!
I got some odd reactions from other women. We were involved in a sailing club and after I stopped sailing at 6 months I ran all the races and a major regatta and many of the other women didn't like that at all, I shouldn't be making it look so easy but the truth was I was one of those lucky people who was never as well as when she was pregnant! I really miss that glossy hair and clear skin!

I was pregnant with my first and walked into the labour ward to be admitted when the midwife told me I had a massive bump and was going to have a hard time of it as I was so little. Yeah thanks for that love.

When I was struggling to breastfeed my first baby on a bench in a park as you do when you're desperate and your baby is starving - this old lady came up to me and observed how this was clearly my first baby. I remember feeling like such a failure.

Ahh, you obviously should have dressed the foetus in prebirth baby wear like all mums do...😄

As well as the above, ‘you’re not planning to breastfeed are you, with those?’ I assume they were referring to my a cups by the way they cupped their hands to their chest. I’ve now successfully breast fed two children for a total of over 3 years and counting.

I totally get it. I'm sorry you felt like that, that's how I felt too. I'm glad the person I mentioned in the post has grown, but they cut me really deep with the belief I wasn't giving my child the best.

"You're supposed to feel badly, you're in labour," said to me by a midwife when I actually had a uterine infection and pre-eclampsia and shortly after that, sepsis. Yes pet but I'm not meant to feel like I'm actively dying!

"I'll do it the easy way next time- like you did," said a dickhead who is no longer my friend after the uterine infection and pre-eclampsia and sepsis lead to an emergency c-section. She looks down on c-sections. Dickhead.

At some drinks in the City before my first mat leave a young childfree man asked earnestly how I was going to spend my year off. Perheis I could write a book or learn a language ?! Worse I was so clueless I nodded along and pondered what I would do that year.

Then my high maintenance non sleeping baby was actually born I wasn’t able to read a sodding book let alone write one!!!

I was told that I was "massive...I assume you're having two"

I was until I miscarried a twin baby in the second trimester.

I burst into tears while she smirked about 'pregnancy hormones". Cow

Honestly I was gobsmacked. It did prey on my mind though cos about 3 mins before finally having dd i stopped pushing and demanded the midwife hovering around my vagina told me if the other nurse was right. She looked at me like I had 2 heads and then very stoic said "darling you're having a baby not a bloody puppy".

Mind I also had the HV from hell. I was on morphine patches prior to finding out i was pregnant, I needed to be back on it once I had given birth. Unfortunately they cross the barrier so using them meant I couldn't bf. HV berated me endlessly for not bf. Dd was gaining weight fine. But hv put a mark on the wrong week in the red book and announced that inwas clearly over feeding dd and she needed to go on a diet...she was 4 weeks old!!! A friend who had her dd about 2 days after me bf and both girls tracked at roughly the same weights etc. We had same hV, she was lauded as some sort of messiah for her successful bf but I was treated like a criminal.

At my 6 week post partum check up I burst into tears on the gp. He was fab, he filed an official complaint about her told me not to let her back in my house again. He gave me a huge hug and arranged for me to be seen at the surgery with his team so I was still monitored (was at high risk of pnd)
. He checked dd over and praised her progress.

When is your baby due? - when the baby was in the pushchair in front of me.