To refuse to let my MIL bring her own kettle when she visits?

[BiscuitHammer]

Bit of a silly one maybe but it’s causing actual rows so here goes.

MIL is coming to stay for the weekend (joy) and she’s announced she’s bringing her own kettle because apparently ours “tastes funny”. I genuinely don’t know what that even means?? It’s just a normal Breville one from Argos. She says she can “taste the plastic” and it “ruins tea” which is ridiculous because we’ve had it over a year and no one else has ever complained.

I told her she’s being dramatic and she got in a strop. DH is now saying I should just let her bring it to keep the peace but I think it’s rude. Like sorry but turning up at someone’s house with your own appliances is a bit much isn’t it? What next, her own toaster? Portable shower?

I get she’s particular about tea (she only drinks loose leaf and swears PG Tips gives her headaches) but still. We’re not a bloody hotel.

AIBU to put my foot down and tell her to use ours or not bother?

(For context she also once brought her own pillow and sugar. Make of that what you will.)

Yeah, it's annoying, but as others have said, just let her get on with it.

It doesn't matter, just let her bring it. Some people are more sensitive to these things than others.

And hundreds of people take their own pillows to places. You are being very overly-dramatic. Is there another reason why you are letting this bother you so much?

I'd let her bring it and eye roll to myself, but I'd shut down any further comment about your tea/kettle. Yes it's weird, but as pps say, is this the hill you want to die on? Try and be more laid back with them, the irritations will wash over you more easily if you don't care as much. Good luck!

Short of standing over her and supervising her packing, I don't think you can 'refuse to let her bring her kettle.' You can refuse to use it once she's there, of course, but for the sake of patronising her, I'd let her use it. It might be that she finds your water tastes different to hers, but that's going to be the same whichever kettle she uses (as she will find out).

She's probably tasting the difference between soft and hard water tbh. If she's such a princess and the pea she can bring a kettle as doubt it'll make a jot of difference.

Tbh I have an old Ladybird book of that fairytale and might just passive aggressively leave it on her brought from home pillow 😉
But I'm of the age where idgaf

I hate drinking tea boiled in an electric kettle. It tastes very unpleasant to me, so I am with your MIL on this one. What is the harm in letting her bring her own kettle? It’s not inconveniencing you in any way.

How is it causing actual rows? Who is rowing?

This is fairly standard fare from my inlaws who bring all sorts of stuff even if they are just popping in for an hour.
I'd let her do it (while inwardly rolling my eyes!)

That's hilarious really though. Don't stop her being stubborn, it's entertaining. Take a photo of her using her personal kettle and pop it in your family album to laugh about with the kids. That's how manage my eccentric relatives habits. I wonder if I live in a sitcom sometimes.

I would not make a fuss about an own kettle. However difficult your MIL is about things in general.

She either feels strongly enough about the kettle to bring her own or she’s trying to create an issue, either way let her crack on. She can make the drinks that weekend.

I like to take my own pillow when I’m staying away, when it’s practical, not when the luggage allowance is at a premium 😆 I don’t think that’s particularly weird.

I would want her to bring it so I could do a blind side by side taste test. For science.

Let her bring it.

boil your kettle whenever you make the tea... don't tell her, see if she can tell

You're offended that she doesn't like your KETTLE - really? Why?!

What actual difference does it make if she brings her own? Chances are it's actually the water that tastes different, but plastic does leach, so she may have a point.

I couldn't get het up about it. Shrug and let her crack on - making a big deal or saying no would make you look ridiculous.

As for pillows - lots of people are particular about pillows, either filling, or firmness - her pillow gives her what she needs to be comfortable. Do you not want her to be? Just because you find your pillows comfortable doesn't mean everyone does.

Sugar - same thing. She prefers a certain type.

She isn't asking you to buy anything, or change anything, she's bringing her own.

You're seeing a judgement and getting annoyed, where there is a preference.

It costs you nothing and makes her more comfortable, don't you want her to be comfortable? Or is your defence of your kettle/pillow/sugar more important?

OP I am a bit like your MIL… I can taste plastic in hot drinks often at other people’s houses. We use a stainless steel stovetop kettle at home and this is what I am used to… I haven’t gone as far as taking to visit relatives, but do take it when we go away (off to the Cotswolds soon & will do this.)
Maybe pick your battles unless you have very limited kitchen space?

Honestly? How can you say no? I’d just think she’s sweetly eccentric and let her get on with it.

BTW, I always take my own pillow to friends’. I pretend it’s because of a neck issue, but the truth is I get the complete heebie-jeebies about used pillows. I can smell a greasy headed former user even through clean bed linen.

This wouldn’t bother me at all as a stand alone request.

Treating you like a hotel would be expecting you to provide the kettle.

I think you’re being dramatic about it unless there’s more that she does.
Also really harsh of you to judge her on the pillow, I would do that if I needed to.

I think you hate her.

I wouldn't make an issue if this. Just let her bring it. If it was fussiness/preferences about food would it bother you if she brought her own? I guess fussiness about tea is similar.

Does it really matter? I can easily taste the difference with tea made in different areas and using different material kettles, I don’t find it hard to believe others do. Just like some people hate tea made with reboiled water and others can’t taste the difference.

I would quite happily drink a glass of water in preference to bad tea but IME people who get offended if you don’t like their own preferred tea style equally get offended if you don’t force it down, however politely. Luckily most people are not dicks about it and don’t take it as some kind of personal insult.

She likes her own comforts, is that a crime? It literally causes you no harm whatsoever and it makes her happy. I can't imagine wanting to cause a fuss over something so stupid.

This, but then I am someone who has been know to travel with my own pillow 🤣

Sounds like she wants to show you she's boss in some way, and that riles you up? "My kettles better than your kettle" message?

It's a bit sad, really, that she feels the need to do that but unless you feel insecure around her or she's rude in your home then I'd just let her do her dominance-asserting via her personal kettle and laugh at/about it.

Annoying but if it’s what she wants I think I would just let it be. It is rude imo

This. Who cares, really?

I take my own pillow everywhere. It's the right shape for me and I get headaches with normal pillows.

Your dislike of your MIL comes over pretty strong.

Or, like a great many people, she can taste the difference between waters and is happy to bring her own kettle rather than put the OP to any trouble.