Feel uneasy with my partner’s suggestions on splitting food/toiletries costs

[Amber991]

Hi all, I am looking for some second opinions. I moved in with my partner a few months ago. All has been going well, but recently he has started saying we should have a fairer split of our food and toiletries bill, which we usually halve.

Every time we do our main weekly shop, he now goes item by item with the receipt and splits this out. But it goes to the length of him even taking into account if I have leftovers for lunch the next day, and putting a weighting towards this so I pay more. If he thinks I’ll have an extra pack of crisps from a multi pack, he will weight that.

I have a recent stomach issue which I’m seeing my Doctor about which means I’ve been going to the loo more than usual and have been really uncomfortable. So when he went through the receipt yesterday and there was loo roll, I had to pay more on the basis I’ve been using more.

I find this really OTT! Does anyone do similar in terms of the split or do you agree it’s strange?

GET RID QUICK

OP this is ridiculous and bizarre, we split everything 50/50 in our house. The only time that differs is if my partner buys a box of beers (I don't drink) then he pays for those himself and the rest of the receipt is split equally. Small treats we want and throw in the basket like a chocolate bar or pack of sweets just get thrown in with the general receipt and isnt even questioned, we don't nit pick the receipt item by item. I'd feel like I am walking on eggshells if I wanted second helpings of dinner, a packet of crisps or an extra slice of toast living like how your partner wants to be, and that's not what your home should feel like. I'd put an end to his suggestions completely and immediately before it escalates. He is treating you like a random roommate in a uni accommodation, not a partner...

Weird and horribly controlling behaviour. Id not want to live like that

what the hell have I just read! How long did u know him for before moving in together ?

As always I give my opinion without reading responses.

My response to this is why are you with this man. As far as I'm concerned he'd be history but to be fair this is my view according to your first post OP.

If you were a big fat pig buying multi packs of chocolate bars and stuffing your face with them then he would have a point if he was eating normally.

But he is way over the top and I could not put up with such awfulness.

Bin him.

Hope you have broken up by now! What a plonker!

His behaviour is awful. Im
so sorry.

Yep. Fucking run and don’t look back

This.

My ex started off by going through the supermarket receipts and griping about stuff that I'd bought. He ended up being very controlling, which is why I dumped the fucker.

Any man who can seriously consider apportioning bog roll usage is not one to be sharing your life with.

If you want more of this stay with him. He’s telling you/showing you how he really is, believe him! This will not get any better, but he’ll tighten the screws in other ways. A controller - heck yes!

We were together nearly two years before moving in to his house, we split the utility bills and I pay a contribution on top so it’s fair. The plan has always been to buy together but we both said we’d want to live together first. I’m not aware of any debt issues etc.

Again I haven't read all the responses. I have read posters who say they split everything financially 50/50. I haven't read enough to consider if this includes within marriage. Thankfully I'm married to a man who has always earned more than me. He wouldn't dream of accusing me of him contributing more financially to our relationship especially when I contribute more in other ways.

What on earth! I thought this would be about fancy toiletries, we tend to get the basics with the food shop; shower gel, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant etc but if I want something fancier (loccitane shower oil at £30 a pop) I buy it from my disposable income, same with DH and beers I'll get some brewdog etc with the food shop but he wants to go to the fancy artisan microbrewery the other side of town and pay £6/7 a can (or buy stuff in weird metal containers that he has to take back) that's a him spend.
This man sounds controlling and judgemental!

ETA the grocery shop comes out of the joint account

Nope. This is not normal or something I’d be interested in being a part of at all. I’d have run far away already

He sounds awful.

Why not get him to look at all his receipts and bills before you moved in? I bet you are paying more than any increases, so he's actually making money off you.

Two people living together cost less than living separately. Shared expenses should be split in proportion to income, I think. Although, moving out would be the best decision.

I think the trial living together has shown you what he is like. This won't improve.

Do not buy a house with this man.

That’s just not normal. I could understand each person paying for say own shampoo / conditioner but not split food / cleaning products / toilet paper 50:50 is insane. I mean maybe ok if say one person
really liked to eat a lot of raspberries in the winter and they were expensive perhaps. Does he weigh portion sizes at dinner?

You might use more toilet paper. He might eat more. It evens out and even if it doesn’t that’s the cost of living together.

I think it’s a massive red flag.

Yes, do this bc she’s right.

This is one of the craziest things I’ve ever read on here.
How can you even contemplate continuing to live with this nasty, petty little man?

So this is when you find out if you want to commit to a lifetime of living this way.

Have a discussion on how he sees finances being split once you're married/have kids.
Two years is a long time, so should have had an idea of his spending.

Does he treat you OP?
Are you wasteful? (Not the loo roll).

Nothing more unattractive than a stingy man, but equally someone who's wasteful.

He needs some therapy (which he should meet 100% of the cost of).

Very very bizarre and if you don’t put a stop to it now it will only get worse.

RUN 🏃‍♀️

For the love of god! You don’t even have to ask…,,

Omg op, I could not live like that!!!
Are you planning on having children with him? If so.......DONT!!