Dd(10) uninvited from party

[freddiewini]

Dd (10) was invited to a girl in her classes leavers party after their last day. She’s not best friends with this girl, just friends but she was excited. All the girls invited( only 8 in total ) some of the boys.

She has now been uninvited because the boy the girl fancies told his friends he fancies dd. Dd doesn’t even like this boy or care about boys in general (thank god) But the girl doesn’t want dd at her party because he will be there. Dd has since been called names and been made fun of by this girl at school.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

I would be unreasonable to let dd have her own party here wouldnt I? Dds best friends mum is encouraging me to. We have more room and a swimming pool and I know dd is generally more liked, girl has history of being mean and upsetting people.
What if we have it this weekend, (they breakup Tuesday after) inviting the other girls but obviously not the one who’s been mean to her? I

It sounds as if you daughter is popular, beautiful and rich. The other girl sounds very immature and is having trouble containing her jealousy. Don't make the situation worse than it already is.

Same day is silly and petty. But organising a pool party for DD’s friends not including the girl - gfi.

Do your own party invite that boy too !! Make it the best party ever . That mum is ridiculous. No wonder her daughter is a bully

What if mean girl had plans to travel & would decline anyway

waste of spite

How about a play date with her bff, get their nails done at home, treats etc.

It's not teaching her to be spiteful and the lesson isn't that you allow people to be mean and just take it, but you remove yourself and not take it personally.

The other girl will grow up and they'll hopefully laugh about one day.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Absolutely do this to teach the narcissists a lesson, looks like the apple didn't fall far from the tree in this case.

I don’t think you should to be honest. Your DD’s classmate is a kid, it’s her mother who is not handling this well. I think do a party on another day and make it amazing x

Yes, this.

Omg!! At 10!
Where is this op, no neither of my girls like thiz now or at 10 !

Can you let boys mum know and say how upset dd is and would they like a play date instead

Definitely have the party and don’t invite the bully!! Sod them. The mum should have told her no.

YANBU to have a party for your DD.
YABU to have it on the same day as this girl. The other girls have already accepted the invite. You can't expect them to pick sides. You do and your DD will be bullied and you will never hear the end of it.

Yes deffo have a party.

Definitely do it. What an awful thing for the mother to endorse. Have a lovely party for your daugter with all her friends. Give her something to look forward to.

I’d invite them all, even the mean girl, and then un-invite the mean girl. Then make the party bigger and better. Absolutely don’t let the mean girl win this one - awful that mean girls mum is allowing it to happen!

Very mature 😏

Do it. I have no sympathy for this girl if she calling your daughter names. This way at least your dd gets to attend one leaver's party.

This.

I would never forgive my mum for forcing me to invite my BULLY to my party. Can’t believe how many people are suggesting it. Absolutely shitty terrible parenting.

I feel like there’s an unpleasant undertone of “we’re rich so we’re better” in this. The whole “we have more room and a swimming pool” blah blah blah. Using your material goods to get the attention of DD’s classmates and pull them away from another child’s party is quite crass. You don’t really want her forming friendships on that basis, or developing that attitude herself.

You should also bear in mind that the other parents won’t have a clue about this little drama and will think that you’ve just randomly tried to spoil another child’s party.

Don't stoop to their level. Teach your daughter to be the bigger person. Have a party by all means, but don't use it as a way to get back at the other girl. 10 is very young. Her mum is in control, not her. Her mum should be teaching her kindness, and what is and is not OK behaviour. Your DD will probably have to interact with this girl in the future so don't set them up to be enemies now. If she wants this mean girl at her own party, then invite her. If not, then don't. You don't owe the mum any explanation. Prioritise your lovely DD and help her to navigate this and her future friendships by teaching her resilience, strength and kindness.

Completely fine to have a party but I wouldn’t do it on the same day. That would be petty and you’d be no better than the other mum (who isn’t responsible for the bullying, but she hasn’t told her daughter that she’d be rude and jealous to uninvite your DD). I don’t think it’s a good lesson to teach that meanness should be responded to with more meanness (as you will be poaching guests from the original party)

Have the party but don't let it clash with the other one. I wouldn't invite the bully.

I would publicly be the bigger person and invite all the girls, including the bully, to a better party on a different day.

But obviously, don't chase up her RSVP. If mum or child whinges at any point, politely uninvite them suggest they stay at home for a rest as the poor love seems to be overwhelmed by all the end-of-term events. 😇

I just don’t know how people have the time and energy for this bullshit.

Good opportunity to teach DD about (emotionally) managing self and others - not being mean and reactive. Talk to the school if the name-calling is a problem. Talk to your daughter about it. Organise a gathering another time if you/DD want - but do not get caught-up some kind of weird 10-year old revenge drama.

Don't invite the bully.
We must teach our daughters that they don't need to be doormats/people-pleasers or turn-the-other-cheekers.

I would just do it. The other girl has decided not to invite your dd, so she cannot be mad for not being invited. Nothing wrong with taking matters into your own hands and making sure she has a good time with her friends.