Was my BBQ hosting ‘stingy’ as my friend has suggested

[SingingJess]

DH and I hosted a couple of friends last night - we usually go out for dinner etc but with the nice weather agreed we would host a BBQ which they were very much up for. We exchanged messages in the week on what we’d cook and any drink preferences.

Here is the issue:

-Friend (wife) asked me where the food was from. I said most of it was Tesco’s finest BBQ range (we had a mix of chicken, burgers etc - it wasn’t cheap). She called this ‘not a bad budget option’ and said that when they do a BBQ, they raid the local farm shop. I’m sure that’s lovely, but also out of our budget.

-One of the drink requests was for flavoured gin which the husband likes. Now my DH also likes gin, and we have a lot of bottles here. So rather than spend money on a new bottle, we put out the gin that we have. Friend (wife) whilst in the kitchen with me pointed out a bottle of gin from Lidl and casually said that I ‘can’t expect her husband to touch something from there’.

-Later in the evening, she told me she thought it was a bit stingy of us to ‘recycle’ gin we already have rather than buy a new bottle for the occasion.

They both said thanks at the end of the night for us hosting and for the food, but I got the impression they were unimpressed.

My question is - was I being tight or do you not see an issue in us not investing in a brand new bottle of something we already had plenty of?

OP, empty pots make the most noise. Generous and good hosts are also good guests, they would never make the comments she made.

I doubt she gives her own guests the best of the best, she is just training you into what she expects from you.

I bet if they ever did invite you it would be supermarket food. Have they ever hosted you?

Always a nice new bottle of something for an occasion. Never recycle.

Invite us next time..if have been very very grateful and I'd have made a nice pudding to share !

I think the unwritten rule is that if you want to drink something specific, then you bring your own along with any wine etc you may be taking as a gift.
If my husband is designated driver when we go out, he will always take alcohol free Guinness as he likes it. I just drink water so am not bothered.
Your friend sounds rude, entitled and lacking in class. She would not be invited to my house again.

velmy can get in touch with your demanding friends and become their new friends sounds like they’d be perfect for each other, meanwhile back in the real world we’ll continue to shop in supermarkets!!

Your food and drink sounds lovely.Your friends have no class or manners.

Yea agreed-this is not how any of my ‘friends’ would behave…

They’d not be my friends for much longer. They sound snobby

You were not supposed to impress them - just feed them something nice enough while you enjoyed each others' company.

Don't feel pressured to keep silent about not being able to afford Farm Shop meat. Just say you could never afford that. Be up front. They are very strange to expect a new bottle of Gin.

Did they bring a bottle of something they like to drink?
I think you are not well suited.
They are pretentious and rude.

The moment a guest asks me where I buy my food from to a BBQ invitation, they'd get a cancelled invite "Apologies but the BBQ has been cancelled"

None of my friends will even think of asking the question.

This absolutely! If you like something very specific, bring it along and say we love this and thought everyone else would like a try!

please never invite these people again OP.

I would find their rudeness outrageous tbh, and would not socialise with them in future. The woman sounds like a complete cow

Always a nice new bottle of something for an occasion. Never recycle.

Me and my friends always continuing using bottles of opened vodka, gin etc.
Why wouldn't you? Its too expensive to pour away and re stock every time you have a gathering, especially during the summer months when friends come round for gatherings much more frequently.

They are insane.

I had a party last year and bought everything from Asda. All the alcohol was new aside from a bottle of Pimm's because that's the only thing I had so it made sense to put it out.

The whole thing was the same price as a weekly shop for my whole family which was affordable for us. What wouldn't be affordable was anything much more than that so going to a farm shop (there aren't any local anyway) would mean supplying half the amount of food.

Sure if I had the money then why not shop somewhere which is a bit better quality and buy more expensive wines and spirits but I'm not rich so I make do with supermarket brands which I'm sure half the time are identical anyway!

I wouldn't be friends with them anymore if they have the cheek to moan about what you offered. You go to a an event someone has hosted and even if it's not your cup of tea you smile, say you had a lovely time and thanks for hosting. If it's so bad then you never go back again but it would have to be exceptionally bad for me to never go back. Like going off food with dirty surroundings and rude hosts. Small amounts or not great quality I would live with if the company was good and just eat before I went and take extra drinks if needs be.

I wouldn't buy gin if I already had some! I'd just buy mixers. If they're that fussy then they should have brought their own! I had a friend who would only drink a specific wine. She would bring her own bottle to parties, which is fair enough. When we've been invited places, we just accept what ever is on offer! I prefer cider but wouldn't dream of stating my preferred brand/type! If we don't like anything then there's always water/pop/tea etc! Your friend doesn't sound very nice if I'm honest.

I never put an open wine bottle at a party/BBQ but will offer an opened bottle of spirits if someone wants to have a glass/cocktail. Gin, vodka, scotch don't oxidase like wine, are expensive and if a friend only drinks them, they can bring their own bottle.

This can’t be real ? How are they friends of yours with such an awful attitude towards you. Drop them op and find nicer people to hang out with

Prior behaviour - DH has often joked that the wife can be a bit stuck up despite not being of that traditional ‘social standing’ in terms of finances, house etc.

Oh I know JUST that type of person. My inlaws are like this, some of them. It's all about image and perception. "People" have to see you driving X type of car because then they will know you are not poor. Having branded McVitie's digestives in your trolley rather than own brand tells the cashier or "people" that you are not poor. Shopping in Sainsburys rather than Lidl, having conspicuously branded clothing/bags. Some of my inlaws refuse to drop off donations at a charity shop because people might see them going in and think they are buying. My niece once took a jacket back to a shop because they had put it into their sale and didn't want people thinking she couldn't afford to buy it full price.

Absolutely mental but this is what your "friend" is doing - trying to convince you that she is doing well financially. Even though you never questioned her or judged her.

They are rude AF.

I have a few very wealthy friends in my circle and a few proper foodies (you genuinely do eat like it's Michelin restaurant if they are hosting). I am neither of these things but I do (like you) make an effort when I'm hosting to make sure there is plenty of food and drink to suit everyone's tastes.

I have never had anything but gushing praise and thanks.

If a person invites you to their house, spends the time cleaning and preparing, checks your food and drink preferences, hosts you and cleans up afterwards... The only thing you say is what can I provide and thank you so much.

It's actually much "posher" to be the sort of person who casually has several bottles of gin already in the house as standard, than to be an anxious suburban social climber who goes out specially to buy something to impress the guests....

(I'm basing this off a) growing up being the slightly anxious suburban family with several "old money" school friends, and b) Jilly Cooper novels. Although no one in a Jilly Cooper novels would even contemplate hosting or attending a barbeque - they only eat smoked salmon on brown bread)

^ This ^ I certainly wouldn’t be inviting them back again!

Exactly this.
Who comes to someone's house and then criticises everything?
She's not new money perchance?

Since when has socialising with friends been about etiquette, social times and trying to impress? In all my 59 years in the earth I thought it was about enjoying each others company with whatever food/drink being secondary.

Thd stuck up judgemental friend would lady 5 minutes in my circle - she’s hate the informal casual nature of our socials

And as for a BBQ being about the quality of the meat on offer - surely the whole point is an informal day enjoying food and a few drinks in the sunshine with good company? It’s not Masterchef ffs it’s outdoor fun

I feel sorry for your friend. It sounds like she doesn't get out much and doesn't know or understand the basic rules of socialising or friendship.

They sound like a lot of work.