"And it certainly isn’t clear cut divided between men and women."
It is very clear cut between who is a male person and who is a female person.
You seem confused and you keep slipping back to using 'women' and 'men' when the legitimate discrimination available to exclude male people is based on sex. Which is very clear cut. And I provided you with a definition which you didn't bother to acknowledge my reply.
"One identifies as a man and has lost his penis, the other has felt so strongly aligned with being a woman all their life that they have gone through a dangerous and sometimes orgasm banishing surgery to ensure their physical body matches how they feel inside."
Can you explain how a male person who has never been a female person knows that what they feel is 'female'.
No male person can ever experience life as a woman. They can only ever experience life as a male person who believes they are a woman.
Even when they 'act' like a woman, they are acting as they believe a 'woman' should act. Which is an act of misogyny by the way.
Even if they are treated 'as a woman' by some people, they are being treated as a 'male who presents as a woman and believes they are a woman'. Because their every reaction is based on that. Not on them being female in any way.
Even when they have extreme body modifications, it is to be their own concept of what a female looks like to them. It is not what a female is.
How can it be?
The only way a person can experience life as a woman, is to have a female body, formed around the production of large gametes, even if it doesn't produce those and to navigate their life based on the decisions they and society makes that revolve around them having that body.
And no male can have that body, not matter what chemicals or surgeries they have.
A male can conceptualise what it might be like to be a female, but that is all it ever is - their concept of being female.
They may do it because they don't feel they fit into how they conceptualise how a male person interacts with the world (ie. their own stereotypes around being male) or they do it because they want to be seen as a female (using their own stereotypes of how a female navigates life). It really doesn't matter though. Their motivation is irrelevant to the outcome. And I consider the outcome can only be described as misogyny.
Which is that they will always be just a male who believes they are something they are objectively not.
How can the material reality be any different?
The logic cannot be any different than that I am afraid.