Dd(10) uninvited from party

[freddiewini]

Dd (10) was invited to a girl in her classes leavers party after their last day. She’s not best friends with this girl, just friends but she was excited. All the girls invited( only 8 in total ) some of the boys.

She has now been uninvited because the boy the girl fancies told his friends he fancies dd. Dd doesn’t even like this boy or care about boys in general (thank god) But the girl doesn’t want dd at her party because he will be there. Dd has since been called names and been made fun of by this girl at school.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

I would be unreasonable to let dd have her own party here wouldnt I? Dds best friends mum is encouraging me to. We have more room and a swimming pool and I know dd is generally more liked, girl has history of being mean and upsetting people.
What if we have it this weekend, (they breakup Tuesday after) inviting the other girls but obviously not the one who’s been mean to her? I

Don’t worry about high school, they will all go their separate ways and the bully may even get her comeuppance. Same with dates clashing. Maybe if the bully childs mother had told her dd her behaviour is inappropriate and it’s not all about boys then I’d be less inclined, but why should your dd miss out.

I’ve actually arranged something for my DDs class, I’ve made it so it’s open to everyone including ones I don’t like regardless, especially regardless of crushes. I could have left out a couple of bullies (not targeted my DD) but have made it clear to all parents that this is a happy celebration and any signers of upset from anyone that I will be calling parents. I will be looking after 2 of my DDs friends who have been targeted and reassured them and told the bullies parents I don’t want any bother and don’t have an issue with everyone coming as long as there are no tears, first sign I’m done.

Only reason i wouldn’t is because some of the girls might feel obligated to go to the one they’ve already rsvp-ed to meaning your daughter might be uninvited, and alone at her own party

The plan is to have it next weekend. The original mean girls party is the Tuesday they break up.

Please do it!

I’m depressed by the number of adult women with children on this thread rubbing their hands in glee at the thought of getting one over on a child.

You definitely don't have a party on the same day, forcing other families to choose. I would invite the other girl, if you're inviting all the girls in the class, you have the moral high ground then - she won't want to come if you're inviting the boys too

@AliceMcK they are at the same high school and if the OP handles this wrongly it is the OPs daughter who comes across as a bully in this story particularly the using of a pool

High school girl drama is off the scale at the moment - it is far worse in years 7 and 8 than it was when DD (year 11) was that age. Luckily I have a DS who tells me about it

Id have the party, why should your daughter be excluded and miss out on an ens of year party because of some spiteful girl in a class she may never see again? Invite her best friend and any girls that want to come. What's the alternative? That your daughter sits at home upset because of this other girl. Why should your daughter have to be the one to set an example, be the martyr etc

I wouldn’t do it for that reason. If you want to do a summer party fair enough. But I wouldn’t want to behave at their level. I’d pick a select few to come and teach dd to choose her friends wisely. I.e the kind decent kids.

I don’t think you should set this example for your dd. By all means have a party and don’t invite mean girls but dont make about her.

But you aren’t depressed because ops daughter was uninvited and her mother couldn’t care less how that made her daughter feel ok

will arrange an end of year party for this weekend so 2 days before they break up. We won’t be inviting this girl not as revenge but we because dd shouldn’t have to be kind to someone who is mean to her. I wouldn’t have someone who called me names and made fun of my appearance in my house so don’t know why she should. I’m a bit shocked at how many people want her invited, that was never an option.

dds best friend doesn’t want to go to the other girls party now anyway so will think of something fun to on that day instead

Well if your intention is to teach your DD to be a revengeful, spiteful bitch, go ahead and encourage her to have own party at the same time.

Yes it's gutting to see your DD treated that way, but deliberately going low and using the guests to punish her (which will also put them in an awful position) is even lower than what the 'friend' did.

Personally I think you should find your inner Michelle Obama, and have a party on another day.

ETA that we cross-posted. I'm glad you've seen sense.

Awful, isn't it?

I mean, I'd be livid and upset for my child, but this baying for blood and encouraging equally spiteful behaviour from OP 's DD, is pretty shocking.

What thie girl and her mum did was super mean, and I'd be really upset and annoyed, but having a party specifically to exclude some sounds way mean!! Not sure you're teaching you daughter to rise above tbh...more real mean girl vibes going on (let's show her who's more popular and richer with out big pool and house!! Nasty!)

I agree, find your inner Michelle Obama...way cooler!! Take your dd out somewhere special instead, het a takeaway so she's not sad whatever and just make peace with fact sone people are dicks, but dont be a dick yourself!

We’re not having a party specifically to exclude someone. Dd wants to have one, she is now being the only girl excluded from the one she thought she was going to when she’s has done absolutely nothing wrong.

shes obviously upset about that and the bullying she’s received the last week. Why shouldn’t she get to have a leavers party and spend time with her friends?

Does your DD have friends from the class who aren’t invited or attending the other party? I wouldn’t be trying go draw people away from the other party except DD’s bf. Have none of her friends stood up for her or declined the other event after the bullying? I’m not sure I’d want any kids who have supported the bullying.

Ok sorry, that wasn't impression I got from original post, i thought your friend was encouraging you to have a party because you have a pool do would be better! Sorry for misunderstanding...

To be fair @freddiewini you didn't tell us about the name calling in your OP - we thought this girl had a nuts mum who was teaching her DD poor life decisions.

Glad you are doing the party on a different day.

Hope the DC have lots of fun.

Yes great idea! Why should your daughter sit at home crying?! It is not her fault. The friend is being very cruel and mean. Let her host a fab party and enjoy herself! They'd have to be on the same evening, the day they break up from school.

In my OP I said ‘dd has since been called names and made fun of by this girl at school’ ?

Agreed.

What's also shocking is that nobody here has the full details, yet folk are piling in - whoop whooping at the thought of a child being humiliated.

Absolutely not saying this is the case here (before I get jumped on). But, many years ago, there was a very similar thread on here by a mum whose daughter had been left out of a party.
MNers got whipped up into a frenzy, baying for the "mean girl", ramping up all manner of revenge for the hurt caused to the Op's DD - who, of course, was a lovely girl.

As it happened, I knew the Op of that thread, as my DD was in that very class.
Oh, believe me, the whole shitshow was completely different to how the Op had presented it!

Just worth bearing in mind when there are kids involved.

I would only do it if it didn't clash and everyone is invited.

Sounds like you found a good compromise OP.

What the girl did is really not au fait with the sisterhood, not your daughters fault if a boy likes her, especially when she's not remotely interested anyway! The additional name calling and bullying also decidedly uncool, and the parent allowing their child to rescind an invite which then purposefully alienates them...bleugh!!! Can completely understand why you would want to help DD through that. Sadly these people exist throughout life, and so teaching your daughter to stand tall and do something else that day feels like a positive foundation for future, even better that her friend wants to come along and is standing with her.

Think with the bullying, if you were having an end of term celebration then this girl wouldn't be invited anyway regardless of the drama with her party. I think you just do you, have your pre end of term celebration, invite who your dd wants to invite, enjoy the day after term ends together and try to put everything to do with the girl out of your minds. Being resilient and not letting these people get to you is a life skill I wish I'd learned sooner. Now I'm confident in my own skin, people like this creating drama is such a non event (honestly a year ago a school mum wasn't talking to me and I was oblivious till someone else told me! Was revolutionary compared to a decade ago where i was hyper sensitive to the opinions of others), if only we could inject that sort of mindset into younger people. Would make preenage and teenage years so much more bearable!