To think DH is losing the plot re: DS’s new girlfriend??

[LittleMarmiteQueen]

DS (17) has a new GF, been seeing her a few weeks. She seems nice enough, a bit quiet maybe, but polite, comes from the next town over. He’s been asking if she can stay over one weekend (they’ve been spending a lot of time here anyway, mostly watching films in his room, door open etc)

DH has suddenly decided he’s “getting bad vibes” off her. Couldn’t really explain what he meant, just that “something’s off” and “you never know these days” 🙄

He’s now saying he wants to hire a private investigator to do a background check before we let her stay the night. A PI!!! For a 17yo girl!!! He’s already been Googling local firms and tried to act like this is totally normal and responsible parenting.

I told him he was being ridiculous and over the top but he’s digging his heels in and going on about “protecting DS” and how “she could be hiding something” and we need to be “vigilant”. Honestly I’m half wondering if he’s watched too many Netflix docs lately.

FWIW we’ve met her twice, she’s been nothing but respectful, and DS is completely smitten. I think if he finds out we’re even considering this he’ll go nuclear.

AIBU to think this is a completely mad overreaction?? Or is this just modern parenting now and I’m the one who’s too relaxed?

Can 17 year olds have onlyfans accounts and post content?! I know on Facebook you can lie about your age but if posting pornographic content surely they would check otherwise it's child porn and the website could be in serious trouble.

But he does sound racist. Shes 17, still in 6th form. What could he possibly think shes hiding?!

Let him do it. Silly man, he deserves to be wrong and check his attitude, tell DS too. If everyone is expected to be honest and trustworthy, let him openly discuss the findings as a family.
He deserves the consequences.

How very odd. What can a 17yo be hiding? More likely he is hiding something.

I think if anyone needs investigation it’s him. How bizarre!

Nuts

Maybe you should be checking out DH’s browsing & email history. See which rabbit holes he’s been falling down lately. Or if he does have a secret Only Fans account.

Wanting to hire a PI is seriously unhinged, I would be worried for his mental health at this point.

And even if she was on Only Fans or similar, it would only be a ‘thing’ because she was underage. I mean it’s a bit seedy but otherwise not illegal. Is he worried about drugs or gang links following (subconscious?) racial profiling??

FYI "mixed race" isn't the preferred term nowadays. "Dual heritage" is better

Maybe you should hire a PI to keep an eye on your husband.

His incredibly defensive reaction also says to me there’s a lot more to this that he isn’t telling you. Feels very sinister.

The fact he feels it would be acceptable to hire a (presumably) adult man to stalk a teenage girl is terrifying.

Honestly, I would be asking him to leave if he can’t explain himself fully. This is insane.

@NeedToChangeName since when? I'm black, partner white and our children 'mixed race'. When did this not become acceptable and why?

In my circles a lot of us are black/mixed and say 'mixed'. When referring to ourselves or our children. When did this not become okay to say and why?

What am I reading?! Jesus f’ing Christ! Some people. I’m sorry you have to put up with that bullshit.

A grown man suggesting that he's needs to stalk his teenage son girlfriend <even if it is through a PI> is pretty grim OP. Your H is giving off some abusive vibes.

It is 100% this. It's where he reacted most strongly. This is the row of giant red flags. The race aspect is a giant red herring.

🙄

The problem with racism is, because it's everywhere, people see it even where it isn't.

Yeah, that's the problem with racism.....

Omg it’s something like this isn’t it? Got to be but he can’t admit it so he needs to ‘find out’ in a way that’s not his fault.

Either that or he’s mental.

And today's 'preferred term nowadays' will inevitably become the outdated or socially unacceptable term of yesteryear. Some of us have decided to no longer play the game.

This is like the start of a blood novel.

It'll end up with a missing person and a murder!

We'll have OP churning over theories

Secret love child

Only fans

Lunatic DH with lots of secrets

Blimey, OP.

Crazy and creepy

I haven't worded it well. To clarify, I'm referring to the theory being suggested here, in this scenario, that the husband's reaction is because he is racist.

We don't know that the op's husband is racist, let's give him the benefit of the doubt on that one until proved otherwise.

It is weird but as long as son and girlfriend don't know she is being investigated, it won't hurt them.

Let's hope he calms down and doesn't make a habit of doing this with, let's face it, very young people, still in education.

It's definitely a possibility though, even if in combination with other factors. Few things make men angrier then fancying someone they are "supposed" to hate...

I don’t as going to say, Maybe its because he has a fetish for nubile colored girls… but he wouldnt need a PI.

Oh, yes. I definitely agree with you. I was thinking in that direction myself until OP posted about his reaction to her asking if he recognised her,