Wife work - no thanks

[whistlesandbells]

Quiet small victories of showing up for yourself in a relationship. DH ‘suggested’ that he goes out to the cinema with his 17 year old son 2 days after his mother arrives from overseas for a two week visit. I said absolutely not: your mother, you invited, you entertain. I really like my MIL btw.

The following week I am traveling with our shared 2-year old alone and he has that week to do all this undisturbed and no house guest.
There is no way I would invite my mother to visit then go out and leave him to it. 🤯 The expectations on women are wild.

I don’t see how this is a big feminist win or woman’s work?

I’d sit and have a few hours with my MIL so my husband could go out with our child for a few hours. I don’t really understand this?

bollocks.

His mother is arriving - he stays at home and entertains her all the time.

Anything else is rude to his mother and to his wife.

Exactly! MN would be up in arms if you suggested this.

OP YANBU at all.

Is he bored already, yanbu.

I did say no. They are now going the following week at a time that suits all, not only them.

Good for you, OP. Ignore the naysayers. They are the same people who make utter martyrs of themselves and then complain that 'all men are shit'.

Eh no. It's his visitor so he entertains. He can take his mum with him!

The zombie apocalypse film is less than 2 hours long. You’d barely be done getting your little one to bed and they’d be home again.

Do you really feel the need to “entertain” your 85 year old MIL at 8/8.30pm after putting your kid to bed? You’re family. Surely your sat in front of the TV having a cup of tea or something. Is your DH not going to leave you alone with your MiL at all for 2 weeks?

& people saying the reverse would never happen…it absolutely does. I go out and leave me DH with my Mum all the time! We’re family! It really doesn’t have to be a “wife work feminist statement” if you manage a pleasant family dynamic where spending time with the family you married into is seen as a chore to endure.

Not 'our' child. His child, the OP's stepson. You honestly don't see why the OP would have a problem with what he proposed?

You think the Mil wants to go to bed at 7pm? 🤔😂

Surely that makes it even more understandable since presumably her DH’s son lives with his mother?

& no spending an hour alone with your MIL at one point during her 2 week long visit to your home shouldn’t really be something anyone should have a huge problem with.

It's like a different world out there.

I don't even get on with my MIL particularly and this wouldn't bother me. If he went off for a couple of nights, that would be a no as it would be rude all round but a film in the evening? Not a problem.

I think there's genuine things to stand up for and I think there's looking for issues. For me, this is the latter.

You are not wrong so don't be led into thinking that OP. It's one thing if it's a film premiere that he can't miss because it's only on the one night, but if it's something he could've done any other time then I don't see why he MUST go when he initially suggested.

Yes that works for you but not for me. Not after arriving less than 48 hours before to go to a non essential trip that could be done any time the following week.

And we are family, so why not ask why DH doesn’t want to see his mother who has travelled here to see him and entertain her. Why teach son that this issue how you go about things.

We do not live in a mansion, I cannot retire to the other wing and leave MIL to it - that’s rude. I have things to do in the evening, probably like work, or whatever I want. Why the default assumption that it’s fine for me to give up my time? And I repeat, I never did, or would expect, my partner to entertain my house guest (family or not)

Good for you! My father used to do this to my mother all the time, invite his mother then piss off to play golf or whatever. Mum and his mother hated each other so no idea why Dad thought this was a good idea. No way I’d stand for it.

Why not suggest that his mother takes DSS to the cinema for some grandparent bonding time over zombie apocalypses? Your DH can put the 2yo to bed as you'll be away with them the week after, and you can go out and catch up with friends 😂.

Maybe he hoped that he'd come home to find that one had eaten the other 😅?

Well, I suppose some of us are handmaidens who are willing to bend to mens' every whim and some of us aren't. Good on OP for making a stand as we all should whenever we are subjected to mens' thoughtless selfishness
Bailing on your elderly mother on day 2 of a two week visit is just not on.

Oh I see it’s “his son”! Bet this wouldn’t be an issue if he was going to the cinema with YOUR son

It’s not about entertaining MIL by OP.

Surely if you invite somebody the sole purpose is to spend time with them and not FO to cinema or elsewhere?
It’s hugely disrespectful to MIL- she comes to visit her son who decided that his mother is less important than cinema screening (which can be postponed).

Hi mum,nice to see you, here’s your DGC and DIL,I’m off,see you later!

Priorities and basic manners.

”D”H is being thoughtless or rude here

It's his mother too. Why would she want to talk to OP when she's travelled to visit her son?

The cinema can happen the next week as OP says and sounds like MIL is not capable of being left alone.

so you are saying it is the DHs right to take his DS to the cinema having invited his mother to stay and expect the OP to entertain her.

yeah. Stuff this misogynistic clap trap.

if MIL needs company and DH invited her then it’s up to him to manage his time between mother and son. Not wifey

👍👍

And that's how it's done.

Brilliant! :D

The expectations on women…

Jesus he just wanted to go to the cinema.
You are being very unreasonable. Is he not allowed to go anywhere or do anything without his mother doing her stay? Is he not allowed to ask you to do anything for her/with her etc