MIL made me feel unwelcome.

[KeenSnail]

The past week I have been staying away from home in a holiday cottage with my in-laws, wife’s brother and wife’s brothers fiancé.

We’ve had a lovely week and yesterday celebrated my wife’s sister’s wedding. I haven’t always got on with my SIL, however over time we have disagreed less and less and I was under the impression the past was water under the bridge.

Today my SIL hosted a bbq with the close family and we were having a fantastic day together eating, drinking and playing lawn games.

At around 6pm my wife wanted to drive our 18 month old home as it’s about an hours drive back to the holiday cottage and she is trying to keep his sleep schedule as normal as possible.

We had all driven in two cars so there was room for me to catch a lift home with my MIL, FIL and BIL and BIL’s fiancé.

As I was packing up the car for my wife my MIL was saying goodnight to our son. I mentioned I was planning on staying behind. I felt as though she gave me a judgmental look and I responded to that with ‘I assume I am welcome to stay?’ to my surprise, my MIL replied to me ‘I don’t know’.

I then walked up to help my wife to the car when my SIL came to say goodbye. My wife corrected her ‘oh it’s just me and the baby going back, husband is staying’ and I jumped in and said ‘I’ll be leaving too. It’s clear I’m not welcome here’ my MIL then repeated the situation to my wife, SIL and FIL and made out it was an innocent remark as it’s not her home but I really feel there was a underlying meaning behind the incident.

Please give me perspective… am I wrong about this?

Hoping this isn't real because no one can have so little self awareness right?

I would have very pissed off in your wife’s shoes.

Did you discuss with your wife/SIL that you'd like to stay?

If so dId your wife/SIL mind that you wanted to stay at the party?

Have you thought about supporting your wife?

I don't think you need to be lactating to put your child in the bath, then their pjs, bedtime story or whatever. Maybe you could keep your wife company, rub her back, make dinner?

OP you're getting flamed here, but I honestly dont see the big deal. When I was pregnant my OH would stay on partying with my family and I was happy to be going to bed, it was never a problem. Maybe MIL was just caught off guard as she expected you to leave with your DW. Try not to focus on it too much, as long as you and DW are in the same boat, that's all that matters.

She was probably horrified that you were letting your pregnant wife go home alone to put your toddler to bed, whilst you carried on drinking and partying with HER family.

She was probably surprised that you were even mentioning staying in the circumstances, and you sound like you were petty and bitchy to top it all off. A real Prince.

Would your other half ask for a lift before he decided your mother could drive him home or just assume?

If he'd previously fallen out with your sister would he invite himself without asking to stay late on his own?

Would he then start an argument with your family bitching about your mother if he didn't get the answer he wanted?

If so, you really want to rethink things

This. I find it odd you wanted to stay with the in laws longer.

In general if we do something with my family my husband will look after our child more, if it’s with his family then I look after our child more. So we can each spend a bit more time with our family.

You should have left to support your wife, not stayed while your pregnant wife had to parent solo

Tbh Op you don’t come across well here and I can see why. Your wife is pregnant and you happily let her go back to put your toddler to bed whilst you stay out drinking and partying with her family. And when your MIL rightly hinted that’s odd, you caused a bit of a scene at your SIL’s post wedding celebration.

Lack of self awareness definitely comes to mind.

This

Thanks for this! People seem to be assuming I do nothing for my wife or son which couldn’t be further from the truth.
I get up with him every morning and get him ready and make his breakfast and take my wife a cup of tea so she can have a lay in and she does the evening routine which is our preference and what works for us.
My wife was of course completely fine with me staying and if there was any indication she wanted me to be with her I would have left immediately.

I voted YWNBU. I breastfed all mine and would not have expected you to have come back with me, pregnant or not. If I wanted you back with me, you'd be coming!
But...if I knew you had had bad blood with my sister in the past, I doubt I'd have left you there alone and I'd have already checked you were welcome, not sprung it on her.
So...I think your in-laws tolerate you for your wife's sake or they like you, but sister and BIL have remaining issues.
Your wife either hasn't been told or hasn't worked it out and, like you, thinks it had all blown over. In your shoes, I'd certainly have taken the hint and done a quick U-turn, yawning, change of mind. Dilemma solved. Tattle with wife on the way back - her family's reactions not being her fault - and finished the holiday peacefully but with guard up for future plans.

No one said you do nothing.

we're saying it's weird and selfish of you to expect your hot, pregnant wife to get the toddler home and to bed while you stayed partying with her family.

This is EXACTLY what it was...
She was leaving her SISTERS wedding early and pregnant you wanted to stay and party instead of stepping up and giving her a night off or helping.

Yeah, they felt you were being a flakey dad and husband drinking while your pregnant wife goes home early to put the baby to bed. At an event with her family. I agree with them btw. The bar is low for men clearly that you're offended by this

Well done, you're doing bare minimum basics and didn't step up for a special occasion.

No, that’s not what people are assuming. But in any event, it’s the optics - it was your wife’s family and you happily sent her back when pregnant to do bedtime on her own so you can stay out drinking with her family. Her mum rightly raised her eyebrow at that and you got offended.

No one is assuming anything. Even as a present, equal parent- it’s still very weird to let your pregnant wife go and deal with toddler in a different place- alone, so you can party with her family.

You should have been heading back and running a cool bath for her, then maybe enjoying some adult time yourselves.

My dh would do anything. Sometimes, even whilst pregnant he does the family thing and I happily fuck off home!! On other occasions he takes kids home and I stay.

My bil is no contact with his family. He’s treated the same as dsis. Either can go home or both.

You make your wife a cup of tea. That's what you do for her. You're doing the other stuff because they're your job. Your children. It's not for her. Just the cup of tea. Just like her doing the evening routine isn't "for you". I bet the evening routine includes cooking for you too, which involves a bit more than a kettle.

Even more so you should have gone with them, rather than leaving your pregnant wife to drive herself and a baby home, whilst you invited yourself to stay with her frankly celebrating. Unbelievable really. Your poor wife.

I haven’t always got on with my SIL, however over time we have disagreed less and less and I was under the impression the past was water under the bridge.

My guess is that all the disagreements you had with your SIL still rankle with her and your MIL. Your SIL sounds like a generous hostess who makes you welcome for your wife's sake ... but you were outstaying your welcome by asking to stay on alone. Then you were extremely petulant.

I wonder what all the past disagreements were about?