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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL made me feel unwelcome.

141 replies

KeenSnail · 13/07/2025 19:36

The past week I have been staying away from home in a holiday cottage with my in-laws, wife’s brother and wife’s brothers fiancé.

We’ve had a lovely week and yesterday celebrated my wife’s sister’s wedding. I haven’t always got on with my SIL, however over time we have disagreed less and less and I was under the impression the past was water under the bridge.

Today my SIL hosted a bbq with the close family and we were having a fantastic day together eating, drinking and playing lawn games.

At around 6pm my wife wanted to drive our 18 month old home as it’s about an hours drive back to the holiday cottage and she is trying to keep his sleep schedule as normal as possible.

We had all driven in two cars so there was room for me to catch a lift home with my MIL, FIL and BIL and BIL’s fiancé.

As I was packing up the car for my wife my MIL was saying goodnight to our son. I mentioned I was planning on staying behind. I felt as though she gave me a judgmental look and I responded to that with ‘I assume I am welcome to stay?’ to my surprise, my MIL replied to me ‘I don’t know’.

I then walked up to help my wife to the car when my SIL came to say goodbye. My wife corrected her ‘oh it’s just me and the baby going back, husband is staying’ and I jumped in and said ‘I’ll be leaving too. It’s clear I’m not welcome here’ my MIL then repeated the situation to my wife, SIL and FIL and made out it was an innocent remark as it’s not her home but I really feel there was a underlying meaning behind the incident.

Please give me perspective… am I wrong about this?

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/07/2025 19:39

Maybe she felt it should be you taking your baby back to the holiday cottage so your wife could continue celebrating with her sister

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 13/07/2025 19:39

You are acting like a child.

Poopeepoopee · 13/07/2025 19:40

ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/07/2025 19:39

Maybe she felt it should be you taking your baby back to the holiday cottage so your wife could continue celebrating with her sister

Edited

Yes. It should be you taking the baby home.

Fridaynightfish · 13/07/2025 19:41

YANBU about feeling left out - her response was very poor. I wonder if she was annoyed at her daughter having to leave alone?

YABU for saying what you did - no need for confrontation and drama around everyone.

editing to add: I would just have said that you had changed your mind and would head home with your wife and baby.

sleepandcoffee · 13/07/2025 19:41

She was probably judging you for wanting to stay and leave your wife to deal with the baby by herself . You did nothing wrong as long as your wife was fine with it .

Topjoe19 · 13/07/2025 19:41

Why weren't you taking the baby back & leaving your wife to enjoy the family celebrations?

MyMahoosivePenis · 13/07/2025 19:43

What they said.

And also that you decided to make it fucking awkward for everyone by calling out your MIL for answering honestly to your obnoxious question.

MyMahoosivePenis · 13/07/2025 19:44

Also, were you packing the car "for your wife" or because it needed packing and your wife was taking your baby home because your child needed to sleep, so it was the very least you could do?

MyMahoosivePenis · 13/07/2025 19:47

Really curious about the issues with SIL and what you have said to upset her.

SomeOfTheTrouble · 13/07/2025 19:48

I agree that as it was an event hosted by your wife’s family you should have been the one taking the baby back to the holiday cottage while she stayed.

Hankunamatata · 13/07/2025 19:51

She obviously felt you should be taking wife and baby home or talkng the baby home and letting wife stay

CurlewKate · 13/07/2025 19:51

You should have taken their wives baby home and left your wife to spend time with her family. I would have thought that really poor of you.

SomeOfTheTrouble · 13/07/2025 19:52

(I’m going to hazard a guess OP that you couldn’t take the baby as you’d been drinking while your wife stayed sober)

JustAnInchident · 13/07/2025 19:55

SomeOfTheTrouble · 13/07/2025 19:48

I agree that as it was an event hosted by your wife’s family you should have been the one taking the baby back to the holiday cottage while she stayed.

This. I don’t really know why you’re surprised op. As for your inflammatory comment about being made to feel unwelcome, well, what a silly thing to do, you made yourself look like a petulant child at a celebration of a significant life event for you sister in law

MyMahoosivePenis · 13/07/2025 19:55

Did you even ask if they were happy to drive you?

SheepInMyShed · 13/07/2025 19:57

ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/07/2025 19:39

Maybe she felt it should be you taking your baby back to the holiday cottage so your wife could continue celebrating with her sister

Edited

This. Her family, she should have been able to stay, you should have taken your baby back.

If I was your MIL I think I’d have judged too.

IndieRocknRoll · 13/07/2025 19:58

unless there’s about to be a massive drip feed, etiquette would dictate that you would take baby home (or at least accompany your wife, considering your history with her sister). Even putting this aside you were rude and confrontational in your response
Do you have a tendency to misjudge situations like these, I’m wondering if that’s behind the bad blood with SIL?

Original poster
KeenSnail · 13/07/2025 19:59

KeenSnail · 13/07/2025 19:36

The past week I have been staying away from home in a holiday cottage with my in-laws, wife’s brother and wife’s brothers fiancé.

We’ve had a lovely week and yesterday celebrated my wife’s sister’s wedding. I haven’t always got on with my SIL, however over time we have disagreed less and less and I was under the impression the past was water under the bridge.

Today my SIL hosted a bbq with the close family and we were having a fantastic day together eating, drinking and playing lawn games.

At around 6pm my wife wanted to drive our 18 month old home as it’s about an hours drive back to the holiday cottage and she is trying to keep his sleep schedule as normal as possible.

We had all driven in two cars so there was room for me to catch a lift home with my MIL, FIL and BIL and BIL’s fiancé.

As I was packing up the car for my wife my MIL was saying goodnight to our son. I mentioned I was planning on staying behind. I felt as though she gave me a judgmental look and I responded to that with ‘I assume I am welcome to stay?’ to my surprise, my MIL replied to me ‘I don’t know’.

I then walked up to help my wife to the car when my SIL came to say goodbye. My wife corrected her ‘oh it’s just me and the baby going back, husband is staying’ and I jumped in and said ‘I’ll be leaving too. It’s clear I’m not welcome here’ my MIL then repeated the situation to my wife, SIL and FIL and made out it was an innocent remark as it’s not her home but I really feel there was a underlying meaning behind the incident.

Please give me perspective… am I wrong about this?

Ah, sorry. I should have mentioned.
my wife is pregnant so was always planning on driving home as I had been drinking and in addition she breastfeeds our son to sleep so I wouldn’t have been able to replace her in putting our son to bed.
She was pleased to be going as she’s been outside all day and it’s very hot here and I think she was looking forward to an early night back at the holiday home.

OP posts:
BeachPossum · 13/07/2025 19:59

I think it was just really weird that your wife would go home with the little one, leaving you to continue celebrating with her family. The normal thing would have been for you to go (unless a drip feed is coming), and they were surprised you didn't.

BeachPossum · 13/07/2025 20:01

KeenSnail · 13/07/2025 19:59

Ah, sorry. I should have mentioned.
my wife is pregnant so was always planning on driving home as I had been drinking and in addition she breastfeeds our son to sleep so I wouldn’t have been able to replace her in putting our son to bed.
She was pleased to be going as she’s been outside all day and it’s very hot here and I think she was looking forward to an early night back at the holiday home.

Show quote history

Right - in which case they were surprised that you were leaving your hot, pregnant wife to go and do bedtime for a toddler on her own while you carried on partying.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/07/2025 20:02

KeenSnail · 13/07/2025 19:59

Ah, sorry. I should have mentioned.
my wife is pregnant so was always planning on driving home as I had been drinking and in addition she breastfeeds our son to sleep so I wouldn’t have been able to replace her in putting our son to bed.
She was pleased to be going as she’s been outside all day and it’s very hot here and I think she was looking forward to an early night back at the holiday home.

Show quote history

Yeah you still should have gone with her. She’s on holiday and pregnant, she doesn’t want to do everything alone and you didn’t need to stay out drinking. Your MIL just might have had a moment of surprise that you didn’t want to go spend time with your wife and child and would rather stay and drink with SIL who you don’t totally get on with. You were then very rude by calling her out on it.

BreakfastClubBlues · 13/07/2025 20:02

They don't think you pull your weight with the baby/ are not supporting your wife.

Good on the MIL! Mine always encouraged DH to stay, leaving me to manage the kids solo.

MyMahoosivePenis · 13/07/2025 20:03

Ok, in that case they made you feel unwelcome because you are not welcome, they think you're a shitty partner and they are sad she's been dumb enough to have another baby with you.

DaisyChain505 · 13/07/2025 20:04

Maybe she was judging you for not helping your pregnant wife take your joint child home after a long day.

RaininSummer · 13/07/2025 20:05

Yes this. She said don't know as I think she meant you should be checking with your wife.